Doctors/nurses/HCPs! AIBU to ask you about male/female bowel movements?

[LaContessaDiPlumpOnSea]

Is there some great difference between males and females in bowel terms that inevitably leads to male shits taking a minimum of 20 minutes while female ones always take 10 min or less? I am constantly amazed at how long DH takes on the pot.

The loo is very close to our kitchen so it's not exactly an oasis of peace, plus we have intrusive small children and no lock on the door. I can't see why he'd actively choose to set up home in there (wifi reception poor in there too!). We eat the same baseline diet (I'm vegan; he adds meat and dairy to his meals) but I don't remember taking this long even when I ate those things as well.

Please can someone advise as to any biological reason why his poos take forever?! I've quizzed him as to whether all men are like this but he's remaining reticent on the issue

[SeasonalVag]

My husband births a turd every two days. I genuinely find this odd. I go twice a day.

He has piles from sitting there waiting for contractions.
Like most mothers, I dump n run.

[cocoabuttersosoft]

You need to get him his own special squat toilet, Seasonal. Apparently much better for everything to, erm... flow freely.

[helpimitchy]

I actually do cleaning whilst I'm on the toilet. I can reach the sink and taps and I give them a nice spray and a rub so as to always be doing something useful at all times

[S1lentAllTheseYears]

I suspect this wasn't such a phenomenon in the days of outside, unheated privies.

I dunno. I'd be willing to bet plenty of blokes would have just put an extra jumper on before heading down the bottom of the garden with the newspaper. Especially when the house was full of small demanding children!

[NicknameUsed]

What a sexist thread

[shrieklesoda]

I've read of this on mumsnet and in general but it's not actually something I've come across in 'real life'. None of the men I've ever shared a house with have done it, and none of my male colleagues have ever disappeared from the office for half an hour every day. And I've honestly never seen someone take a book or newspaper to the look, or been in a bathroom with reading materials by the toilet.

I know it happens, and happens a lot, but thankfully it's not inevitable!

[shrieklesoda]

But I would definitely agree that they do it because they can.

[lizzieoak]

I'm now single & live w a darling teenage boy. Who can take up to 20 minutes in the loo. We only have one loo & it's bloody inconvenient. Plus he'll suddenly discover that he has to go just as we're headed off somewhere.

I suspect they're waiting on gravity as well.

If they don't grasp that there's ... control back there, does this mean gay blokes would take less time on the bog?

[QueenofLouisiana]

You can set a watch by DH- almost always halfway through his breakfast. No he can't go before nor leave it 4 minutes until he's finished- it has to be at that moment.

Repeat scenario at the end of any car journey of more than 1 hour and directly before dinner.

[LaContessaDiPlumpOnSea]

Not intended to be a sexist thread; I honestly thought it might be down to biological differences because I could see no other reason for such difference in bowel behaviour!

I was crying laughing at the 'their bowels turn to water' comment though

[BreatheDeep]

DH does this too. It's definitely not to get out of chores etc though as he probably does more than me in that respect. I've quizzed him. He doesn't know - just says it takes that long. So I think it's a case of 1) waiting for it to happen rather than helping the process along and 2) needing timeout/getting distracted by book/mobile/newspaper.

Out of interest are haemorrhoids more of a female thing? Could it be related?

[Evariste]

I live in a house with DH, DS 18 and DS 20.
There is an aray of entertainment in the bathroom sudoku books, scientific papers, and wi fi of course.
The day is All Wrong if they can't spend 20 minutes in there before work / college.

[myfavouritecolourispurple]

I do think most men are completely dysfunctional when it comes to the loo. My DH can only go at home (he can manage when we are on holiday if we all go off somewhere and leave him in the hotel room on his own when he needs to go). Which means that when he comes home from work he's bursting to go. When I need to go I need to go!

My cousin spends 45 minutes in the loo while he reads the newspaper and does his business.

I'm in and out in 2 minutes.

[ThornyBird]

Well all I can add is that dh and I are the reverse of all the examples on here

He's in and out in a couple of minutes while I take my book in and settle down for the long haul.

I also struggle to 'play away from home' and even have a preference between our 2 bathrooms.

It's all habit isn't it?

[helpimitchy]

Perhaps they don't know how to push it out if they rely on gravity it will take a long time.

[APMom]

My husband can easily spend an hour in the bathroom sometimes twice a day. If anyone needs the bathroom he says "I'll be out in a minute" - yeh right! Funnily enough I have two sons who don't spend that long in there.

[RJnomore1]

Thorny we are reverse as well. Dh has to go when he goes and he has to go THEN. And he is in and out before I would even have got sat down. Sometimes he does take his phone or something but he would admit himself he is just fannying about then. He also hates going anywhere outside the house - and his own toilet in the house, not any of the others - unless he is has a drink. Three pints of lager and thats him.

He had a coffee in the morning, says oh here we go and off he trots. Its quite amazing, he is one of those people who the coffee acts on.

I on the other hand like to get settled down with a magazine and relax...

[EastMidsMummy]

They are probably having a wank.

[Rollonbedtime7pm]

I don't understand how it can take so long - you feel the need so you go to the toilet, over and done with surely?! It's the 'I might need to go' sitting for hours that is just odd!

My DH just uses it as an escape tactic I think - it's beyond annoying when he is late from work so I have to dish up the dinner with 'witching hour' baby stuck to my hip and then he walks in and announces he needs a poo and disappears upstairs for 10 mins!

[2kids2dogsnosense]

shriek

It's not just at home that this happens.

Iv'e worked in offices where the blokes took turns going to the toilet for half an hour with the same newspaper clutched in their hairy mitts (yuck - do they know how much bacteria paper absorbs).

That newspaper used to do the rounds of the office - occasionally some lazy arse (pun not intended) would plonk it on the edge of my desk (I was nearest to the door) for the next in the lavatory relay, and I would pick it up by the very corner, using a paper hanky, and put it in the bin before polishing the corner of my desk, and a chorus of "Ha' way man - we aren't finished with that!" would go up.

Dis-GUSTING!

[shrieklesoda]

2kids ewwww, at sharing the office 'off for a poo' newspaper.

[shrieklesoda]

I bet if a woman in an office disappeared for half an hour every day, she'd be brought in for a little chat from her boss about work hours being for work.

[rawsienna]

My OH poos four times a day.
I swear he was a cow in a previous life.

They even look like cow pats. I make him flush twice to avoid skidders.



Women do poos that Gillian McKeith would be proud of.

[rawsienna]

It should be the other way around.
We women have sluggish ransit times according to Gok Wan on his Activia ads.
So, in theory we are the ones that need longer on the loo.

Tis a mystery.

[rawsienna]

transit.