relationship ended. do I owe his family an explanation?

[advancetogo]

We were in a relationship for just over 3 years. Never moved in together.

I started off liking his family but gradually started to hate them. I found them to be controlling, judgmental and disapproving of anyone who lives and thinks differently to what they consider normal.

I really tried to make it work. Nodded and went along with things at first. Then I started speaking out a bit and politely (I think) stood my ground on differing views.

It all went completely pear shaped though when I (again, I think) politely turned down an invitation to a family event as I was booked to go away on a business trip that weekend. The proverbial hit the fan and histrionics ensued.

Fed up of the drama, I pulled further and further away until I was practically NC with them.

Meanwhile it was, unsurprisingly, affecting the relationship and eventually it broke.

It's been about a fortnight now since we broke up. And I've just received an email from ex's father complaining that I hadn't been in touch, that I should have the decency to at least talk to them about the end of the relationship.

AIBU to ignore the email?

So odd! Ignore them, it's a ploy. Kids won't be that upset.

I wonder if your ex has made some accusations to them about being the reason you split and they want to know if it's true?

If you want to respond just say 'it's better for everyone if we don't stay in touch. ' then block them.

They sound controlling as hell, you obviously didn't even like each other and the relationship is none of their business why the hell would you discuss it with them?

I know! It's weird isn't it? As a PP said, it feels like the frigging mafia. Once you're in you don't get to leave alive.

I imagine the reason they're clinging so hard is a feat that ex will be seen as some sort of failure for not being able to "hold onto his woman"

They're a very patriarchal family.

*fear not feat

Block them all.

Jesus. How much time did you spend with the children that they're going to miss you so much?

Just sounds like lots of drama and emotional blackmail.

Best off out of it love.

Block and stop engaging. Unless you enjoy the drama. ;)

Either block them, or say 'Of course we can stay in touch, if you'd like that :-)'...and then just respond as and when, until they lose interest.

TBH I wouldn't even have sent the email - by replying, you validated FIL's belief that you owed him an explanation and I think the subtleties around "perfect for you' will be lost on him.

Just block all their emails and unfriend them on FB.

Yes, I see what you mean Shinynewusername.

Oh well, too late now, email has been sent and I don't think it was the wrong thing to do as such but I shall certainly block and unfriend.

They are all nuts.

Just reply they need to move on, you want nothing more to do with them. Then block them on facebook.

Do the 7yo and 9yo have their own FB accounts or have they sent a message via their parents?

they know it's their fault, they are trying to get you to say it do they can then blame you for being difficult!

Complete loonies, the lot of them!

OP you had a very lucky escape I think. Christ they sound awful.

My goodness Noway, your ex can tell them, nothing to do with you now. They sound toxic and batty, you are way out of it. I would message him, that it is nothing to do with them, as ex, please don't contact me again. Ignore and block!

Family sounds mad and too over involved in ex life. Ignore any further messages, delete and block. Not your problem now. Sil kids are her kids, not yours, they shod all grow up and get a life!

Bunch of drama llamas the lot of them. It's like they want their own personal soap opera life.

Delete, block and don't reply to them ever again.

What a shame that you thought he deserved a reply.

I think there are ways of doing things that let things drop in a quieter way. I think the email was a nice sign off. I guess the family was more shocked as perhaps didn't see it coming. You have mentally moved on as you have had time to process it. They haven't.

Not op problem now!

DS had girlfriend's DM on the phone to him at 2 in the morning after they (amenably and predictably) split up.

I thought that was weird enough!

He put the phone down, without saying a word.

Sometimes it isn't predictable and I think it's quite normal to have contact with ex people to express your sorrow / concern/ your happiness at having known them / wish them well etc

You have wisely dodged a big bullet there OP.

Could have been on here in a few years posting about 'irreconcilable differences'between you and his family at Christmas,Easter,holidays,child rearing.(insert any).

You owe them nothing. Good relationships are built on trust and acceptance. You had a work commitment that has to take precedence ( or you don't have a job right?).
I think you are well out of the picture. It doesn't sound like a healthy environment and your ex is obviously unable to break away from this for whatever reason.