to be upset about "bad taste joke"

[Joanna81]

My husband is working for a company in Bristol. Today he came back home early, clearly upset. He said he had a helper today who said that he would like to rape, strangle and bury woman in the woods. My husband was shocked and upset and just turned around lorry and come back to the depot where around 20 other men ( including managers) came out laughing at him and joking that they will kill someone too ! the other guy sent a message ahead saying that they are coming back. Not even one manager stepped in to make it clear that this kind of joke is not acceptable. My husband just left and came back home. Honestly I'm shocked to the core! but what if the guy was not joking? honestly is that a laughing matter? My husband is not keen to work for them anymore, it would be ok if he didn't have that helper but this how other people in the warehouse behave made him really considering leaving.

[memyselfandaye]

Semi I have had a knife held at my throat at work, I've also experiencf rape and sexual assault, (not all at once) and I am one of them saying yes it's an over reaction.

It was a bunch of knobheads trying to get a reaction out of the OP's husband and it worked.

[AVirginLitTheCandle]

He could have just stood up for himself and said something loud and clearly so the other bloke got the message.

It's such a shame that you won't there at the time to give him your helpful advice and a bit of encouragement.

If only...

[Tliev]

It's not funny but to be so upset that he turned around and drove back - and then too upset to stay at work is a bit wet isn't it? Christ if I got upset about every inappropriate joke I heard at work I'd have a breakdown

[AVirginLitTheCandle]

What if the OP's husband has had a close family member/friend who was raped and murdered and the joke hit a little too close to home for him?

Would he still be "wet" then?

[Joanna81]

yes, my first post. I've been here since 2010 but never post. just today fell like I had to.
some of you are saying we both overreacted. You are clearly never been in a similar situation. I was nearly raped by my boss who managed to partly undress me but I bit him and run. didn't report it because he had 3 daughters age 6, 8 and 12 so I didn't want them to go through the whole embarrassment (karma find him and he lost everything he had). It was before I met my husband and in a different city.
My husband just felt intimated today. He was sitting there with a guy he barely know ( he doesn't work long for the company) and who speaks such awful things and he just didn't know what to expect. maybe a guy was a real psycho. what if he grabbed the steering wheel and cause accident? or took a knife a thread him? yes, it's only " if and maybe" but would you feel comfortable in such situation? when someone next you you is talking about raping and killing someone? there are not mates. They worked only 3 days together.

[WLF46]

This is why we have employment law. Tell him to report it. If he doesn't get an acceptable response, escalate it. Employers will avoid conflict if at all possible, it takes a "trouble maker" to make the complaint before they will take action over something like this.

Honestly though, if it's just a joke (albeit distasteful), it may be better just to let it slide. I've head countless inappropriate jokes at work over the years, made by men and women, old and young, at all levels of seniority. If I complained about every single one, I think I'd find it very difficult to work for any length of time in one job.

Put simply, is it worth risking his job over this? If so, complain, if not, stop worrying.

[memyselfandaye]

Save your ridiculous long drawn out pa sigh AVirginLitTheCandle

A grown up should be able to open his mouth and stand up for himself, he was'nt threatened or in any danger.

OP You're making huge leaps from a dickhead mouthing off to being a psycho, grabbing the steering wheel and pulling a knife and stabbing your husband while he's driving.

If your husband genuinely thinks the guy had a knife, speak to the police.

[WorraLiberty]

If your husband felt intimidated and thought there was a possibility the guy was a psycho, might grab the steering wheel or take a knife to him...why did he think turning the lorry around and going back to the depot was a good idea?

And that was after telling the bloke why he was turning the lorry around in the first place

[JellyBelli]

OP, this link may be useful to your DH if he makes a complaint. Plus misogyny is a hate crime in some places. Not something you should get over.

www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/male_psychopath.html

''For those male domestic violence perpetrators who present with psychopathic personality traits; there is an increased desire for gratification and there is no such awareness of hurting others. ''

''In male sexual psychopaths within this capacity, there is a preoccupation with sexual deviance, sex crimes and promiscuity. ''