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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To of offered to pay

52 replies

Ivechangedmyname1 · 01/11/2016 18:22

Dd is in reception and has various complex medical and behavioural needs.

She does not have a one to one yet, it's taking ages :(

Today she has cut two girls hair (only a little), her own hair and bitten one of the girls. There have been instances of pushing, throwing sand etc, she is on the spectrum but they think there is something else going on, we don't know what. She has a brain abdormalitly so we don't know if it's tied into behaviour etc.

She's been talked to, I've apologised but dh is pissed because I offered to pay for the girls to have their hair 'fixed'.

The mothers I know will say it's fine etc because they are kind and everyone knows dd has issues.

But I still think it was the right thing to do. She cut their hair!! I am mortified.

Aibu? Was I being too ott?

I volunteer a lot at school, I've offered to do more with her at school till a one to one is aquired.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 01/11/2016 18:24

I think it was nice and the right thing to do.

As for the not getting 1-1 support what support are school giving? They will have to cover the first chunk (£6000 maybe can't quite remember) anyway so should be using that to provide some level of support in the meantime - wouldn't cover full time 1-1 but they should be doing something

Gazelda · 01/11/2016 18:25

That was kind of you to offer. I hope they generously decline.
But please don't feel mortified. You are doing your best to get appropriate support for DD, her behaviour isn't her (or your) fault.

ImperialBlether · 01/11/2016 18:29

How did she get hold of scissors in class? That would really worry me. I wouldn't offer to pay otherwise you could be doing it all the time, whenever paint was spilled etc. I certainly wouldn't expect you to pay if your daughter cut my daughter's hair.

SheldonCRules · 01/11/2016 18:34

I would have offered to, it's the right thing to do.

If on the other side I would decline the money and be raising the issue with the school urgently. Thankfully it was only hair but it could have been worse.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/11/2016 18:36

Nice to offer. Nice to turn it down.

However, the staff should be supervising properly.

Tallulahoola · 01/11/2016 18:36

Not OTT though I hope the other parents turn you down and laugh it off as one of those things.

FWIW when I was in Year 1 a bunch of us once cut each other's hair while the teacher's back was turned. And I know plenty of other kids who have done it, so please don't worry!

Sparlklesilverglitter · 01/11/2016 18:36

I would of offered too. It was the right thing to offer, even if the parents decline at least the offer was there.

How did she get the scissors?

alltouchedout · 01/11/2016 18:38

No, I think that was nice of you. I'd turn you down but I'd think you were being lovely.

Candlelight123 · 01/11/2016 18:38

Yes it's the right thing to do, however I wouldn't have expected it if I was one of the dad's mums. why is your dh pissed of about it?

ComfortingKormaBalls · 01/11/2016 18:38

I think you did the right thing by offering to pay and i doubt the parents will accept. Some parents do not have any experience of SN and can be frightened. If the parents know you are approachable and willing to discuss problems then hopefully your DD will benefit.

MyGiddyUncle · 01/11/2016 18:39

I think it was a nice gesture but also a bit OTT (unless of course she's 12 or something which i'm assuming not).

Young kids cutting each other's hair is pretty 'normal' behaviour...whilst I would apologise, I doubt it would have even occurred to me to offer to pay for a haircut for them, or expect the same if the situation was reversed.

MyGiddyUncle · 01/11/2016 18:39

Oh you said reception, sorry I missed it.

Candlelight123 · 01/11/2016 18:39

Sorry stupid auto correct - I wouldn't have expected it if I was one of the dd's mums.

Bluebolt · 01/11/2016 18:39

Unfortunately you seem too understanding and when it comes to resource at the school you need to be less understanding and more demanding. Your child needs support now the how the school provides this support is not your concern. Paying for the re style is a lovely gesture.

My2centsworth · 01/11/2016 18:41

Nice to offer. We did the same when DS broke toys in nursery before Dx and they were managing as best as they could. I am really glad the parents refused though.

Mynestisfullofempty · 01/11/2016 18:45

How was she able top get hold of scissors capable of cutting hair in reception?

I think you were absolutely right to have offered to pay to have the other girls' hair fixed.

Eatthecake · 01/11/2016 18:46

Good manners to offer IMO.

I would say no but I'd remember you as the nice kind Mum that offered anyway.

CosmicOwl · 01/11/2016 18:54

For those asking about scissors, I work in reception and the children have access to scissors at all times, they're round ended but more than capable of cutting hair.

YuckYuckEwwww · 01/11/2016 18:55

This happened in DD2s reception class OP, child involved not on the spectrum but had been taken to the hairdresser previous weekend, combined with never having been allowed to use scissors at home so didn't know how to be sensible with them.

Mother didn't offer to pay and was furious with the school for allowing them scissors. Parents were a bit divided, half thinking that reception children should have had some experience of sensible scissor use before reception, and half (bit less I think) thinking school shouldn't have supplied them at all

Nobody suggested that the mum should have paid for haircuts, the debate was all about whether kids in reception should be allowed scissors at all

I guess I see your OHs POV - maybe he things that you're taking too much "blame" on your DDs behalf by offering to pay, when really it was school time so school should be supervising the activity

OwlinaTree · 01/11/2016 18:56

It would be quite normal for children in reception to be taught how to use scissors and then there to be a cutting activity available for them to do independently.

youarenotkiddingme · 01/11/2016 18:57

I think it's lovely of you to offer. I'd also decline. (I have a DS with ASD so totally get it!)

Also, kids in reception do do this sort of thing nt or SN. They are experimental little buggers Grin

I'd send an email to whoever at school you contact re DD. Just a you understand DD cut some hair today, you've offered to rectify it financially but yiu are concerned that dd was able to do it and ask what they are going to do to prevent further incidents highlighting the seriousness of the scissors and a child who cannot control their actions yet.

You don't need to be complaining or rude but do need to point out you can't compensate daily for your DD behaviour and they should be putting in measures to prevent it.

OwlinaTree · 01/11/2016 18:58

X post cosmic!

MaterEstIratus · 01/11/2016 18:58

You were right to offer, they would be right to decline.

SoupDragon · 01/11/2016 19:00

How was she able top get hold of scissors capable of cutting hair in reception?

Even kiddy safety scissors cut hair.

Thingvellir · 01/11/2016 19:02

If I were one of the mums I'd turn down your offer to pay for a restyle, but would really appreciate that you offered. Even though the hair cutting was not your fault (or your DDs really) it's nice that you tried to make amends.

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