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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

We gave friends nothing for their wedding....

87 replies

Diel · 28/10/2016 19:07

We were looking for a very specific gift for our friends that we couldn't get in stock and wouldn't be practical to carry on the actual day. We explained to the groom that we would drop by with the gift when they were home from Honeymoon at some stage and he said that they had wondered if some gifts had gone missing as a number of people hadn't brought anything (not sure why others didn't have gifts but point is it was certainly noted) Anyway, it's only just came back to me that we never did track down the gift or give anything else in it's place whilst reading another thread on here. I feel terrible!! We were both at the full day of the lovely wedding of good friends and fully intended to follow up with the gift. This was 3 years ago (I know, awful!!) my question is, AIBU to send a gift now with our heartfelt apology? I was thinking I would just be honest about how it happened and hope they enjoy a very late gift.

OP posts:

Adnerb95 · 28/10/2016 21:24

Glad I don't know some of the PPs IRL. What a self-righteous bunch.

Lovely idea OP - I'm sure they will appreciate your gift all the more for being unexpected.

PaulDacresConscience · 28/10/2016 21:26

Some people are utterly po-faced and really do need to get a grip

Lighten up - it was a bloody wedding gift, not a life saving organ transplant.

Original poster

Diel · 28/10/2016 21:58

I think it was poor that we let the gift slide but I also think that our friendship over the years has been more important. I am a bit saddened by how much importance some posters have put on a gift, would this really mean so much to you?! At my own wedding some people gave gifts and some didn't, or did a bit down the line (not 3 years to be fair) but I've considered this more a bit rubbish than really terrible. But thank you for all of your replies, I think I feel confident in hoping for a warm response to a late but loving gift :D

OP posts:

ConvincingLiar · 28/10/2016 22:06

Never too late as long as they're not divorced

FluffyFluffster · 28/10/2016 22:08

I think it would be nice to send the dinner voucher.

Interesting how if you forget to send a gift you're 'shitty' but if you complain that someone attended your wedding but didn't give a gift you're grabby...

So give the voucher, have a laugh then invite them over for a drink a bit later.

elodie2000 · 28/10/2016 22:12

I would love a wedding gift sent 3 years late!!! Send it OP with a ( tongue in cheek) apology for the delay!! They'll love you for it and if they're nice people, will see the funny side!!

RortyCrankle · 28/10/2016 23:14

Wow - you 'forgot' for 3 years? Really? I would tell you where to shove your gift.

squoosh · 28/10/2016 23:23

So many angry people.........

w12newmum · 28/10/2016 23:40

Who could be mad about getting a gift - if they remember that you didn't give a gift then surely they will be pleased you did too eventually and if they don't remember it will be a pleasant surprise

OlennasWimple · 29/10/2016 00:42

If one of my close friends (and it sounds like you are, given the various other events you have attended) sent me a present with an apology that was three years too late, I would only think good things of them. If they are normally disorganised, I would think it typical of them - but I know that about them and love them anyway. If they were normally not the sort to forget, I would know it wasn't malicious.

Seriously, some pp are hard work!

lalalalyra · 29/10/2016 05:25

We did this last year and only realised when DH said to another friend "Oh Lala organised one of those for X and Y, where did you get it from?" and I had an opened mouthed "No, YOU organised it for X and Y..."

Friends were lovely about it and delighted by a surprise present 8 months after their wedding.

If you are still friends then just explain and send them it.

KoalaDownUnder · 29/10/2016 06:20

Wow - you 'forgot' for 3 years? Really? I would tell you where to shove your gift.

Delightful.

Just give them the gift now, OP. Sure, it's embarrassing, but as someone else said / it's a gift, not a life-saving organ transplant. Big deal.

By the logic of some on this thread, should I cut off all the people who never thanked me for wedding gifts? Bin the whole friendship over such a rude gift-related slight?

Didn't think so.

BellesBelles · 29/10/2016 06:44

I think it's definitely better late than never.

I know you didn't do this on purpose, obviously. However I've noticed that those who do do this sort of thing on purpose are usually under the illusion that other people don't notice/forget. They do notice and they don't forget

What a lovely surprise they would have to receive a gift now. Please don't back out of it on the basis that "they won't notice now anyway". It's a super thought and it's the right spirit.

captaincunt · 29/10/2016 06:48

Go for it, I would be pleased to receive a surprise gift.

Yakitori · 29/10/2016 06:58

I do find it odd that you have had an epiphany about it 3 years later. If they are (still) good friends I'd take them out to dinner not send some vouchers.

Tiredstressed · 29/10/2016 07:12

I am surprised by some of the responses on this thread. It would not occur to me to be angry with someone or end a friendship because someone didn't get me a present. Let alone a wedding present, given the cost of attending a wedding.

Adnerb95 · 29/10/2016 07:17

Agreed stressed - some people are just way too touchy!

It seems that some in the MN universe are just completely perfect - apart from their judgementalism, lack of grace and high opinion of themselves.

KoalaDownUnder · 29/10/2016 07:18

Yeah, I agree too.

Cannot imagine getting so bent out of shape over a gift.

ProfYaffle · 29/10/2016 07:19

I like a pp's idea of an anniversary gift, nice anniversary dinner would be lovely.

(another one here who doesn't get the angst)

PeppaIsMyHero · 29/10/2016 07:31

I would be delighted to receive an unexpected gift three years down the line, and realise that good friends had been thinking about us and our wedding (all those years ago).

The fact that you're bothering to finally deliver a gift so far down the line speaks volumes about your feelings towards them - if I were them I'd really love it.

P.S. Life gets in the way of good intentions sometimes - it happens to everyone. I'm sure they've felt the same and will understand.

waterrat · 29/10/2016 07:32

I got married recently and didn't care about presents.

You shouldn't be worrying at all but if you did give a gift that would be a nice gesture.

taybert · 29/10/2016 07:32

I think the fact that they still speak to you means they aren't the sort to tell you to shove it. I would find this hilarious. But then I have one friend and the agreement is we send each other and our kids something once a year and this covers birthdays and Christmas. The timing of said gift may or may not bear any resemblance to when those actual events occur. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure her wedding gift to us was about a year late.

Now then, that reminds me.....

septembersunshine · 29/10/2016 07:34

I would love to have the gift three years late. It would become one of those funny stories in years to come! Who knows...they might really benefit from a pick me up now op. A nice meal out. I think it's sweet you are rectifying it now and it will be taken in good humour by your friends.

NoahVale · 29/10/2016 07:46

they are probably just as surprised as you
why dont you mention it now to them?
are you sure you havent forgotten that you actually did get them the gift though?

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 29/10/2016 07:49

RortyCrankle
"Wow - you 'forgot' for 3 years? Really? I would tell you where to shove your gift."

And if that's the sort of person you were I'd have told you to shove your 'friendship' a long time ago and be bloody glad I hadn't wasted any of my hard earned cash on you.

OP, I think they will appreciate the fact that you have taken the time and thought to correct your oversight unless they're as thankless and materialistic as some on this thread, and a restaurant voucher, would be a welcome surprise! Go for it :)

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