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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To of offered to pay

52 replies

Ivechangedmyname1 · 01/11/2016 18:22

Dd is in reception and has various complex medical and behavioural needs.

She does not have a one to one yet, it's taking ages :(

Today she has cut two girls hair (only a little), her own hair and bitten one of the girls. There have been instances of pushing, throwing sand etc, she is on the spectrum but they think there is something else going on, we don't know what. She has a brain abdormalitly so we don't know if it's tied into behaviour etc.

She's been talked to, I've apologised but dh is pissed because I offered to pay for the girls to have their hair 'fixed'.

The mothers I know will say it's fine etc because they are kind and everyone knows dd has issues.

But I still think it was the right thing to do. She cut their hair!! I am mortified.

Aibu? Was I being too ott?

I volunteer a lot at school, I've offered to do more with her at school till a one to one is aquired.

OP posts:
Msqueen33 · 01/11/2016 19:10

I think it's lovely to offer. My dd has asd and is in year two. I'll also be sending my youngest also has asd next year. They should be supporting her for at least 12.5 hours. Does she have an ehcp? I'd be getting onto the senco to sort top up support. We had a rough start to early years as we didn't have a proper 1:1 in place as they weren't happy with the allocated hours. You need to lean hard on the school.

MsColouring · 01/11/2016 19:14

Gosh - so we have mollycoddlers trying to ban scissors in primary schools. There'll be people trying to ban pencils next!

ThatsNoWayToSayGoodbye · 01/11/2016 19:16

Why are people asking how she got hold of scissors and scissors that could cut hair in class.

Are these serious questions?

All Reception classes have scissors that are capable of cutting everything from plastic yoghurt pots, paper, card and, yes, hair.

It's completely normal for them to be cutting things, and it's also completely normal for one of the little blighters to cut someone's hair!

As for the comment about the staff "supervising properly", most Reception classes will have about 30 children in it. There will usually be 2 members of staff. Each member of staff will be working with a small group of children, or listening to readers or whatever, the rest of the children will be able to make free choices from the activities available to them on that day. And yes, that might include access to scissors. They are supervising properly. But they are not following every child around.

Original poster
Ivechangedmyname1 · 01/11/2016 19:20

I'll be talking to the senco to,orrow, dd teacher was not happy and openly says she finds dd difficult, I know she is scared of handling dd because of how varied her moods are and her behaviour hence why I volunteer a lot. The ta is lovely and the senco, the school is brilliant tbh but dd needs more help now, a watch and wait approach isn't working.

Other mums are lovely and dd said they were playing hairdressers but she has been known to lie. She originally said it's because they annoyed her so.........

Thing is dd is a lovely girl so sweet and kind but she cannot control her emotions.

OP posts:
YuckYuckEwwww · 01/11/2016 19:21

Why are people asking how she got hold of scissors and scissors that could cut hair in class.

Are these serious questions?

Yes as I said when it happened in my DDs reception class nearly half the parents were outraged that kids that young were given scissors

the other half of us were like WTF guys? why haven't you taught your kids to use scissors by now?

Was a very mixed bag with quite a lot of parents outraged that their 4/5 year olds were allowed scissors at all

EveOnline2016 · 01/11/2016 19:21

I don't think scissors should be banned, but only used with close supervision.

Hair grows back in cases like this, but children need to learn safety before being left unsupervised. Luckily it wasn't an eye

EweAreHere · 01/11/2016 19:21

Well said, ThatsNoWay*.

Of course they have access to scissors; they're in school. And even the crafts scissors for little ones will cut hair.

No one can have eyes on your child for every minute of the day, even children with one-to-one TAs. It's impossible.

And, yes, you should have offered to have their hair fixed. They will likely decline, but they may not if the damage needs to be fixed by someone who knows what they're doing and they are financially struggling. Either response is reasonable.

Hopefully a statement will come through for your child soon so that more support can be provided. It's a long arduous process.

SerendipityPhenomenon · 01/11/2016 19:24

It was good of you to offer, but really it is the school's responsibility - they should have been supervising properly. If they haven't got the funding for 1:1 support they should have pushed harder for it, and applied for an EHC Plan. Do you know if they have done that? If they haven't, I would strongly suspect making your own application. You can get advice from IPSEA or SOS SEN.

Mynestisfullofempty · 01/11/2016 19:24

OK, I sincerely apologise for being the idiot who asked the stupid questions about scissors. That is simply because it's such a long time since my own daughter had safety scissors that I just couldn't remember what they could and couldn't cut. I accept that it was a ludicrous question and maybe I'm going senile. Really sorry.

YuckYuckEwwww · 01/11/2016 19:25

Hair grows back in cases like this, but children need to learn safety before being left unsupervised. Luckily it wasn't an eye

LOL heard that line A LOT when it happened at our school

Of course it wasn't an eye, that would involve being stabby not cutty! And stabbiness is less likely to be roleplayed by reception kids than hairdresser!

Original poster
Ivechangedmyname1 · 01/11/2016 19:33

Stabby has me howling, thank you for cheering me up people...... :)

Well dd has a new fringe :( they have access to scissors all the time, last week one of the girls in dd class cut the tip of her finger off!! She needed stitches and an op I think.

OP posts:
YuckYuckEwwww · 01/11/2016 19:44

preschools teach safe cutting and while I don't at all think that preschool is essential, I do think that if parents of NS kids (not you OP) chose not to do preschool they are a bit irresponsible to not teach some safe cutting skills by 4!

NS 4/5 year olds should be able to do some simple cutting

Beeziekn33ze · 01/11/2016 19:45

PencIls and school scissors are both normal reception equipment. But both need instruction and general supervision. This particular little girl needs her one to one TA as soon as possible.
When teaching reception I was lucky a couple of times. I spent most of a story session teasing plasticine out of fine blonde hair, child on my knee holding the story book. Her mother wasn't surprised, it was her twin sister wot did it!
After pe one day a boy told me his vest was in the toilet. He didn't mean on the floor. I went with him to fish it out but it had been flushed away - by his cousin ...
Then I taught in an brand new 1970s open plan school with free access to the loos. Missing one little girl I asked where she was. 'Washing dolly's hair in the toilet' was the reply. That is exactly what she was doing!

Itchyclit · 01/11/2016 19:48

Very kind & considerate of you to offer to pay.

Original poster
Ivechangedmyname1 · 01/11/2016 19:53

Dd went to pre school since she was 2 1/2 so she does know. She can't control her urges.

OP posts:
YuckYuckEwwww · 01/11/2016 19:57

I didn't mean you OP, appreciate its different for kids on the spectrum

I was aiming that at parents of NS kids who think it's the schools fault if their kid's never been allowed to hold a scissors before and does something silly like cut their finger off.

TheCatsMother99 · 01/11/2016 20:02

Try not to beat yourself up about it, I think it was nice of you to offer to pay but hopefully they won't take you up on it.

Considering one of the children had the tip of their finger cut off the other week I'm surprised they still have access to scissors Confused

Ohyesiam · 01/11/2016 20:06

It was good of you to offer.

Bluntness100 · 01/11/2016 20:14

Agree, absolutely you should offer and absolutely they should decline. I don't understand why uour hubby is annoyed about it?

YuckYuckEwwww · 01/11/2016 20:19

Considering one of the children had the tip of their finger cut off the other week I'm surprised they still have access to scissors

nahhhh if they removed all stabby pencils and cutty scissors there'ld still be some kid who shoved a crayon so far up their nose it had to be medically exracted!

OP doesn't need to be overly apologetic, this stuff happens in reception and isn't always the SN kids which is probably why the DP is concerned that the OP is taking too much blame here

Original poster
Ivechangedmyname1 · 01/11/2016 20:22

Oh I know you didn't mean me yuck, just wanted to say it.

We haven't got a lot of money right now but I'm happy to go without something to make it right. Dhand I agree she needs something more now, for safety reasons.

This is just the tip of the iceberg with her behaviour at school. No one listened to me at first, thinking she was a little angel until edac then school only saw a cute little girl! It's coming back to bite them.

OP posts:
WhooooAmI24601 · 01/11/2016 20:29

I work in a Reception class and frankly, you could put them in an empty room filled only with cotton wool and cushions and they'd find some way to be daft with stuff; it's in their very nature to explore how things work and to push the boundaries. It's a totally normal thing (albeit discouraged) to find someone sat giving themselves or a friend a haircut.

DS1 has had scissors since he was tiny; I believe quite strongly in trusting children and teaching them safety. When he was in reception he gave himself a trim, two completely bald spots where devil horns would be. The day before the Reception class photo. There was absolutely no reason for it; he'd had access to them all his life, children just do daft stuff sometimes.

However, I hope your DD does get some support if school are able to provide it. It's ok being blasé and saying "they all do it" but this sounds very much as though it's not the only difficult moment you've had and as a parent it can be incredibly draining knowing that the support network isn't sufficient for their needs. Sending Flowers and an un-MN-type hug.

hotdiggedy · 01/11/2016 20:32

News flash- children in school nurseries and reception class have free access to scissors all the time. Staff only have one pair of eyes. People need to be more realistic about what happens in school and remember that staff in school are actually human and not super robots.

I think it was great that you offered to pay and well done you for helping in school. If only more parents were like you!

Bertucci · 01/11/2016 20:40

I would have offered to pay, too.

Waltermittythesequel · 01/11/2016 20:43

Dd a few years ago came home with a "fringe" that her friend had kindly styled for her.

We talked about scissor safety and how you need to actually learn to be a hairdresser.

Then I got her hair fixed and laughed about it because what can you do?!

Don't worry about it. It was nice of you to offer but these thing happen!

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