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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset about "bad taste joke"

34 replies

Joanna81 · 29/10/2016 15:09

My husband is working for a company in Bristol. Today he came back home early, clearly upset. He said he had a helper today who said that he would like to rape, strangle and bury woman in the woods. My husband was shocked and upset and just turned around lorry and come back to the depot where around 20 other men ( including managers) came out laughing at him and joking that they will kill someone too ! the other guy sent a message ahead saying that they are coming back. Not even one manager stepped in to make it clear that this kind of joke is not acceptable. My husband just left and came back home. Honestly I'm shocked to the core! but what if the guy was not joking? honestly is that a laughing matter? My husband is not keen to work for them anymore, it would be ok if he didn't have that helper but this how other people in the warehouse behave made him really considering leaving.

OP posts:

memyselfandaye · 29/10/2016 15:30

Are you for real? Rape/murder "jokes" are'nt funny.

However it's not worth chucking his job in over or you being "shocked to the core"

You sound like an overly dramatic pair, and a bit wet tbh.

He may work with a bunch of knobheads, but they probably are'nt going to go out and start snatching women off the street.

Rainydayspending · 29/10/2016 16:00

I don't get how that's funny in anyway? People who commit violence usually express a desire to do so.

toastytoastbear · 29/10/2016 16:02

it's not funny but you're both overreacting

OlennasWimple · 29/10/2016 16:04

it's not funny at all and he should bring it up with his manager

toptoe · 29/10/2016 16:09

So how did the guy say it? I can't think of any way he would have said it as a joke. Was the 'joke' upsetting your husband? Did the guy radio ahead to get everyone on side because he'd said something he thought your dh might report him for?

It's all very very weird. Were they in on it together to wind him up?

maxfielder20 · 29/10/2016 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 29/10/2016 16:11

I disagree that you are over reacting. I can't imagine many truck drivers are over sensitive. If he felt the guy was threatening and unsafe to work with, he needs to put in a formal complaint about the guys behaviour.

I suspect the WAY it was said is as telling as the words.

user1474627704 · 29/10/2016 16:14

Bad taste jokes can be very funny. I don't see a joke at all here though.

You seem a bit precious to be so shocked though. Don't get out much?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 29/10/2016 16:18

Thinking of quitting?! Shocked to the core?! Christ, you'd hate to hear what I hear every day at work OP!

Are you always so over dramatic?!

Tarttlet · 29/10/2016 16:22

I don't think you're overreacting OP - that's absolutely vile. Accusations of overreaction are what stop people reacting negatively to jokes like this in the first place - those of you who are accusing OP of overreacting are just as bad as those who claim it was "only banter", ffs.

AVirginLitTheCandle · 29/10/2016 16:22

Why is the OP BU to be shocked?

It's a shocking thing to say surely?

AVirginLitTheCandle · 29/10/2016 16:23

I also don't understand why people are saying the OP is overreacting. What exactly about her reaction are people finding over the top?

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2016 16:23

What the guy said was not funny, it was vile and disgusting.

But how is your DH going to get away with turning the lorry around, going back to the depot (so the job didn't actually get done), and then deciding to knock off work early and go home, because the bloke said that?

A real over reaction that I think might come back to bite him on the arse.

JellyBelli · 29/10/2016 16:24

Its not funny and you re not overreacting. If theres a head office, he can complain to them.

Good for your DH.

Friendofsadgirl · 29/10/2016 16:29

Actually, I think YANBU.
Someone jokes about rape and murder and some of you think the OP is being precious?

That's an incredibly sick joke. I think your DH showed some integrity by refusing to work with that lowlife. Unfortunately, he should probably not have just left (although I can see why he would If the other staff joined in on the "joke") but should have reported it to a manager and asked to be reassigned a different workmate.

JunosRevenge · 29/10/2016 16:33

What friendof said

It's not at all funny. He should report to HR.

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2016 16:33

That's what I think Friendofsadgirl

It's one thing complaining to head office, but to down tools and go home early because of it, that was an overreaction imo.

MissMillament · 29/10/2016 16:33

Gosh there are some vile and unpleasant people in the world. Unfortunately for you, OP, some of them appear to be on this thread. FWIW I absolutely agree that your husband was right to be appalled. Basically, he was subjected to mockery by his colleagues because he objected to having to listen to someone threatening extreme sexual violence and murder against women. That's not a joke. He needs to lodge a formal complaint in order to protect his own position now - logging exactly what was said and who was there for both parts of the incident.

memyselfandaye · 29/10/2016 16:36

The over reaction comes from walking out of his job then running home to his wife who then posts the story on here, and then wanting to jack his job in.

He could have just stood up for himself and said something loud and clearly so the other bloke got the message.

Olympiathequeen · 29/10/2016 16:38

That's an appalling thing to say, but unfortunately there are some dickheads around and we just have to live with them.

I think it may have been better if your dh had said immediately that it was a disgusting, sick thing to say and just left it at that. To turn around and go back make a big deal out of it. I would certainly not worked with him again though.

JustAnotherPoster00 · 29/10/2016 16:40

Interesting first post OP oh wait its half term isnt it

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2016 16:56

How can you tell a first post from a name change?

Genuine question btw.

gillybeanz · 29/10/2016 16:58

That's not funny at all, but I agree with pp, not worth losing your job over.
Will your dh get a warning or disciplinary action for this?
there are some knob heads we all have to work with, you just have to have a strong back bone, or change your job, perhaps where you work in isolation.

chitofftheshovel · 29/10/2016 17:05

I got from the OP that they had all planned it as a joke to spook their colleague out or at least see what his reaction was.

SemiNormal · 29/10/2016 17:09

I think he's being unreasonable to walk out on the spot but not to consider working somewhere else.

For those saying OP and her partner are being U would you think differently if one of them had a relative who was raped and killed and workmates hadn't known about it? Sadly, for some people, that is a reality, which is why it's probably best not to 'joke' about certain topics.

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