To think there's no excuse for saying this to a child?

[lovelilies]

I'm purposely not setting the scene, may do later but I'm pretty sure there aren't any circumstances when it's okay for an adult to say
"If you ever swear at me again I'll rip a piece into you", to an 11 yo girl.
Are there?

Chopstick

No she wrote that he'd previously been abusive back on page 1. At about 8.30am

I seem to have turned into the thread police.

Will go now!

All the best OP

Was the Ikeawrapping thread about Clare's Law Huppo?
A few came up when I searched...

The physical violence was the odd shove/ play fighting too rough/ slamming doors/ banging fists, so all very hard to prove, easy for him to deny or minimise so never reported to the police. The local DA service may have kept it on record.

That's the one.
I should start at the end unless you have two days!

It's not a shame. An abusive dad is not better than no Dad, for anyone. Given that he's been abusive before, she shouldn't have a choice whether to see him - it shouldn't be an option. He either can't hold his temper around children or he chose to physically abuse her and neither is at all acceptable or understandable.

Have you broken things off with him?

OP, he may say he will not 'hurt' the younger ones, but none of you are emotionally safe with him.

especially when you are still suffering from his emotional abuse enough to be persuaded by a few posters that your 'judgement was clouded'.

Your judgement was not clouded; trust your instincts, believe your judgement and take seriously the reaction of your 11 year old DD. To downplay what she feels would be t effectively gaslight her now, and I am sure that is not your intent.

It isn't a shame that she doesn't want to see him; it is a triumph, and will be her liberation. Why should she see someone who winds her up and then threatens her in a cold menacing way?

Don't fall for his accusation that you are turning your DS against him: it is emotional blackmail designed to make you feel guilty and try and appease him. Or to prove him wrong by turning yourself inside out trying to reconcile your toddler with him.

Unfortunately this thread will now be filled by posters who feel they ca dive in late without having RTFT, and lacking the empathy to read your OP and think 'there must be something else going on here' and 'I wonder if the OP has now discussed the context'.

Blithe reports of the gruesome empty threats bandied about in healthy families are irrelevant to your situation.

Blu

Yes. I 100% agree. If you don't want/can't involve the law (btw, why??) then make sure that your DC are never alone with him. There should be other adults around.

Public places, parks, Cafés, Museums? Yes. Anywhere else? In your house? No way.

I wouldn't have liked it in any context, and don't want that kind of talk in my home. I would never accept it from anyone unless it's clearly a joke. But It is horribly menacing coming from a man who has been abusive in the past, and is definitely not ok. Context is everything, and this is threatening, menacing and frightening and not okay by any stretch of the imagination.

He needs to be told he has no right to speak to her like that, and honestly, I wouldn't be letting him in my house.