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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask your regrets

118 replies

cjt110 · 27/10/2016 16:54

I turn 30 in December and I'm not sure why but it has made me start thinking about my life and what it has turned out like.

We moved around a lot when I was a kid - not just locally but from one end of the country to another, to a completely different town. I studied at a uni in the next city.

My regret is I have no really close friends. The ones you've known all your life. I guess this is partly because we moved around and also, because as my Mum says, you have life stage friends.

I also regret being the follower in most friendships, rather than the equal/leader. I always feel on the outside.

OP posts:
mrstomriddle · 27/10/2016 22:11

I've never said that to anyone

RufusTheSpartacusReindeer · 27/10/2016 22:13

Sorry to hear that mrs

And it wasnt your fault, anything could happen

He may have been there married or not

The80sweregreat · 27/10/2016 22:13

Thats really awful mrstomriddle. Its must be hard for you.
Sending a hug.

mrstomriddle · 27/10/2016 22:17

I also regret buying bright pink trousers when I was 15 with tassels.... (just to lighten the mood I might have created with my previous post!!)

RufusTheSpartacusReindeer · 27/10/2016 22:19
Shock

Tassles

OMG

The80sweregreat · 27/10/2016 22:19

Hair disasters, old 80s photos of me i look awful! Glad fakebook/ selfies were not around then. Who invented perms? Lol

Tomhardysmistress · 27/10/2016 22:26

Really regret messing around with lads during the most important years at high school to the point where I ended up with rubbish GCSE results

Then

I decided to go straight out and get a job at 16 instead of going to college...Only because all my mates were doing that!

I did eventually see sense and go to college at 18/19 but then once I finished college I ended up wasting my time and energy on relationships (shagging around and making a tit of myself) instead of carving out a career.

Finally.. I really wish I could turn the clock back and not had that drunken moment of madness and really hurt my DH.

wobblywonderwoman · 27/10/2016 22:26

Some of these are so sad

Mine are mixed.. I regret moving in my early twenties as I moved for a career but live somewhere I probably wouldn't chose to again. That said I wouldn't have met dh and had dc. So I don't know. It is rural here and have no social life or old school and uni friends - just work colleagues

I also can't handle criticism. That makes me insular and stay away from people - but then I have a lot of peace and no shit really except from DM who can be quite nasty (possibly root of my sensitivity)

I font have any regrets career wise- I am possibly one of the highest earners I know and live I a cheap area so have a stunning house (don't mean to boast but I don't know does this counter the loneliness I feel)

altik · 27/10/2016 22:28

I have no major regrets, I'm happy with my life. But the day wish...

I had gone travelling with that lad I really liked at 18.

DH and I had moved to London post university.

I had put my foot down and done what I had wanted at my wedding. Instead of letting others choose who was at my wedding, assuming who would have what roles etc...

When the sale of our first house had fallen through, we looked more widely at houses.

But actually, I'm happy with my major life choices, so I can't complain too much.

altik · 27/10/2016 22:28

But yes, why did I have that perm in 1991!?!

minifingerz · 27/10/2016 22:29

I regret being lazy as a student. My a-levels were so mediocre (BCD). I've never pushed myself academically. I wish I had.

I wish I'd been an academic. I'd like to teach history or anthropology to undergraduates.

wobblywonderwoman · 27/10/2016 22:29

Don't

NewDay10 · 27/10/2016 22:38

NC. I have two huge regrets. Number 1 I was in my 20s and stayed away from my parental home for nearly 10 years only visiting occasionally because my father was an alcoholic. I missed out on my little brother growing up and dad died. I am sad even though my dad was an alcoholic I didn't go home enough to help my mum and brother and I also missed out on seeing my father. Secondly my aunt (my mum's sister) called me May time to say she wasn't great, not feeling well wasn't like her. I went to visit her. Took her to the GP he said it was mild depression and to try CBT. I knew at the time in my heart it wasn't mild depression and no way that CBT would work. I'm a lay person not a medic but I could see she was more than mildly depressed but I said nothing and went a long with it (i fucking hate myself for this I don't know why I didn't hear her cry for help) I then didn't contact her from then though I told my mum she was poorly. I don't know why I didn't contact her maybe I was afraid of what was really wrong. I was so fucking stupid. In August she was found hanging in her garage. No note nothing. She left her 11 and 14 year old children and husband behind.

mrstomriddle · 27/10/2016 22:40

Newday that is so so sad about your aunty, I'm sorry. But you couldn't have known that was going to happen, she must have been in a deep deep depression. I hope her husband and children are coping. So sad Flowers

Amandahugandkisses · 27/10/2016 22:41

I regret everything. Everything.

Tomhardysmistress · 27/10/2016 22:46

My bestie called me and invited me out for lunch.

We went to a cocktail bar and had a lovely lunch. Looking back, I spent most of the time talking about work stuff and stupid trivial crap. When I went to the ladies, she generously paid the bill and wouldn't accept any money from me.

She gave me an extra huge hug as we were saying goodbye.

I wish I had known that lunch was her way of saying goodbye to me as that was the last time I saw her as she died shortly after. She had terminal cancer that she kept under wraps. She was the loveliest unselfish woman I have ever met. I regret the fact I dominated the conversation with office politics and stupid crap instead of making the most of a lovely lunch with my very best friend.

LastBusHome · 27/10/2016 22:48

I regret not travelling more and experiencing more before finding the one and settling down in a relationship with responsibilities and a 9-5. My life is good but I should have been a bit more wild before reaching this stage.

Dowser · 27/10/2016 22:48

I wish I'd gone into hairdressing instead of teaching.

Then I'd have done beauty and gone and worked on the cruise ships. I know two people who did that.
They've had a fabulous life.

As it is, I've had to pay for my travel.

Onlyonce · 27/10/2016 22:50

Not saying yes to a lovely man who asked me out a long time ago. He's married now. His wife is lovely. I went to their wedding. It was hard. Haven't seen him for a long time now though but he still crosses my mind

ollieplimsoles · 27/10/2016 23:34

I regret not telling my dads ow that I hated her and what she really was.

My dad moved into our beloved childhood home with her after we moved out with my mum to another house. We went back to stay with my dad and she had changed everything. She was also unhinged, and when her and my dad had an explosive argument in the morning (witness by my sister and me) my dad took us out for the day. Only to bring us back periodically to see if she was in the house.

We popped our head round the door and she had her fat arse on MY sofa, in MY house l, watching MY tv.

I wish I had said get the fuck out of my house you cheap tart. But I didn't, my dad liked her.

I'm going to tell my dad the next time I see him.

stokiemum62 · 27/10/2016 23:41

I regret being a doctor. I missed so much of my kids growing up because I was at work on call. They have both left home now and I am left with my 12 hour days and on calls at at 54 I am completely burnt out and exhausted. It wasn't worth it.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 27/10/2016 23:46

I really regret not pursuing the career I'd studied for. I'd have been really, really good at it.

Lapinlapin · 27/10/2016 23:53

Some of these are so sad.

Tom don't regret the lovely lunch you had with your friend. She probably wanted to talk about normal things - idle chitchat. If she'd wanted to talk about her horrible illness I'm sure she would have. You were just being your normal self - and that's what she wanted by the sounds of it. Flowers

Neaders · 28/10/2016 00:09

Getting so fat also..!!! I'm in the process of fixing that now. Cambridge weight plan, its awesome!

Only other regret is not travelling! I built foundations on my career, got married at 27 and started having babies right away.. I really regret not seeing the world. I guess I can do that when the kids grow up and disown us lol!!

Don't define yourself by or dwell on your regrets, no matter what they are. Life is all about the moment. Tomorrow is promised to none of us. Live, laugh, love. WineCakeFlowers

Neaders · 28/10/2016 00:16

tomhardy you made me cry!
What an awesome friend, and amazingly strong woman. She rocks! Don't regret it... she didn't tell you she was ill because she wanted you to be you... she wanted to enjoy your company as she normally would have and if that's having a bitch about work then so be it! You gave her a glimpse of normal life amongst all her doctors visits, chemo, drugs and god knows what else. Be happy that you gave her that normality in amongst all the craziness she was going through xx