DH doesn't want another baby

[needasmartnn]

Don't want to drip feed but don't want to be too identifying either. Me and DH have been going through a bit of a rough patch and he's now decided to tell me he doesn't ever want another baby. We had decided on one more if it happened naturally (and by that I mean not putting massive effort into getting pregnant just no birth control and if it happens it happens)
Again without outing myself I fully believe the reason we don't already have one is because he has been unfaithful in the last 7 years and we were trying to get back on track for the other DC. I truly feel if this hadn't happened then we would have already had the baby I desperately want.
But now I feel like I'm not going to be able to get past this rough patch knowing it's never going to happen, and I'm just going to end up resentful.
DH has other DC from previous relationships and is kind of using this as a bargaining tool saying he 'has enough' which I may possibly have accepted if this had been the deal all along. It becoming the deal now has floored me. AIBU to consider ending my marriage over this? I'm really really upset but I know if I do he'll blame me saying I'm putting myself before our other DC.
If I am BU maybe an outside neutral opinion will help me shake off this sinking feeling in my heart

The issue here is him leading me on for several years. If he'd said it when we decided to get back together it could have been the deal breaker. Or it could have been something I could have accepted and been over by now, but I will never know now will I because he's been saying since then that we are having another and when we hit a bump in the road says we aren't. Like a PP said I feel like he's using it against me

YANBU to end your marriage over this. He deceived you when he cheated on you maybe you think he deceived you by letting you think he wanted another baby.

However, I agree that he must have wanted a baby at some point otherwise he wouldn't have been having unprotected sex with you (unless he's had a secret vasectomy).

You don't say how old he is, apologies if you have and I've missed it, but in guessing he's at least in his mid-40s and maybe he genuinely does just think his baby days are behind him at that age whereas when the decision was first made to TTC he was obviously much younger.

My DH is 34 and says in his eyes he is too old to start all over again so although we are TTC#2 he's said that unless it's happened by the time he's 35 then we stop trying because that's his cut off point in terms of what age he'd be prepared to go back to Square One again.

The point I'm making is that there will always be a cut off point and maybe after numerous years of TTC your DH has simply decided that enough is enough.

People are allowed to change their mind and he is NBU if he's changed his mind based on his age or because he's now too old to face the baby stage again.

Like I said though, even if he isn't BU you are still allowed to end your marriage over it if you think you can't accept his decision and feel resentment will build.

Similar situation op, my dh also agreed then said no after stringing the subject along for a few years. I posted on here a few months ago as the resentment had been building up and i felt so angry towards him.
My thread made me realise that i would leave over it. I made escape plans as dh is also controlling, i waver everyday but the upshot is i dont trust him or what he says, he manipulated my feelings and lied to me to control me and the situation, hes selfish and wont change, these issues all stem from the baby issue.

Then theres my biology and the fact it physically hurts sometimes when i see babies and i have two kids but the yearning is strong and im grieving for my child who will never be.

My thread woke me up a little and made me start to confront that dh is ea and controlling.

My only advice is look at your life imagine in 5 years time, with him and without him, both may have no baby in it but will you hate him, will you be resentful and more importantly will you be able to look yourself in the mirror?

Staying for your dc is all well and good but the resentment will begun to turn inwards as you become trapped in the situatiion. You will end up very bitter. This is before you consider his cheating, he has manipulated you op, he is a liar. However you are young and sound like a great mother, i think you are right to think to leave him and sooner rather than later.

A baby puts strain on even a strong healthy relationship. I wouldn't deliberately bring another child into this situation.

YABU

He may have known 100% all the way along that he never ever wanted a 5th child, in which case his deception has been shocking, and the fact he had sex for 7 years without contraception, even more so.

However, there's a whole spectrum between 100% certainly, and a gradual realisation that has taken him from 'being ok with a 5th' to realising he doesn't want another one. He may have been ok with the idea while there would have been a close age gap, but is now seeing all the downsides to starting over again with baby stuff when his children are all 7 years upwards.
There is nothing wrong with that.... people are entitled to change their minds.

The problem for you now is establishing whether he really has deceived you all along. No one would blame you if you choose to end the marriage. But you still need to make that a separate issue from wanting another baby because there is no guarantee you would find a new partner who wants children, and Indeed no guarantee you would fall pregnant anyway

29 is relatively young when having children nowadays. You have time on your side to decide. If you were planning to leave, you have time to organise yourself before going. Do you think your dh will change his mind?
Be honest with yourself - do you really want to spend the rest of your life with your dh? From your posts, it seems like you can't forgive his affair and are staying for your children, more than for the love of your dh. What will happen, when your children grow up and have lives of their own? - you will be left with your dh and you might be full of resentment.

Just to clarify I'm not looking for anyone to encourage me to force him into changing his mind. I'm gutted but I'm not irresponsible

I guess you either believe that he DID truly like the idea of DC5 when you decided not to end your relationship after his affair, or you don't.

If you do believe him, then think it follows that it's unfair to resent or punish him for his change of heart. He has 4DC (with all the time, emotional and financial commitments that entails), is getting older, issues with his exW and co-parenting of his eldest two DC. A "blended family". marriage with you in trouble (albeit due to his affair!) etc.

If you don't believe him, and think he's lied for years, can understand why it might be the final straw!