To think this is a serious safe guarding issue

[Susieqt]

I went to my regular toddler group this morning and I'm aware one of the mums has a partner who was recently committed to a mental health hospital because he was hearing voices and seriously harmed their child. Well this morning HE was at the group with her. I overheard her telling the lady that ran the group he was doing really well (so the organizer is well aware of the issue) but quite frankly I don't give a shit, I don't want him anywhere near my child and I don't think he should be in a place full of children when he has harmed his own! Aibu to think he should have been asked to leave? I honestly can't see that I am BU, am I?

[Coffeegivemecoffee]

yabu

No toddler takes themself to groups, A parent or responsible adult is always with them

Maybe you should read up about mental Health and how sectioning works. Also if he "seriously" hurt his child the police would of been involved as would social services.
If he is allowed near his child my guess is they don't deem him a risk

He wasn't very well, he received treatment. Now his on the road to recovery why should he take his child to group like any other parent?

I had PND with my youngest, should I not of been allowed near any baby groups either? Maybe I should of been locked in a cupboard?

[Balletgirlmum]

I afrsid yabu.

It would be totally out of order for him to be involved with running the group or supervising other people's children but there is no difference between him attending as the parent of a child at a toddler group than there is in him taking the child to a public park or soft play.

[Laiste]

I could understand the knee jerk reaction if it was just gossip, to be honest. No details to go on ect. But you know the mum well enough for her to have told you about what happened so surely you know enough to make an informed decision about weather you think your child is safe in this situation without the blustering and 'seeing red'?

[ninenicknames]

Y are being V V U

[MrsFionaCharming]

I'm not sure why people are being so harsh to the op. She's not saying "that man has mental health problems, I don't want him near me" she's saying "that man hurt a child, I don't want him near my child".

And what about everyone saying that he can't have done anything so bad because he'd still be in hospital / social services would be involved - we all know how overstretched those are and of cases where things have slipped through the gaps.

[Natsku]

YABU because he is not being alone with any of the children, there's no risk of him harming them. Mental health issues are very hard to understand and deal with, and someone being released after being sectioned doesn't necessarily mean they are ok (my ex has been sectioned twice and each time after release he has, after a few months, become much more ill again because he doesn't follow his treatment properly), but I doubt his partner would be bringing him along if he wasn't continuing his treatment as an outpatient and she felt sure he is doing well.

[LittlePaintBox]

I'd suggest you take your concerns to the person who runs the group, in private, and ask her if there is any risk to the children in the group. If she is OK with it, I'm assuming that he is not a danger to others, but you have a right to ask. Then you're basing your reaction on fact and not hearsay.

It would be unusual if he had been allowed to return to the family home if he had injured his child, or in fact if he'd damaged any child. So some information is missing - best to find out what the facts are IMO.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

Mrs Fiona - probably the use of dramatic 'HE' didn't help, along with general sneeriness.

[Susieqt]

AS I said I'm happy to accept I ABU. And no I do t know much about mental illnesses. It was not gossip it was from the very distressed mother. And I'm think I was also very surprised to see him as the incident was only a week or so ago, but if all the experts that are MN posters think that he's fine I'll accept that. That's why I wanted to know I can only see from my POV and wanted some clarity. Once again to those who were kind enough to offer advice thank you.

[Butterproperbutter]

Yabu

Maybe instead of judging about something you clearly don't understand you should educate yourself a bit about mental illness. It can happen to anyone, even you, your partner, your child

Toddlers always have an adult with them at group, the children are NOT in this mans care, they are NOT alone with him. So what is your problem?

You actually think they should ask him to leave due to mental health trouble? Where do you draw the line what about people with depresssion, PND, Schizophrenia? Should they are be to told to leave as well?

[Boogers]

Navy why 'wow'?

[Lemon12345]

I would take it the same as if the DF with mental health issues had any health issue that caused harm to his child... for example if he had an very serious inner ear issue that caused him to fall on his child or similar. I wouldn't want my child to be close enough to him in case he fell again until I had some sort of assurance that he was 100% fit and healthy. And it would take me a while to build that trust. But I that doesn't mean he should be there and enjoying life with his family. Just that the group leader and the DW need to be more aware and keep an eye on him to make sure he is doing okay.

[SooWrites]

And what about everyone saying that he can't have done anything so bad because he'd still be in hospital / social services would be involved - we all know how overstretched those are and of cases where things have slipped through the gaps.

Even so, they're not going to just pop him a few pills and send him on his merry way. People slip through the gaps when their issues are not caught in time or identified correctly.

If he seriously harmed a child, then he's already been through safeguarding procedures with the medical professionals, police and SS who have clearly deemed him safe to be in the presence of children.

[mouldycheesefan]

If he seriously harmed a child then a toddler group not best place for him.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

And I'm think I was also very surprised to see him as the incident was only a week or so ago, but if all the experts that are MN posters think that he's fine I'll accept that

No, not MN experts, the psychiatry team and MH workers involved in his section, those experts.

[LHReturns]

Oh give OP a break. She has held her hands up and accepted the advice. Why another twenty posts attacking her with exactly the same message? Lord of the Flies much?

[Bucketandspade83]

Yabu

I doubt very much this man "seriously" harmed his child and the police and social services allowed him back in to the family home with his children You clearly don't have the full story OP

No child at toddler group is at risk. He isn't looking after them. He isn't alone with them.

Mental health is a fucking barstard and it can make you do things that you never would if in your stable mind, but it certainly sounds like he is on the way to recovery.

Please do educate yourself on mental health. It could be someone you know suffering one day

[alltouchedout]

I'm a safeguarding social worker in a mental health unit.

If there were ongoing concerns about this man's risk to children I would be surprised if he had been discharged back to the community, let alone to his family. However, that doesn't mean you are in any way unreasonable to be concerned- and like a pp has said, mistakes are made, services may fail to link up. I think you'd be entirely reasonable to talk to the organiser in private and ask her what risk assessment, if any, has been carried out, and what she has done to check that it is appropriate for the man to be present.

People can be so ill one day that everyone around them is at risk and well enough a day or two later to be no risk whatsoever, but it doesn't ever hurt to make sure.

[MrsJayy]

If it was as serious as you are making out he would not be allowed near his child or other children mental health or not the toddler group leaders would not let a dangerous person into the group setting If you have ligitimate concerns for this childs safety call Ss but i do think they will be involved anyway.

[ReallyTired]

If you re concerned then what is to stop you from finding another Toddler group.

I think in a roomful of adults the risks are minimal. It's your job to safeguard your child.

[ghostspirit]

I don't think op is being unreasonable to ask. I think she's getting a hard time. She's probably worried about her child. Maybe she was just looking for reassurance. Maybe she does not know alot about MH. Many people don't.

[YetAnotherHelenMumsnet]

Hi all, the OP has been back repeatedly to thank everyone for their input and to take on board the advice she has been given, please do make sure you've read the thread before going for her poor toothmarked jugular again.
Thanks.