To tell DH 'that was horrible'

[fluffypacman]

DH was trying to pursuade dd to go food shopping with him, as she's resistant he says 'I'm trying to do something nice with you, I thought you'd like to cook something with daddy'. She starts to cry. He then tells her that if she won't come now 'he'll just leave her at home to cry'. I intervene as don't like his tone and tell him 'oh DH, that's a horrible thing to say'.

He tells me she's pretending and said to me 'thanks for your support'. To me this seems a pretty insensitive thing to say to a 5yo even if she is putting it on a bit. He has a tendency to get upset if people don't want to do the activities he wants them to do. He sulked a bit last week as he wanted me to take her to the snow dome on my day off and I said I'd be too busy sorting out family stuff. I have PMT so not sure if I'm bu or whether he's truely being an arse.

[MrsJayy]

Oh now i have read your latest post it sounds really hard for you seems the parenting relationship has broken down Im not sure what to suggest really sorry

[Muddlingthroughtoo]

It's hardly horrid, he wanted to spend time with her, she didn't, he's hurt.
I often leave my kids to cry when I know they are just doing it to get their own way. You should back him upz

[lottieandmia]

Yes op - you are right to feel concerned. Your dh is expecting your dd to validate him and his feelings . That is not good parenting. It's his job to love her, it is not her job to love him.

[Mycatsaninja]

OP it's called 'coercive abuse'
He's a bully ! Emotional blackmail is unacceptable and to a five year old is appalling ! Very poor parenting indeed . God help you xx

[PrimalLass]

Mountain out of a molehill.

[Brightredpencil]

He should have just told her she was going shopping with him, and you should have backed him up. You sound like a pair of drama queens and should cop on and parent like adults.

^This.

[CheesyWeez]

I would have been exasperated too OP after all that faffing. With PMT though I'd have welcomed him taking her out for a bit!

I'd be worried about the snowdome thing though, no one tries to organize my day off for me. I hope you work it out OP.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I agreed with you intervening right from the start op. He sounds very immature.

[Yakitori]

He sounds like a manchild.

I can't believe people would always back up their DH. What, regardless? It's vastly more important for a child to know you have their back if their dad IBU.

[MrsC45]

YANBU - if you give your child a choice you shouldn't make them feel guilty if they make the choice you didn't want them to! I think you did the right thing and that actually you are doing your child a real disservice if you give her the message she doesn't have the right to say no to things. Teaching your child to give in to emotional blackmail, especially a girl, is not doing her any favours.

[lottieandmia]

The point is there was no need for her to go. 5 year olds are little. They have to go to school all week at a relatively young age. They should be allowed to have a say in how they spend their weekend just like the rest of us.

I remember my mum getting very angry with me when I was 4 because she took me to a firework display and I was afraid of the noise. I have sensory issues, still but her approach was horrible. It's like 'you will enjoy it because I say so'. Not healthy

[MrsC45]

It's awful behaviour from your husband. How many girls have done things that they didn't want to because a man/boy made her feel guilty, and boys too of course. Teaching children from a young age that it's okay to make a choice someone else doesn't agree with is about the most important thing you can teach a child. Sorry but it's not a petty issue at all.

[Deathstarevicki]

Really? I think your a drama queen. Its a ridiculous none issue.

[WankingMonkey]

It would have been better to disagree with DH over this out of the hearing of your child. Not backing each other up is a prime cause of disturbed behaviour.

Another for this post I am afraid.

Though I have been guilty of it myself before when Dh parents in a way I do not agree with. But I have learnt to bite my tongue til later on, or to ask him to come talk to me now, out of earshot of the kids.