People visiting my preemie

[ImYourMama]

Please help!

Our daughter was born at 28+6 and is finally coming towards the end of her nicu journey, she may be home in the next fortnight, which is absolutely amazing!

DH's work have allowed him to save his official paternity leave for when she's home and he's been juggling hours to be with us as much as possible. Whilst she's been in hospital we've allowed our parents to come and see her a couple of times and each time, we asked them not to touch her due to infection control, this is also a rule on the ward. They didn't respect this and tried to touch her etc.

Now she's getting to the point of coming home, we're inundated with messages along the lines of 'can't wait for a cuddle' etc, and people are already asking to come and visit, but this is our first baby, I'm having a nightmare BFing and expressing and I'm still not 100% from a very, very dangerous pregnancy. What do we do?!

We don't mind visitors coming to see her, but she's so fragile, and still very prone to infection, and I feel like the second we step through the door, we'll be beating off visitors with a stick. We only get 2 weeks of being together as a family without monitors, nurses and other parents and I can't bear the thought of having to constantly pass my precious girl to all and sundry for the expected 'cuddles'

Am I being a miserable cow? How do we tell visitors they're welcome to come over but they're not guaranteed a cuddle?

We limited holding till dd was classed as full term she was 5lLbs when we got her home and didnt want her handled you need to say something along the lines of that. Premmie babies are fragile but they come on and are not fragile forever, congrats on your teeny tiny bundle.

I stood at the front door with alcohol gel and had a strict no kissing the baby rule

Don't depend on people to monitor their own health. Someone who was a nurse herself came to a party in my mums house with a D&V bug shortly before my due date. Despite mum asking her. She insisted it wasn't a bug even though 4 other people in the house had also succumbed to it.

She didn't want to be left out of the party so didn't care if she infected me or not. Plonked herself right down beside me

Congratulations on your baby, how exciting that you are nearly able to bring her home. Our DS was 28+0 (he's now nearly 11!) - we didn't let anyone come & see him in hospital- I was terrified of him catching anything. (He got two UTIs in hospital which nearly finished him off). We didn't allow visitors for the first month at home, and I didn't take him out anywhere. So YANBU compared to me! I don't regret it for a second- people will respect your decision. It is so easy for them to get infections, and they can be so serious, you do what you feel is right. Trust your gut instinct and be firm with everyone else.

Channel your mama bear. In our Unit one of the consultant neonatologists used to say, you have to learn when you go home how to be a mother. You've had weeks or months of relying on other people's judgement and when you're home, it's on you.

You have to decide what is best for your child, and fight like a tiger to ensure it. If that means, no visits, no holding, no children with snotty noses, whatever - your child only really has you to fight her corner.

You do have to balance it, in the longer term, with the importance of letting other people be there to love and support your child, but when she first comes home is not that time.

I know we didn't let anyone visit for 2 weeks. After that it was immediate family only until my 26 weeker was off oxygen, and even then, few and far between because of the massive risk of RSV. It is a massive jump from parenting in NICU to parenting on your own at home, I needed a lot of time to adjust. Bollocks to anyone who didn't understand that I needed time to start being my child's mother without anyone else's interference!

Everyone else can be as pushy and annoyed as they like but they can only 'snuggle' her if you let them.

People who have never been there won't understand OP.

Stand firm. My 29 weeker came home well after her due date. I was very very careful. She was neutropenic which complicates things but was hospitalised twice in her first winter, once with the flu virus and another a cold.

Hurting someone else's feelings is the least of your worries.

Every day that goes by is a day closer to you all being home together which is fabulous . You deserve a stress free week or two after everything you have been through. Delay them all would be my approach.

We were really lucky dd was born in the winter lots of people had colds and coughs and they were really considerate but you need to stand firm till you are ready however dont keep people away forever baby is delicate but you dont need to keep her wrapped in cottonwool

They already went against your wishes in hospital whilst your baby was very fragile they will do the same when you get home.

When you come home make sure you lock your front door so even if people turn up you dont have to answer the door and they cant let themselves in.

OP. This is time to be really firm. don't go down the route of pretending she is sleeping or putting her in a slING.

Say no! Decide exactly what you can cope with in terms of visitors and then set that in absolute concrete. No more than an hour or so at a time if they are nearby.

Congratulations OP

I had really bad postnatal anxiety when DS was born and when people asked for a cuddle I would literally burst into tears, people soon got the message