AIBU - to be upset partner didn't want to sit next to?

[Andrewsgirl]

Partner's birthday yesterday and I'd organised a dinner party, had put so much effort into cooking what he wanted, everything was made home made and I'd spent hours organising and cooking etc to make him feel special. Anyway came to sitting down and people asked where to sit and he said 'sit anywhere just not next to partners' This really hurt me, it was his birthday and not only did I want to sit next him but I wanted him to want to sit next to me for his birthday dinner. it wouldn't have hurt so much if he'd just said 'sit anywhere' but the fact he specifically said not next partners has really hurt me and I feel really sad about it. He thinks I'm being completely unreasonable for to have hurt me and told me I'm
conpletely neurotic.

It is the norm in my experience.

He probably wasn't thinking "i don't want to sit with my DP" but "lets make sure everyone sits separate from their partner to keep the conversation going"

OP unfortunately I think YABU to be upset about that comment given the details provided.

However, it feels like you're really unhappy regardless. Maybe you need to change something?

I don't know much about dinner party etiquette, I'm afraid (I don't want to be responsible for friends being rushed to A&E - my cooking is dire) but I can see the logic of mixing guests up to encourage interaction with pals you might not normally spend as much time with.

I think it might have been better if he had (having known you were putting a lot of work into the dinner) mentioned seating arrangements before you sat down, so at least you would have understood the reasoning. To announce just as you take your seats that "anywhere, just not next to partners" could be misconstrued as humiliating at worst and a bit of a cringe-moment at best.

I bloody well hope he raised a toast to your efforts. Hate guys using the 'neurotic' label every time they get called out on insensitive behaviour. He could have simply explained his reasoning in a sensible and practical manner, which I'm sure OP would have understood and accepted.