To think it's impossible not to cosleep while breastfeeding?

[tootiredtothinkofaclevername]

Has anyone done it? Tell me how - I'm desperate! With DS we had a cosleeper crib attached to the bed. He never went in it. Every time I fed him and transferred him across he woke up and screamed. I put it down to his reflux. I was so sleep deprived because I was constantly worried about smothering him with the duvet. Now I have DD and a similar set up only I've added a sleepyhead to the cot. While she doesn't scream it does wake her up and she just wants to feed again! She's only 4 days old but I just don't want to relive the sleep deprivation.

So tell me - is it possible? What the hell am I getting wrong?

It's given me comfort that there's even this many of you awake at this hour with me. I thought formula fed babies slept deeper but maybe I'm misremembering. Also, DH could do some of the feeds so it's not just me all the time. Do formula fed babies really eat every half hour and cluster feed in the same way? I always assumed they ate on more of s schedule.

I'm not going to give up yet. I make enough milk for England and I'd feel tremendously guilty if I managed to feed one child and not the other.

I'm going to try the idea of expressing and letting DH do the last feed so I get a good few undisturbed hours. I'm about to go order a heat pad off Amazon as well to see if that helps. The sleepyhead is so breathable it seems to feel colder? I don't think I could sleep without a duvet. I'd be freezing even with really thick pjs but could try.

We have a nanny for my son who has been quite critical that I never got my son out of the bed while I was BF him and I feel like I'm failing again. Start as you mean to go on and all that. She's just trying to help but in my sleep deprived state I just feel crap and worried for DD in the bed with us. We don't have any other risk factors unless DH sleeping like an octopus being electrocuted counts. There's flying limbs constantly.

We ebf and used a cosleeping cot, but DS wad probably a week old before we got him in it. We were in hospital 3 nights, and then for the first few nights we had him on a Sleepy head mattress next to me on our bed while my husband slept on a mattress on the floor. (We inherited the Sleepy head had one to hand). We then moved the Sleepy head into his crib. He slept there but initially he did wake up on transfer fairly regularly.

Things we eventually found helped with the transfer were warming the sleepy head with a hot water bottle, swaddling DS and eventually buying a snugglbundl. The snugglbundl is a blanket with handles, if you lie them on it when bf you can pick them up without having to slide your hands under them, which is what was waking my son up.

Every baby is different. My mother had five and imparted some words of wisdom.... You can do the same with all your babies and they all do whatever the hell they want.
I didn't listen soon enough and caused myself much distress.

Baby 1 was a dream baby. Breastfed every four hours and was swaddled and slept in his cot for the intervening period. Sometimes I actually had to wake him up for a feed.

I assumed I was the perfect parent. Baby 2 arrived and I realised I had assumed wrongly. Baby 1 had just happened to be civilised from birth.

Baby 2 , I did the same things, same music, routine, smells, rocking cot, swaddling, singing, patting. No it did not work, this baby did not want to sleep on his own. He only wanted to be on me, preferably naked and attached to breast. As this seriously limited my lifestyle I battled on for four months trying to get him into a routine. But no, this baby knew what he wanted. I did go a bit crazy from sleep deprivation and was constantly green.

I surrended after those four months and co slept until he turned 3.

DS goes in a sleepyhead in a co-sleeping cot now. For the first week or so he cluster fed from about 9pm to 4am, it was horrendous - I ended up trying to sleep at least a couple of hours in the early evening before it kicked off. Gradually though the cluster feeding moved earlier (from 4 or 5pm to 10 or 11pm) and he accepted going down in the sleepyhead between feeds. Tip from the midwife was to put a blanket over

Oops - posted early (one handed phone use while feeding!)
Blanket over him towards the end of the feed so it got warm and smelt of me and put him down on that. We are now using sleeping bags at 6 weeks which have the same effect.
I have to get him to sleep either on the boob or by walking and hang onto him for a good few minutes until he's thoroughly asleep, then I lean sideways and put him down abs lie with my arm under him for a bit before I try to extract it. Oh and I have white noise on so the sound of me shuffling back into the bed doesn't wake him.
I had hoped to feed lying down and just slide him across from the co-sleeper but in haven't mastered that and need to build up loads of pillows to feed so although I'm in bed I'm basically getting up each time anyway.

Ready to be flamed here...

I EBF and continued to BF till DD was nearly 2 and a half. I started a routine early - the day my milk came in, which was when she was five days old. From that point, she only woke once in the night to feed (after dream feed), till she was 8 weeks, then she slept through (after dream feed). So, I never had to co-sleep with her. We had her cotbed pushed up to our bed with the side off and she slept in there up to six months. I don't know if we were just very lucky, but will definitely be starting a routine as soon as milk comes in with DS!

I am ebf our 7 day old. Have to let him fall into a deep sleep post-feed in order to transfer to sleepyhead in the crib.

Really helpful tip about warming a blanket to improve chances of successful transfer. Will start that now.

I loved co-sleeping with my second. Did it for first 12 weeks. DH went to spare room which was better for him anyway as he wasn't getting disturbed sleep.

coughing thanks for sharing your mother's advice re:5 babies each doing whatever they want. It's all to easy to believe the reverse and aportion credit/blame for sleeping/eating habits.

4 days old and someone us already suggested a bottle. No wonder breastfeeding rates are so low.

My dd was ff due to my lactation failure. She fed on demand - an ounce per hour at times. I had to co-sleep with her because she wouldn't settle. The only difference is I or dh had to make up a bottle whilst the other one held her.

It is possible but depending on your baby it can be hard.

I get up and sit on the sofa mumsnetting to feed to make sure I don't fall asleep. But I've got a fairly easy (so far) DC2.

With DD1's constant feeding I removed my pillow and pulled the duvet down to DP and my waists. DP and I each had a cellular blanket for the upper half. I wore a vest rather than loose tops.

With your heavy sleeping DP I'd get a bed guard today, so baby can go between you and the edge of the bed.

You are cosleeping, so do it safely!

I pretty much co-slept with dd1 and was determined not to with dc2 and dc3, so I didn't! With dc2 & 3, I would feed and then always return baby to the Moses basket right next to my bed. I was mainly massively worried about hurting them in the bed or falling asleep feeding. They seemed to settle better after a short time of being consistent with it.

I don't co sleep. Ds

Just noticed you make a lot of milk. Look into block feeding. I had oversupply with DD1 and she settled better and for longer after I started block feeding. I think she was getting too much foremilk so would quickly wake up hungry.

Er sorry trying to post while feeding! I don't co sleep. Ds was in a hammock next to bed the first 5 months and I used to feed him in lounge, hold him until I knew he was asleep and then place him in. Now he's in his own room and I feed him in a poang until I know he's asleep and then pop him down.
I am tired however and fat, partly as I'm still eating crap from tiredness and partly legacy from eating to stay awake through early feeds.
DH drinks every night and I've had seizures in the past so co sleeping not right really for us

Highlandfling if you can't say anything helpful or supportive, go back to sleep.

User i would be very careful of any routine which only has one nightly wake up when they're that young. It obviously worked ok for your first child but generally at that age they reckon milk at least every 3 hours. We had to wake Ds up, was v hard

I've have a co-sleeper cot with a sleepyhead. For the first couple of weeks she mainly only wanted to sleep on me or feed. She did gradually adjust to the sleepyhead just fine. I admit she often ends up sleeping next to me once my husband is out of bed at 5.30 as she likes to snack feed then and I just can't take the in and out, sit up to feed etc. So we both lie on our sides from then. Keep persisting. She's 4 1/2 months now and I'm trying to wean her off the sleepyhead by her having her naps in her big cot without sleepyhead.

I did. On a single mattress on the floor with DS. With pillow I think in leg position to stop me rolling over. Being on the floor was safe. And no drinking or other activities to interfere with co sleeping. I found my "awareness" was there enoughto keep bubs safe and although I was aware of him I got enough sleep to feel better (than marching around the house or across the room in the night) and I could feed easily without all the fuss. But only do it if you think you can do it safely (lots of people will say it's not safe but it helped me l).

User - You say you had the routine but don't say if it was natural or forced? It reads like your baby just chose to sleep that well and you were lucky. Or did I read that wrong? I echo the above poster though; when they're that little they do need to feed at least a few times through the night.

Mine have never had formula and I've never co slept. Just don't like the idea of it at all personally. they were in a cot next to my bed but I would get up and sit in a chair to feed.

I have the same set up as you OP, with s sleepyhead in the co sleeper, and it works really well for us. Apart from a short refluxy period of a couple of weeks early on when I had to have him upright on me after a feed (so slept propped up in bed with him on my chest) he now mostly stays asleep during the transfer to the sleepyhead. I feed lying down, then plop him back in. He isn't light so it's not a delicate manoeuvre either.

In terms of co sleeping, I've done that too with older DD and found that when BFing and as long as you haven't been drinking, you somehow stay aware of them and where they are even when asleep. So baby would stay on my side of the bed, with my arm over and around them when really little, though once they are bigger they just lay next to me. I have duvet round my waist away from baby and wear a pj top in colder weather.

It's definitely possible. First two weeks I was like you, frantically googling co sleeping cots because she just wasn't settling properly. 7 weeks now and wakes 2 or 3 times for a feed and I literally just feed and put straight back down in the Moses basket and she goes back to sleep. DS was the same after the first few weeks. I'd give it a few more weeks if I was you because I think long term people get better sleep when the baby can sleep in a cot, but that's just my experience, I'm sure lots of people get on fine with co sleeping.

Cosleeping safely is fine. We found it easier if DH slept elsewhere in the early weeks. I think if you have a baby that wakes a lot you can end up so sleep deprived that feeding in a chair or sofa is just dangerous. Because combine sleep deprivation and the release of oxytocin and fighting sleep is almost impossible. I just wore a dressing gown and socks to keep warm so no duvet and coslept with all three.

Your baby will feed as it wants to and it is nothing to do with you instilling a routine, or being a better parent. Some babies are delightful and sleep through or at least for long stretches very early, none of mine ever did that. There is different levels of sleep deprivation. So someone having to feed two or even three times a night might feel tired. But that is nothing to how you feel if you're feeding every hour or hour and a half at which point you will feel like you're going mad! Cosleeping saved my sanity it also meant I could actually function the next day which was also important.