Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Unflip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Unflip

1 2

AIBU?

to be upset about "bad taste joke"

34 replies

Joanna81 · 29/10/2016 15:09

My husband is working for a company in Bristol. Today he came back home early, clearly upset. He said he had a helper today who said that he would like to rape, strangle and bury woman in the woods. My husband was shocked and upset and just turned around lorry and come back to the depot where around 20 other men ( including managers) came out laughing at him and joking that they will kill someone too ! the other guy sent a message ahead saying that they are coming back. Not even one manager stepped in to make it clear that this kind of joke is not acceptable. My husband just left and came back home. Honestly I'm shocked to the core! but what if the guy was not joking? honestly is that a laughing matter? My husband is not keen to work for them anymore, it would be ok if he didn't have that helper but this how other people in the warehouse behave made him really considering leaving.

OP posts:

Report

JellyBelli · 30/10/2016 10:22

OP, this link may be useful to your DH if he makes a complaint. Plus misogyny is a hate crime in some places. Not something you should get over.

www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/male_psychopath.html

''For those male domestic violence perpetrators who present with psychopathic personality traits; there is an increased desire for gratification and there is no such awareness of hurting others. ''

''In male sexual psychopaths within this capacity, there is a preoccupation with sexual deviance, sex crimes and promiscuity. ''

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2016 18:11

If your husband felt intimidated and thought there was a possibility the guy was a psycho, might grab the steering wheel or take a knife to him...why did he think turning the lorry around and going back to the depot was a good idea?

And that was after telling the bloke why he was turning the lorry around in the first place

memyselfandaye · 29/10/2016 18:10

Save your ridiculous long drawn out pa sigh AVirginLitTheCandle

A grown up should be able to open his mouth and stand up for himself, he was'nt threatened or in any danger.

OP You're making huge leaps from a dickhead mouthing off to being a psycho, grabbing the steering wheel and pulling a knife and stabbing your husband while he's driving.

If your husband genuinely thinks the guy had a knife, speak to the police.

WLF46 · 29/10/2016 17:42

This is why we have employment law. Tell him to report it. If he doesn't get an acceptable response, escalate it. Employers will avoid conflict if at all possible, it takes a "trouble maker" to make the complaint before they will take action over something like this.

Honestly though, if it's just a joke (albeit distasteful), it may be better just to let it slide. I've head countless inappropriate jokes at work over the years, made by men and women, old and young, at all levels of seniority. If I complained about every single one, I think I'd find it very difficult to work for any length of time in one job.

Put simply, is it worth risking his job over this? If so, complain, if not, stop worrying.

Joanna81 · 29/10/2016 17:36

yes, my first post. I've been here since 2010 but never post. just today fell like I had to.
some of you are saying we both overreacted. You are clearly never been in a similar situation. I was nearly raped by my boss who managed to partly undress me but I bit him and run. didn't report it because he had 3 daughters age 6, 8 and 12 so I didn't want them to go through the whole embarrassment (karma find him and he lost everything he had). It was before I met my husband and in a different city.
My husband just felt intimated today. He was sitting there with a guy he barely know ( he doesn't work long for the company) and who speaks such awful things and he just didn't know what to expect. maybe a guy was a real psycho. what if he grabbed the steering wheel and cause accident? or took a knife a thread him? yes, it's only " if and maybe" but would you feel comfortable in such situation? when someone next you you is talking about raping and killing someone? there are not mates. They worked only 3 days together.

OP posts:

AVirginLitTheCandle · 29/10/2016 17:34

What if the OP's husband has had a close family member/friend who was raped and murdered and the joke hit a little too close to home for him?

Would he still be "wet" then?

Tliev · 29/10/2016 17:32

It's not funny but to be so upset that he turned around and drove back - and then too upset to stay at work is a bit wet isn't it? Christ if I got upset about every inappropriate joke I heard at work I'd have a breakdown

AVirginLitTheCandle · 29/10/2016 17:28

He could have just stood up for himself and said something loud and clearly so the other bloke got the message.

It's such a shame that you won't there at the time to give him your helpful advice and a bit of encouragement.

If only...

memyselfandaye · 29/10/2016 17:17

Semi I have had a knife held at my throat at work, I've also experiencf rape and sexual assault, (not all at once) and I am one of them saying yes it's an over reaction.

It was a bunch of knobheads trying to get a reaction out of the OP's husband and it worked.

SemiNormal · 29/10/2016 17:09

I think he's being unreasonable to walk out on the spot but not to consider working somewhere else.

For those saying OP and her partner are being U would you think differently if one of them had a relative who was raped and killed and workmates hadn't known about it? Sadly, for some people, that is a reality, which is why it's probably best not to 'joke' about certain topics.

chitofftheshovel · 29/10/2016 17:05

I got from the OP that they had all planned it as a joke to spook their colleague out or at least see what his reaction was.

gillybeanz · 29/10/2016 16:58

That's not funny at all, but I agree with pp, not worth losing your job over.
Will your dh get a warning or disciplinary action for this?
there are some knob heads we all have to work with, you just have to have a strong back bone, or change your job, perhaps where you work in isolation.

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2016 16:56

How can you tell a first post from a name change?

Genuine question btw.

JustAnotherPoster00 · 29/10/2016 16:40

Interesting first post OP oh wait its half term isnt it

Olympiathequeen · 29/10/2016 16:38

That's an appalling thing to say, but unfortunately there are some dickheads around and we just have to live with them.

I think it may have been better if your dh had said immediately that it was a disgusting, sick thing to say and just left it at that. To turn around and go back make a big deal out of it. I would certainly not worked with him again though.

memyselfandaye · 29/10/2016 16:36

The over reaction comes from walking out of his job then running home to his wife who then posts the story on here, and then wanting to jack his job in.

He could have just stood up for himself and said something loud and clearly so the other bloke got the message.

MissMillament · 29/10/2016 16:33

Gosh there are some vile and unpleasant people in the world. Unfortunately for you, OP, some of them appear to be on this thread. FWIW I absolutely agree that your husband was right to be appalled. Basically, he was subjected to mockery by his colleagues because he objected to having to listen to someone threatening extreme sexual violence and murder against women. That's not a joke. He needs to lodge a formal complaint in order to protect his own position now - logging exactly what was said and who was there for both parts of the incident.

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2016 16:33

That's what I think Friendofsadgirl

It's one thing complaining to head office, but to down tools and go home early because of it, that was an overreaction imo.

JunosRevenge · 29/10/2016 16:33

What friendof said

It's not at all funny. He should report to HR.

Friendofsadgirl · 29/10/2016 16:29

Actually, I think YANBU.
Someone jokes about rape and murder and some of you think the OP is being precious?

That's an incredibly sick joke. I think your DH showed some integrity by refusing to work with that lowlife. Unfortunately, he should probably not have just left (although I can see why he would If the other staff joined in on the "joke") but should have reported it to a manager and asked to be reassigned a different workmate.

JellyBelli · 29/10/2016 16:24

Its not funny and you re not overreacting. If theres a head office, he can complain to them.

Good for your DH.

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2016 16:23

What the guy said was not funny, it was vile and disgusting.

But how is your DH going to get away with turning the lorry around, going back to the depot (so the job didn't actually get done), and then deciding to knock off work early and go home, because the bloke said that?

A real over reaction that I think might come back to bite him on the arse.

AVirginLitTheCandle · 29/10/2016 16:23

I also don't understand why people are saying the OP is overreacting. What exactly about her reaction are people finding over the top?

AVirginLitTheCandle · 29/10/2016 16:22

Why is the OP BU to be shocked?

It's a shocking thing to say surely?

Tarttlet · 29/10/2016 16:22

I don't think you're overreacting OP - that's absolutely vile. Accusations of overreaction are what stop people reacting negatively to jokes like this in the first place - those of you who are accusing OP of overreacting are just as bad as those who claim it was "only banter", ffs.

Unflip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.