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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

relationship ended. do I owe his family an explanation?

99 replies

advancetogo · 28/10/2016 22:06

We were in a relationship for just over 3 years. Never moved in together.

I started off liking his family but gradually started to hate them. I found them to be controlling, judgmental and disapproving of anyone who lives and thinks differently to what they consider normal.

I really tried to make it work. Nodded and went along with things at first. Then I started speaking out a bit and politely (I think) stood my ground on differing views.

It all went completely pear shaped though when I (again, I think) politely turned down an invitation to a family event as I was booked to go away on a business trip that weekend. The proverbial hit the fan and histrionics ensued.

Fed up of the drama, I pulled further and further away until I was practically NC with them.

Meanwhile it was, unsurprisingly, affecting the relationship and eventually it broke.

It's been about a fortnight now since we broke up. And I've just received an email from ex's father complaining that I hadn't been in touch, that I should have the decency to at least talk to them about the end of the relationship.

AIBU to ignore the email?

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 29/10/2016 04:10

He'll be phoning you next, then turning up on the doorstep...

tibbawyrots · 29/10/2016 07:56

I wouldn't have responded as it's opened up a line of communication and made it seem like a normal thing to have done. You owe them nothing. No explanation, no reasons, nothing.

Be prepared for his reply, to which I would ignore. Don't delete it just in case.

TathitiPete · 29/10/2016 08:35

Yeah, I was about to write what tibbawyrots said. By replying you've validated his (insane) notion that this is in anyway acceptable. If this were me the only reply I might've sent would have been a short one but it would've included a line about how contacting your child's expartner and demanding an explanation for their split is not an okay thing to do.

At least you're out of it now, what an arrogant arse your ex's dad is!

EnoughAlready43 · 29/10/2016 09:09

Sounds like the bleeding mafia. Ignore.

junebirthdaygirl · 29/10/2016 10:08

The fact he contacted you shows you are not imaging how bad they were. Such cheek! If he contacts again do not engage as that would be right up his alley. There might be some excuse if there were gc involved but you owe him nothing.

DartmoorDoughnut · 29/10/2016 10:19

No wonder you didn't want contact with the them!

RaspberryOverloadTheFirst · 29/10/2016 11:15

Now that you've sent that email, don't reply to anything else. That was a nice email to sign off with, just ignore any future emails/phone calls, etc. It's all history now.

TheNaze73 · 29/10/2016 11:28

You're a better person than me. I'd have ignited it. Good email though

TheNaze73 · 29/10/2016 11:28

Ignored! Ignited may have been slightly OTT!

Usernamegone · 29/10/2016 13:26

Let us know if they reply!

iminshock · 29/10/2016 13:45

Trump supporters I'm guessing Grin

Original poster
advancetogo · 30/10/2016 01:15

Update: BIL and SIL have since been in touch via Facebook messenger Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
advancetogo · 30/10/2016 01:16

(we'r not married but used those acronyms for convenience sake)

OP posts:
TheStoic · 30/10/2016 03:13

They all seem to have taken the break up quite hard - they must really love you. Grin

Cucumber5 · 30/10/2016 03:18

What did they say?

qwertyuiopasdfghjkl · 30/10/2016 03:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Italiangreyhound · 30/10/2016 03:58

Bloody hell. Is it because of the family you split. Maybe they sense this and want to see if it is the case.

I would not engage with them. They are nuts. It is actually really rude to your ex for his family to do this.

If you feel the need to reply to anything more at all I would just say

"Out of respect for your (name) or your son/brother/brother-in-law I will not be discussing our former relationship with you/the rest of the family.

Italiangreyhound · 30/10/2016 03:59

Sorry...

"Out of respect for (name) or your son/brother/brother-in-law I will not be discussing our former relationship with you/the rest of the family.

Original poster
advancetogo · 30/10/2016 07:23

Not sure about love but they certainly don't seem to be able to let go. Confused

It's the children (B&SIL's). They are 7 and 10. Boy and girl. Apparently they have taken the news badly and the family want to know if I'm intending to ever see them again. Erm, no, I hadn't planned on doing so.

Weirdos.

But of course I feel a bit guilty that they're so upset (that is, if they really are and it's not just a ploy to guilt trip me into staying in touch) as I was fond of them, though hardly ever saw them - maybe once, twice a year if that.

Argh! What do I do?

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 30/10/2016 07:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmberEars · 30/10/2016 07:27

His family are crazy!!

SabineUndine · 30/10/2016 07:32

Ignore and block. If you reply it will just take that much longer to break free.

Princecharlesfirstwife · 30/10/2016 07:33

Those kids won't give two hoots I'm sure. I really wouldn't even bother replying.
I had a sort of similar situation but from another angle some years back. Dsis split up with her girlfriend of a couple of years and I got a distraught email from said girlfriend saying how much she'd miss us all (not particularly dsis, rather dsis' extended family - all the dcs etc). I think I sent a vague platitude back. Never heard from her again. Dcs barely even remember her let alone miss her.

FerretFred · 30/10/2016 07:34

Do absolutely fuck all. The kids are nothing to do with you and in no way are they that upset. This is just blackmail.

I wonder what the underlying reason for them all wanting you back so badly.

Time to come off Facebook, change your mobile/email and generally get away from them.

HaveNoSocks · 30/10/2016 07:34

Bloody hell! I thought this was going to be a family that you loved and were close to. They sound controlling as hell, you obviously didn't even like each other and the relationship is none of their business why the hell would you discuss it with them?