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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

We gave friends nothing for their wedding....

87 replies

Diel · 28/10/2016 19:07

We were looking for a very specific gift for our friends that we couldn't get in stock and wouldn't be practical to carry on the actual day. We explained to the groom that we would drop by with the gift when they were home from Honeymoon at some stage and he said that they had wondered if some gifts had gone missing as a number of people hadn't brought anything (not sure why others didn't have gifts but point is it was certainly noted) Anyway, it's only just came back to me that we never did track down the gift or give anything else in it's place whilst reading another thread on here. I feel terrible!! We were both at the full day of the lovely wedding of good friends and fully intended to follow up with the gift. This was 3 years ago (I know, awful!!) my question is, AIBU to send a gift now with our heartfelt apology? I was thinking I would just be honest about how it happened and hope they enjoy a very late gift.

OP posts:

Leeds2 · 28/10/2016 19:41

I would send the gift, and explain why it is so late!

PaulDacresConscience · 28/10/2016 19:43

I think it's a really nice idea and as long as you are sincere and explain what happened honestly, then hopefully they will take it as intended - which is a lovely gesture. If you don't see them very often then it might be a nice way to reconnect with them.

Sometimes life gets in the way and despite our best intentions we end up forgetting and overlooking stuff.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 28/10/2016 19:46

I think it's a nice idea. Check they haven't divorced first though.

MrsGuyOfGisbo · 28/10/2016 19:49

Check they haven't divorced first though.

charlestonchaplin · 28/10/2016 19:56

This thread shows how hard some people find it to forgive relatively minor misdemeanours, so be prepared! However if you have seen them in the meantime and they seemed okay then give it a go, I'd say, but be prepared for them to be less than pleased.

YellowCrocus · 28/10/2016 19:56

I am going to my friends dds birthday party this week, with a present for the dd, her other dd (birthday in August), and my dear friend (birthday in June). This is very common in my friendship circle, we are all very busy, we all mark each other s celebrations by being present and giving our good wishes and usually catch up with the presents in the long run. If we forget the presents sometimes, it's no big deal. Don't sweat it, it will be a lovely surprise.

SpookyPotato · 28/10/2016 20:01

I would love this and have a good laugh about it!

Bertucci · 28/10/2016 20:03

3 years

I'd be very embarrassed.Yes - send them a gift now with a big apology.

Original poster

Diel · 28/10/2016 20:05

I don't mean they should take us to dinner, just a bit of fun about them having dinner on us and hopefully a but of a chuckle that our gift is so ridiculously late as were a bit rubbish. We've been to a birthday and christening since then and sponsored an event the groom did, so hopefully clear that this is not usual for us but an unfortunate oversight. We are in contact enough to know that they are very much together, ha!

OP posts:

DeathpunchDoris · 28/10/2016 20:06

You forgot for 3 years? Really?

Enidblyton1 · 28/10/2016 20:08

Yes, definitely! Something similar happened at our wedding. A friend was going to get us a specific gift and then we suddenly didn't need it anymore so she didn't get us anything. Didn't bother me at all. About 7 years later, she suddenly produced a wedding gift! We were v touched
So 3 years.....that's nothing!!

RedLemonade · 28/10/2016 20:09

For a minute there I forgot you'd posted in AIBU and was wondering about all the . Well, you knew what you were in for!

I think go for it. Give the meal voucher. I know I'd love one no matter how far down the line. And now here are some smiley faces

SeaRabbit · 28/10/2016 20:10

Ignore the sour pusses - I think it is a sign of good friendship if you do this. As others have said it will be a nice surprise for them. Better late than never and all.

ConvincingLiar · 28/10/2016 20:12

I'd give it on an anniversary with an apology.

One of my friends said "I was going to get you a really good present. But then I didn't" and gave us nothing, not even a card. I found it very strange as he's loaded and usually generous. I'd have been happy with nothing (which is what we asked for in the invitations) but the "look at what you could have won" bullseye moment was odd.

Original poster

Diel · 28/10/2016 20:17

Thank you Red!!

OP posts:

squoosh · 28/10/2016 20:21

I've done this OP! I sent my friend a £100 voucher two years after the wedding. It genuinely slipped my mind. She didn't seem too offended by its tardiness. She just laughed and thanked me.

Original poster

Diel · 28/10/2016 20:26

I do think it's easier done than some people realise Squoosh. Silver lining is my gift will be much more generous to make-up for the wait :D

OP posts:

PuppetInParadize · 28/10/2016 20:29

FWIW I had a ?6 month gap between my cousin's wedding and getting the present to her. I felt dreadful about it. No real excuse except almost FT work and 3 children under 5, and it was under the bed for all that time. And I can't blame DH as he doesn't do presents very well anyway!

I got a lovely thank you note and no recriminations - and we were invited to her 2nd wedding a few years ago. I recall at the time being concerned my mum would find out - but my aunts and my cousin said nothing, grand people that they are. In your situation, OP, I'd explain fully, apologise, and sort it out. i hope your friends are as 'big' as my relatives.

Love51 · 28/10/2016 20:38

'I recall at the time being concerned my mum would find out'
I can relate to that!

Badgoushk · 28/10/2016 20:41

Some very close friends of ours forgot to get us a wedding gift but we thought hey ho, didn't think too much about it. Then three years later they remembered and gave us a lovely gift. It was a really nice surprise and we didn't mind at all.

PuppetInParadize · 28/10/2016 20:44

Love51, I know, I know. And the reason I know my mum didn't find out was that she never mentioned it - and I know she'd never have let a slip like that pass. I recall saying to my 2 aunts about it, saying I didn't want Mum to know - they gave this look. I think they knew their big sis as well as I did.

bimbobaggins · 28/10/2016 21:02

I thinks three years down the line is too late to give them anything, as something else said, check they aren't divorced yet.

However I do feel that the groom was rude saying he wondered about gifts as a few other people hadn't brought anything.

Original poster

Diel · 28/10/2016 21:15

I think the groom was genuinely wondering if gifts had gone missing as we would normally give one. We have been to a birthday and christening since then and do keep in contact so sure they are together.

OP posts:

PoppyBirdOnAWire · 28/10/2016 21:16

"BumWad

I think it's really shitty that you 'forgot'.

confused"

I agree. I cannot believe you forgot and that you did not recall- for 3 years - you were a guest at the wedding. That is shameful, frankly. I think it's too late now.

PoppyBirdOnAWire · 28/10/2016 21:16

To OP

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