Be absolutely honest. If you could do it all again, would you have had kids ?

[Pisssssedofff]

I'll answer later.

Thank you doublepumpkin.

My exH is the ultimate cliche - after 17 childless years together because (as per him) the timing was never right for DC his new girlfriend was pregnant within months of our marriage ending. I get on well with my step DC but I have to admit my new life is better despite them, not because of them. I hate myself for feeling that way

Do not hate yourself Tempus. Just don't. You mustn't. Life is too short. And your feelings are completely normal.

Look at this thread - people on here admitting they wouldn't have had children given their time over again and no one batting an eyelid because we all recognise how fucking hard it is to parent your own flesh and blood children. Yet to own up to feeling that way about SDCs will have you vilified.

IMO it's one of the last bastions of misogyny; the 'wicked stepmother' trope.

But I'm in danger of derailing the thread... Just wanted to offer my support.

It's what puts me off the whole allowing men that aren't their father to live in the house thing. Step parenting seems an impossible ask of anyone tbh

I have a stepdad I get on brilliantly with - prefer him to my Dad tbh!!

That's good to hear, maybe there's hope lol

I would, but I would make sure DD1 lived. She was stillborn at 41 weeks - nothing ever seemed wrong and then she died during labour. I don't even really feel there were signs to pick up - but if I could fix that and have an ELCS at 40 weeks she would probably have been absolutely fine - no one knows what went wrong, the post-mortem showed nothing. Which would mean I would have 3 kids instead of 2 and I wouldn't have had DD1 and 2 so close together.

Oh, and if it were the perfect world I'd have done it with enough money to hire a full-time cleaner.

Yes. They are 12 and 14.

I don't know if I would have replied the same way when they were 1 and 3 and I was at the end of my tether.

TooExtra sorry for your loss

TooExtraImmatureCheddar. That's so sad, I'm sorry for your loss.

I 100% don't want a small age gap, all I hear of small age gaps is people saying "oh it's horrendous for the first few years, then it's great"

Kokosjumping I had 6 years between 3 and 4. That's a good gap actually - not planned

I would definitely still have children, yes.

I had my first at 32, second at 34 - spent my 20's partying hard, building my career, travelling the world, dancing on bars and amusing myself with fast cars and credit cards.

I also found the first year of parenting easy. DS1 was a brilliant sleeper from 10 days in, happy and it just kept getting better and better. And then he turned 2 years old and it all went tits up .

To be honest, I wish I'd left a slightly bigger gap between DS1 and DS2 (2 1/2 years) because DS1 was so active and energetic that I couldn't keep up with him. He never held hands, he just ran everywhere and had tantrums galore. I found dealing with that when heavily pregnant a real chore.

I think a 4 year gap would be have been easier on me, but then they wouldn't have the relationship they do now at 5 and 2 1/2 years. They're like a comedy double act and 5 year olds are great value for entertainment.

I find the administration of life the most taxing thing now, remembering birthday parties, buying presents, making lunch boxes, who's picking who up after school, but actually being a parent I love.

I'm lucky that we have a pretty decent work/life/party balance, DH and I still get weekends away, still have money and can buy things we like and honestly, even though I sometimes I wistfully think "bugger" if there's a weekend away that clashes with something else, I still remember thinking that I was pretty much done with the constant partying before I even had my kids.

Probably not.

Too so so sorry for your loss xx

Yes, but much later than 18! Juggling uni, a full time job and a three year old isn't fun at times

Yes. I feel very lucky.

DoublePumpkin

We had a second because at the time I had a yearning for another, I wanted ds to have a sibling, I thought it would only be a bit harder. Someone told me that having two was harder, but not twice as hard. I found/find having 2 about 4 times as hard as having 1.

Ds wasn't an easy baby, but he was (in hindsight) a pretty easy going toddler and small child. He never slept, but just as he started sleeping dd was born. She is a nightmare sleeper. DD is a struggle. She is spirited/strong-willed/stubborn. She is 4 and doesn't sleep well, so I had two terrible sleepers. I spend my evenings trying to get her to go to sleep and my mornings fighting with her (often physically) over getting dressed. Everything is a battle with her.

And after DD I suffered so badly from PND and psychosis that I was admitted to a psychiatric unit and I don't thin we've ever properly mended as a family.

Absolutely. But I would have been much more sensible and careful and therefore had children much later in life. I had my first at 19 and I thought "well, we've started now, we may as well carry on and get it over with!" We've got 3 now and I'm 28. Dh would like another but I'm done. I adore them and love being a mother but I wish I had a career and travelled and been financially stable before having them.

I have had a lovely time as a mummy (i am going to keep using that name...dont care what ds1 says....i am his mmuuuummmmeeee)

I cant even change the age gap between dd and ds2 (17.5 months) as we gave ourselves a deadline for me to become pregnant....although even a few months would have put ds2 in a different school year and he would be one of the oldest not youngest

doesnt matter he is here now

Yes, but I would have started later.

I had DS1 at just turned 22 and, ideally, would have waited until my early 30's so that I could build up a decent career & buy my own home (well, get a mortgage) first.

Yes. Before I had children, nothing ever seemed quite right. I did alot of drinking and was purportedly having the time of my life.

Now I'm having tea and cake in Asda with a toddler or picking my other kids up from school and it feels good. I felt worried and stressed growing up because my parents weren't very stable. I am living the life I wish I had then.

Am so very, very sorry for those on here who have lost children.

I would, but I'd chose to do it with a different dad. My kids' dad is an utter twunt who has no idea what amazing creatures we have created.

Not read full thread but good god no i wouldnt.

Same here. Children's father is an horrible man. I truly fucked up choosing to bring children in to the world with him. I made their lives hard too, traipsing around from rented house to rented house before I got security.

I also found two children three times as hard because you have each child and you also have the dynamic between them {wails} which is like a third child, the most demanding tbh