Be absolutely honest. If you could do it all again, would you have had kids ?

[Pisssssedofff]

I'll answer later.

Yep. Started at 37. I was bored with my life and in a bit of a rut. Now we have a son we do SO much stuff!

In fact...wish I'd started sooner.

Yes yes yes.
If you told me that I could do it all again but pick one thing that would the same as this life I choose my kids in a heartbeat.

Yes, even though at nearly 4 and nearly 1 it is often exhausting and frustrating atm. I wish I had done more travelling before I had them (though some health issues might have affected that) and I maybe wish I'd had them a couple of years earlier.

I'm not looking forward to them leaving home, but I am to them being a bit more self-sufficient and being able to do a few more things for me again. And of course, no childcare fees!

Yes.

Without a doubt. I have been transformed forever as a person and a woman because of having and raising kids. Mine are young adults now, but the challenges and joys over the years have helped me grow and develop as a person. So yea I am very pleased I became a mother.

poshsausage I hope you can get through this.

expat

I'm not sure I could do it again knowing the heartache to come. My eldest son aged 16 was diagnosed with a brain tumour and died shortly after his 18th. It has been, and will be forever more horrendous to have witnessed such suffering. My other son has lost his brother and he lost part of his mum.

If I could be sure I wouldn't have a child that died I'd do it again.

Yes but later and more close together and I'd be choosier about who with! I was only 19.

Although if you'd asked me two years ago I'd have said no. Hope you're ok, OP.

I should have picked better fathers for them.

I was so broody I rushed in without realising what a mistake I was making.

At times when ds1 has been difficult I've doubted whether I I should ever have had him.

I wouldn't say I've got a particularly strong bond with any of them.

Tbh it was the lack of a good birth family and loneliness which drove me to parenthood- not the best reason!

How old are you now barefoot ? I have been a mother for 13 years (I am 40 so the majority of my adult life). For the 3 brief years between qualification and pregnancy I was a junior doctor working horrible, stressful shifts . I now work 40 hours a week some of which I choose. Would I do it all again - you bet. But am I looking forward to reasonable hours, disposable income and no dependants ? Of course. It sounds like you had 10 + years of that so maybe not so important to you now ?

No definitely not. I miss being selfish.

All of those of you at the begin of the journey, cherish every moment please. The saying the days are long but the years are short is so true

This sort of thing is always said with good intentions.

But has anyone who is currently enduring one of those long days ever actually found it helpful?

Fuck cherishing the moment when my child screams and fights a nappy for over half an hour and ends up kicking me in the already painful rib as she struggles. Some moments are made to be endured then forgotten about as quickly as possible.

Definitely. There's been moments with my Dd where it's been difficult, but I love being a parent. My DS has been a very easy person to be around since he got over toddlerhood.

Being a mum is the best thing I've done.

I'm not sure. Probably not, or if I did I would be much, much pickier about how my life was before doing it.

Yes I would. Ds is 20 months and he totally changed my life for the better. I'm a good person now. I'll always remember that feeling of overwhelming happiness when he was born like he was why I was put here, what I had been waiting for my whole life.

I would absolutely love to have more. I'm only 26 now but since the split between his dad and I, I don't think I will ever trust another man to have more children with. His dad cheated when I was pregnant and when ds was 3 weeks old. Then again a few months ago which I finally kicked him out for. It makes me sad that I won't have more but equally it makes me more thankful for my son.

If you'd have asked me during the toddler years years I'd have said a very firm no! But they are teenagers now and while we occasionally get the sullen Kevin behaviour just as we got the toddler tantrums, enjoy my teenagers a lot more. They are good company.
I miss me though - being a mother, despite being planned, was not and is not who I feel am.

I've also 2 year old and a baby and I loved my life before kids and I love my life now

I'm glad though I waited till 34 to have first child as it means iv experienced all the things I really wanted to before kids came along

Yes. In fact I would have loved more. I only have one.

This is such an interesting thread! I am the "child-free" life that some of you mention. Mid-30s, had time to focus on our careers so joint income is good, flexible jobs (working from home, holiday time etc) that allow a long-haul summer holiday of a few weeks, a few city breaks and a ski holiday a year, time for hobbies and sports, looking after our health and fitness, going out for dinner/lunch/ drinks most weekends etc etc

But it is only over the last year or so I have allowed myself to start properly enjoying my life, after 4 years of unexplained infertility. Before, I think I was just kind of filling it with these things to fill the baby-shaped gap in our lives.

I think the grass is always greener on the other side and the key to a happy life is finding enjoyment and contentment in your own life. Easier for some than others and I definitely appreciate this.

From the thread, it seems like most of us are happy with our lot, with perhaps some coulda/ shoulda/wouldas! Mine is that I wish I had never even started with fertility investigations and "accepted my lot" at a much earlier stage, because I am where I always would have been anyway.

I would definitely have had kids. I am very lucky that we were financially secure and in a very happy marriage before kids, though, so I have found motherhood easy and fun. Not every second or even every week, but overall, it's been wonderful. I still have a reasonable social life, including some of my best friends who I met directly through the kids. We still have a good sex life and enough disposable income to have a takeaway or meal out without giving it much thought.

Absolutely. I wouldn't change anything, to be honest - people have asked me if I would have waited longer/taken time out of university (I had DD at 19 and carried on with uni) but even that, I wouldn't change a thing. It was stressful and at times I didn't think I could do it, but so rewarding and I wouldn't have gotten better grades if I'd not had a child/if I'd taken time out anyway! I'm glad I've started my family young.

I've thought about this a lot over the last couple of years.

Whilst I don't regret having them, and the usual stuff about how I wouldn't be without them and love them to bits- the heartbreak and upset that my dd has caused me has made me wonder if it was all worth it.

It makes me re-evaluate my relationship with my ds because I'm terrified that when he reaches 18, he might also decide that he hates my guts and doesn't want me in his life.

Yes. My one and only is 4.5 months so I'm only just out of the hellish newborn stage, but I know I made a choice about my life when we started trying for a baby and I don't regret that choice, as hard as life can now be at times.

I like your post, Stanley.

There's been loads of times I would've answered no, I wouldn't have ever had kids if I'd known what it would be like.

But honestly, I'm so glad I did, I'm glad I haven't got the freedom to please myself, I'm glad I've got responsibilities, and that I've got to look after myself for them, because without them I'd be a fucked up mess by now I reckon.