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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think this is a serious safe guarding issue

127 replies

Susieqt · 31/10/2016 13:52

I went to my regular toddler group this morning and I'm aware one of the mums has a partner who was recently committed to a mental health hospital because he was hearing voices and seriously harmed their child. Well this morning HE was at the group with her. I overheard her telling the lady that ran the group he was doing really well (so the organizer is well aware of the issue) but quite frankly I don't give a shit, I don't want him anywhere near my child and I don't think he should be in a place full of children when he has harmed his own! Aibu to think he should have been asked to leave? I honestly can't see that I am BU, am I?

OP posts:
brapbrap · 31/10/2016 13:54

Yes, you are

What should he do - sit in a locked room?

Or reintegrate with society which is probably helping him do 'really well'

It's a real head scratcher Hmm

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 31/10/2016 13:54

Yes. YAB vv U!

anyname123 · 31/10/2016 13:54

If he'd seriously harmed their child I doubt they would all be living together as a famile now.....are you quite sure that you have the facts right?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 31/10/2016 13:56

Jesus, no wonder so many people really ashamed to talk about mental health with judgemental arseholes like the OP around! Angry

NavyandWhite · 31/10/2016 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

turnaroundbrighteyes · 31/10/2016 13:57

yabu.

If he'd seriously injured a child due to a physical health problem would you never want him near your child again especially in a situation where he has zero responsibility for anyone elses child AND is being supervised by his partner and the group organiser.

Nurszilla · 31/10/2016 13:57

Yes, you are.

I'm an RMN and approximately 3 months ago I was seriously attacked by a patient,leaving me with potentially life-long injuries. He was seriously unwell at the time.

He's much better now, no longer suffering with his illness and almost ready for discharge. I have zero problem being in the same room as him as I know he is well now.

Please, educate yourself on mental illness. It's not your fault you don't understand it, I get that but it's not his fault he was unwell either. If you really can't stand being around him then don't go!

NavyandWhite · 31/10/2016 13:58

This reply has been deleted

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Sparklesilverglitter · 31/10/2016 14:00

You are being unreasonable

The man was mentally unwell he received help, probably now has access to a wide variety of help and is well on the road to being well again.

The way some people act about mental health is disgusting Angry why are you so judgemental?

No child at a toddler group is left there without a parent I assume so no child is a risk

harderandharder2breathe · 31/10/2016 14:01

Yabu. What is he going to do to your child in a room with you plus other adults plus group leader?

How do you know he harmed his child? Is it possible he had thoughts of doing so while he was ill rather than actually did anything?

SooWrites · 31/10/2016 14:02

I think if he had recently seriously harmed a child, he'd be in some kind of secure housing (prison or hospital) and SS would be involved.

You don't get to walk away from seriously harming a child even if you are suffering MH issues.

There's been a misunderstanding here OP.

Perhaps next time don't engage with the gossips? Particularly around sensitive issues such as MH and child abuse. No good will ever come of it.

Eatthecake · 31/10/2016 14:04

No child will be at the group without a parent so what's the problem OP?

The man was suffering terribly with his mental health and maybe hurt his child ( how you could be certain of that I'm not sure) he has received treatment and that treatmeant is probably on going. He will be in a much better place now

Many people suffer with mental health issues which are an absolute bastard and because of people like you not really understanding and judging many people don't seek help as soon as they should Angry

Isthatwhatdemonsdo · 31/10/2016 14:04

Yeah you are. You've obviously got no idea about mental health issues and how they can affect some people and their families. So do one with your shite attitude.

GashleyCrumbTiny · 31/10/2016 14:04

If he was sectioned, he wouldn't have been released unless deemed well enough to no longer be a danger. I'll be harsh and say I probably wouldn't want the guy babysitting my kid, but in the situation you describe I wouldn't be bothered. YABU.

ifyoulikepinacolada · 31/10/2016 14:08

I'm afraid yab totally u.

PupPupBoogie · 31/10/2016 14:08

If everyone thinks the OP has no mideast about mental health issues then surely education would be better than berating her.

Original poster
Susieqt · 31/10/2016 14:10

Ok thank you for your input I just saw red when I saw him. I know exactly what he did, not through gossip but from the mother. But if the general consensus is I ABU I'll accept that. Indeed I don't know a lot about mental illnesses. But I'm not an arsehole thank you! It's a small group and he's very big and intimidating but hey your right if I dont like it I won't go. Thanks all!

OP posts:
SpookyPumpkin · 31/10/2016 14:10

Toddlers don't take themselves to group they ALWAYS have an adult with them so they will not be unattended with him so what is your issue?

Yes he had mental health trouble and luckily his now on the road to recovery. He is a Dad that attended a trouble group with his child

What do you think should happen to people with mental health troubles? They should be allowed near schools/soft plays etc?
Does that include women with PND as well? Someone with bipolar? Shall we just lock them all away forever?
Some people's attitudes to mental health is really disgusting even these days

cocog · 31/10/2016 14:10

If you feel uncomfortable with him arround your child then you should have left sorry but he has just as much right to be there as any other parent! The statistics of people with mental health issues is immense you probably wouldn't even be able to go to a supermarket without there being someone!

NavyandWhite · 31/10/2016 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pickled0nions · 31/10/2016 14:11

That is rather harsh OP.
My mum has a serious MH illness and I would be so hurt if someone said they didn't want to be near her because of what she has.
You know when they're having these delusions they don't understand reality at all? They think what they're seeing is real to them and it makes them scared. It puts them in fight or flight.

I doubt that he would have ''seriously'' hurt their child, as SS would have stepped in straight away.

Boogers · 31/10/2016 14:12

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DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 31/10/2016 14:14

I doubt he seriously harmed his child.

Yabu.

Brightsmoke · 31/10/2016 14:15

How is someone mentally ill any different to someone physically ill injuring a child? If someone has a broken arm and drops a kettle of hot water on a child, they mean to do it no more that the person suffering from a mental illness.

It probably doesn't help the poor guy having a load of people gossiping behind his back.

OlennasWimple · 31/10/2016 14:15

I wouldn't be sending my small child over for play dates where he was the only adult present any time soon, but I'd be fine with something like a toddler group where there are lots of adults present