Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to expect an apology from my PIL?

87 replies

halflife · 11/02/2007 16:17

My PIL and I had a ridiculously petty argument over something. I snapped at him, then when I tried to walk into his house, he pushed me back so I couldn't get in. We had this vaguely comical (not actually at all funny at the time) situation where I was trying to get into the house (holding my baby ds) and he was shoving me back out of the door. He was furious. This was about 6 weeks ago and I just can't get over it. My dh has spoken to him about it but he denied it and they ended up having a big row . We are supposed to go round there for lunch next week and I just do not want to go.

Help! It is unreasonable to expect an apology?

OP posts:
HeartOnMyGreensleeve · 11/02/2007 16:20

I would expect one. I would be bloody livid if any bloke pushed me, especially while I was holding a baby. Wanker.

What were you arguing about? [nosy git emoticon]

Elasticwoman · 11/02/2007 16:22

I don't know about an apology but it is reasonable to want to clear the air before you next go to his house. He may genuinely have a different recollection of events from yours and almost certainly a different interpretation. Why don't you speak to him and find out what was going on? At the time of the original row you may have been at cross purposes.

Original poster
halflife · 11/02/2007 16:22

we brought our dog round without telling them and it frightened their cat

OP posts:
kimi · 11/02/2007 16:22

He pushed you while you were holding a baby?
I think you should stay well away from him tbh, and let your DH tell him why he will not be seeing his grandchild.

Twiglett · 11/02/2007 16:23

so they were trying to stop you bringing an unwelcome pet into their house?

you should phone them up and apologise and then ask them to apologise for pushing you whilst you were holding baby

were you holding dog lead too?

hunkermunker · 11/02/2007 16:24

It's wrong of me to have sniggered at the reason for the argument, isn't it? But it makes it worse it was so trivial.

I'm sorry, HL - it sounds like this man is a loon - I think that I wouldn't go, actually.

Does your DH support you?

Chandra · 11/02/2007 16:24

If he has siaid he didn't do it, he is not going to offer an apology for the simple reason that that would be accepting he did push you out.

However, as you snapped at him first... (and I don't know what did you say to make him so angry), would it be a better tactic to act a bit conciliatory rather than blame all the problem in his unacceptable behaviour?

Just a thought...

hunkermunker · 11/02/2007 16:24

Although had you brought a dog to my house without telling me, I'd have wanted to shove you too, it has to be said - and I don't have a cat, even.

Chandra · 11/02/2007 16:25

And obviously I have crossposted! apologies

Original poster
halflife · 11/02/2007 16:26

I told you it was ridiculously petty!

I DID snap 'oh for goodness sake' or something like that. Apparently it was because the first word I said to him was a cross one (so he said to dh).

I admit, I was being a mardy cow. But I felt so violated and upset, especially as I was holding the baby. Dh had gone to tie the dog up in the back garden so he didn't see it.

OP posts:
Chandra · 11/02/2007 16:27

Erm... but I agree about trying to get a pet into the house of another person who doesn't want said pet in. As much as I love animals I would be quite annoyed (but I wouldn't push you)

hunkermunker · 11/02/2007 16:27

Violated? Why?

Original poster
halflife · 11/02/2007 16:30

We were fully intending to put the bloody dog in the garden. We had just arrived and all got out of the car, they opened the door, saw the dog, freaked and shut the door (so my other kids couldnt get it). That was when I moaned.

Violated is a bit of a strong word. But I don't like being pushed around and it has really got my back up.

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 11/02/2007 16:32

I think you were unreasonable to take the dog without telling them it was coming.

Freckle · 11/02/2007 16:38

If visiting for the day, I always take my dog to my parents - and they have two cats who are totally unused to dogs. There's never been a problem. Mind you, he is a remarkably well-behaved dog and is probably more frightened of the cats than they are of him - daft mutt.

If your dh had taken the dog to put him in the garden, then your FIL was unreasonable in trying to bar you from the house, IMO. What did he expect you to do? Stand outside the house with the baby until it was time to leave? Bizarre.

I would cancel the next visit and get your dh to explain why.

Original poster
halflife · 11/02/2007 16:39

lol

the really annoying thing is that I asked dh to ring them and tell them - he said 'no' as he thinks they are pathetic about the dog.

AND it isn't even our dog! We were looking after it for a friend.

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 11/02/2007 16:40

Sounds like your dh accepted the invitation without consulting you. He has no right to do that.

Original poster
halflife · 11/02/2007 16:41

He was trying to bar me from the house because he was furious with me for being cross - the dog wasn't even around at this point.

I have to say it is totally out of character for him to have done this.

OP posts:
HeartOnMyGreensleeve · 11/02/2007 16:42

I loathe dogs and I don't think you should have taken it without consulting them first. However I can't see that it justifies him pushing a woman with a child in her arms, that's disgraceful behaviour IMO. I would want an apology before I would sit down to dinner with him.

kimi · 11/02/2007 16:42

So has their cat never seen a dog before? Is it trumatised? For petes sake the man pushed you whoie you were holding a child, all because of a cat being unsettled!

Did he think he would be ok if you fell and split your childs head open on the pavement? Or would that have been ok as long as tiddles was not upset by it.

hunkermunker · 11/02/2007 16:43

Oh, yes, sorry - I wasn't defending your FIL. He should be beaten with sticks.

HeartOnMyGreensleeve · 11/02/2007 16:48

Sticks with rusty nails in the end

HeartOnMyGreensleeve · 11/02/2007 16:50

kimi, the tiddles thing is as bad as the little johnny thing

kimi · 11/02/2007 16:51

MIL had 3 tiddles.......

Not at the same time may i add!!!

kimi · 11/02/2007 16:51

And 2 dogs