Doctors/nurses/HCPs! AIBU to ask you about male/female bowel movements?

[LaContessaDiPlumpOnSea]

Is there some great difference between males and females in bowel terms that inevitably leads to male shits taking a minimum of 20 minutes while female ones always take 10 min or less? I am constantly amazed at how long DH takes on the pot.

The loo is very close to our kitchen so it's not exactly an oasis of peace, plus we have intrusive small children and no lock on the door. I can't see why he'd actively choose to set up home in there (wifi reception poor in there too!). We eat the same baseline diet (I'm vegan; he adds meat and dairy to his meals) but I don't remember taking this long even when I ate those things as well.

Please can someone advise as to any biological reason why his poos take forever?! I've quizzed him as to whether all men are like this but he's remaining reticent on the issue

I live in a house with three blokes. I've basically got a toilet of my own now because there's always one of them on the main family loo.

DP spends that long in there he can read a few chapters of a Tom Clancy book very easily. According to him, it's because when he's on deployment you don't get time to enjoy yourself on the loo...

No idea what DS1 and DS2's excuse is.

Man-cow

Reverse here too. I love a good poo, period poo being a high spot in my month. These days I poo less as I eat less but still it's never a quick process. I need my own loo really too. DD2 (6) is just like me and is legendary in the family for always needing a 20 minute shit on every outing. She once mournfully turned to me and said "I don't know why mummy but I just always need a poo when I'm having fun"

My DH is very swift when heron his way out to work. Weekends are a different matter entirely! He has basically admitted that he uses it as chance to do fuck all.

He's on not heron!

Same as OP here, I'm in and out in a couple of minutes but DH is at least 20 minutes. Always picks the time we are about to leave the house

I think if you're not constipated, the it takes about thirty seconds....all this heaving and grunting....really maybe men are just in general constipated? My turds are textbook in formation. Consistency of toothpaste, according to my GP preening yet my husband's are the size shape and consistency of a rolling pin. And sometimes unflushable too. Luckily I married him for his shagging ability and nothing as superficial as his motions.

I suspect this wasn't such a phenomenon in the days of outside, unheated privies

Not necessarily. One of MILs elderly neighbours kept the outside privy in place long after they had indoor plumbing installed. The husband still used it. It's almost certainly usually a 'wife avoidance technique'.

Similarly, the most common participation pastime/sport in the UK is actually ...... fishing, practiced mostly by men, sitting down, doing not very much for as long as possible.

I live in a house with DH, DS 18 and DS 20

Bloody hell, how on earth do you ever get near the place?

It's like that myth about women being able to multitask and men not. Very few of these men will be cleaning the sink during their leisurely sit downs. Like PPs say, it's because they can.

I've come to the conclusion it's what they talk to boys about when they take girls aside at age 10/11 to tell them about periods. Boys get to learn about leisurely shitting as a way of avoiding boring repetitive household and child rearing tasks.

Barbara I think you have hit the nail on the head. DS (12) has definitely learned this.

DH is in the "avoid anything I don't want to do" camp.

On the rare occasion that I take my time, I get questioned. Although, since I am a mother, I never get to poo in peace. Thus morning I was required to put earrings in for small child.

I have quizzed dh on why he spends so long doing a poo that he now gets cross and blanks me if I ask him

I have never got a satisfactory answer

What I want to know is: (and sorry it's crude)
Is it just that he is spending longer sitting on the toilet in anticipation of starting to poo? And if so, why?
Or is it that the actual physical process of the poo moving out of his anus is much slower, and if so isn't that really bloody uncomfortable?

DH has completely closed the topic for discussion

It's the other way round in my house. I take a couple of minutes. Perhaps I'm unconsciously gender-dysphoric and actually female. DW on the other hand must actually be a hen - she has a 20-minute sit every evening.

I remember a thread containing speculation that crapping feels especially nice for men. Well, it feels OK in a "body's doing that it's meant to" sort of way.

Dp and Ds take ages having a Poo and they both usually need to go when we're out. They go several times a day. Im just jealous I hardly go at all.

I used to flat share with a bloke.
He pooed every night at 10.30pm.

EVERY night. Even if we were in the pub. Could set your watch by him.

My DH and I have actually discussed this.

After a few enlightening () chats we have pinned it down to diet- I eat loads of fruit and veg, carbs tend to be whole grains (porridge, quinoa etc), plenty of water etc. My shits are nice and easy. Outside of our dinner, his diet isn't quite as fibre rich- dominated by protein, stodgy carbs (white bread, white rice) and processed foods. He has to strain a lot and it takes a while...

I'm still slightly traumatised from that convo...

I'm not sure if this is generally consistent, but many of my male friends have eaten less healthily than my female friends. I'm mid-20's though, so I feel like this might skew things.

I honestly think it's because men tend to eat more meat (slows digestion) and less vegetables/fibre. I don't know if there are any other biological reasons but that's what I believe.

I eat a pretty much vegan diet but occasionally add a tiny bit of meat and definitely notice a decrease my my "ease of digestion" shall we say, when I do.

the menstoolcycle

outside, unheated privies
That's basically a shed with a toilet in it - if we'd have had one of those growing up my Dad would never have wanted to come into the house

I asked DH what he did in the loo for twenty minutes. He said, plays Sim City for a while and contemplates life. However he does live with 3 women, DD2 24 and DD3 almost 18 so I suspect he is hiding. He ignores banging on doors from daughters who want showers cos they are off out, and cant use the downstairs one for some reason. DH is a nurse, there is no biological reason apparently.

afaik there is a strong positive correlation between fiber intake and intestinal transit time, esp soluble fibre from fruit and veg, seems plausible that men are on average a bit less likely to eat a high soluble fibre diet.

Hormones can slow down/speed things up for women, in both men and women the gut can become very responsive to stress.

I'm variable due to IBS, but will go when I feel the urge (unless "teacher mode" is engaged to delay for several hours in non emergency situations).

DH will tend to warn me that he's going off and it may be some time. Diet could be a factor. I eat porridge or wholemeal toast for breakfast. He will rush down a yoghurt if that. I eat a more substantial lunch too (he has a cheese sandwich every weekday), and I also eat a greater range of salad/fruit/veg.

The DSs (3 & 5) take forever. They've had history of food allergies and intolerance, but have grown out of it. They announce that they need a poo, and it takes forever before the calls for bum wiping begin, and goodness the room honks! Unfortunately they seem to be synchronized, so as soon as I'm over the trauma of dealing with the first, the process repeats again.

My friend takes forever. We often used to go away for weekends, and he'd sit in a cubicle for at least half and hour grunting and straining. I suspect far too much fibrous breakfast cereal, and too little water.

I would hate it if someone quizzed me about the time I spent in the toilet, dont we all deserve to be able to relax and take the time we need for our bodies to function?
If someone tried to hurry me up I think my gut would seize up with stress, I'm so glad I live on my own!

If he's eating meat and dairy he has less fibre proportionally than you. So that means he's more likely to have problems.

How about investing in a Squatty Potty? Since we got one both my DH and I hardly have time to open a magazine before we're all done.

This is a much bigger issue in our house than it should be. My husband can spend 40 minutes in the toilet pooing/reading/playing games on his phone. One day he spent 1hour 40 in the toilet going 3 times. He spends longer doing a poo than I do showering. We only have one bathroom so in the morning he is hogging it as it's poo, shower & shave. Drive me nuts. It's a luxury disappearing for that long. It's selfish too.

could it be a dominance behavior thing....territory marking?

This is very funny. We've just come from holiday and every morning after breakfast (without fail) we would all be banished from the apartment for half an hour so H could have his morning poo. It has been the same on other holidays but I noticed it more this time as I now a two year old bolter to keep tabs on.
I asked why he has to poo in complete privacy, like a very shy cat. He couldn't explain.
I asked why half an hour. He couldn't explain. (He is a secret smoker - he thinks I think he has given up but even that doesn't account for the time incurred)
I asked when he thinks I get to poo. (Answer: in a snatched moment when I need to whenever I can - no evacuation of personnel required)
I'm still baffled.

Unfortunately they seem to be synchronized, so as soon as I'm over the trauma of dealing with the first, the process repeats again.

Funnily enough, I have two cats the do the same thing with the litter tray.