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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask your regrets

118 replies

cjt110 · 27/10/2016 16:54

I turn 30 in December and I'm not sure why but it has made me start thinking about my life and what it has turned out like.

We moved around a lot when I was a kid - not just locally but from one end of the country to another, to a completely different town. I studied at a uni in the next city.

My regret is I have no really close friends. The ones you've known all your life. I guess this is partly because we moved around and also, because as my Mum says, you have life stage friends.

I also regret being the follower in most friendships, rather than the equal/leader. I always feel on the outside.

OP posts:
needsahalo · 27/10/2016 20:39

So many....mainly failing to realise that conforming - husband, house, children - wouldn't make me happy. I am now divorced and stuck, unable to pursue the life I want 'cos my children need to come first.

myownprivateidaho · 27/10/2016 20:42

Still you poor thing, not your fault at all and I'm so sorry for your loss. Flowers

And well done to those who have survived abusive relationships -- something to be proud of.

gingerboy1912 · 27/10/2016 20:42

Getting married at 19 to a self-centered mentally abusive man to get out of my mums control. Should of gotten further education like my friends but I didn't have great self esteem to find a way and my parents weren't keen on encouraging me.

^^ this but it was my father's controlling bullying behaviour that I was desperate to get away from.

gingerboy1912 · 27/10/2016 20:44

Oh and I was 21 not 19

Eminybob · 27/10/2016 20:50

Not finishing my a levels

Leaving my home country to run off with an abusive ex who had just come out of prison

Leaving debts behind me after said running off which subsequently caught up with me

Letting myself get fat

Waiting so long before starting a family

Getting trapped in a job that I hate an causes me a great deal of stress and anxiety

Lots more too. To be honest though I have on the whole a lovely life with a lovely DH and DS which wouldn't have happened without the first 3 on the list so I can't really complain.

RufusTheSpartacusReindeer · 27/10/2016 20:52

eminy

Letting myself get fat has to be one of mine

AliceInHinterland · 27/10/2016 20:56

Still you have no reason not to tell anyone about it, you were trying to do the right thing, totally utterly not your fault. Talk to someone you trust.

sortthetacheoutbernard · 27/10/2016 21:00

Still I think you will have enabled your friend to die much more peacefully knowing she was loved and,cared about. Flowers

buckeejit · 27/10/2016 21:10

still - so not your fault in the slightest, please consider talking to a counsellor.

I regret getting fat too - slowly trying to get less fat now! Also regret not getting braces and sorting my teeth when a teenager. The ending of a relationship to someone I loved - how it ended that is - it needed to end.

I think overall I did the best I could at the time and don't have many regrets. Wish certain things had turned out differently - would love more dc but looks like that's not going to happen sadly. About the friends - I moved home to my childhood friends area and mostly don't see much of them. They don't have children so our lives are very different and its difficult to spend time together so I'm closer to 'new' people than my lifelong people - which I do regret but isn't really something I can do much about. I still make an effort with them but its not the same as it ideally would be. And, I'll be 40 next year - 30 is young (also!) You still have time to make lifelong friends and if that's your biggest problem you should feel lucky!

KarmaNoMore · 27/10/2016 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AdmiralCLingus · 27/10/2016 21:25

Letting him go....

I wouldn't have dd if I hadn't but it still hurts

Not leaving dds dad sooner. I wish I'd just walked away when I told him I was pregnant and he turned into an utter wanker. Instead, I've made myself cry because I still love him and I massively regret ever letting my guard down again

AdmiralCLingus · 27/10/2016 21:26

That doesn't make much sense Blush

BeeMyBaby · 27/10/2016 21:29

I'm 30 in December too Grin, most of my regrets are from my teens-

I regret being a disgusting ho and sleeping with anyone who would have me

I regret taking so much ecstasy that I think it has affected my memory even now and my head is all muddled when I speak

I regret covering my arms with scars which are still visible and sometimes repel people

Straight and narrow now however, just wish I hadn't done lasting damage.

Bluepowder · 27/10/2016 21:31

I don't think I have many. Not trying a bit harder at A levels, perhaps. I wish I'd travelled a bit more before settling down, but I plan to travel again when dd is older.

Ivydalegirl · 27/10/2016 21:34

60 now and full of nothing but regrets. wish I could start again and had the chance to be a better daughter, wife and mother. It's awful to regret hurtful ways I behaved to people that have since died and I can't make amends.

Eminybob · 27/10/2016 21:34

Oh I have thought of another really trivial one that wouldn't have made much of an impact on my life now - when I was really young, about 18, I had a really lovely male friend who I fancied the pants off, but when he made a pass at me I rejected him as "I didn't want to ruin the friendship"
I regretted it pretty much straight away and pined after him for ages but the moment had gone and we drifted apart after that. I still look back on it with regret now. Not in a we could have ended up together way as he definitely didn't have long term prospects! But it would have been nice to have seen what had happened.

StarUtopia · 27/10/2016 21:40

Hmm. I regret bitterly not saving more money when I had a fabulous well paid job. I was so frivolous with it. My career ended (long story) and I'm now only working pt in the evenings around my kids for a fraction of what I used to earn. Every day is a struggle. IF ONLY i had put £200-300 a month aside - which I could have done without batting an eyelid.

I wish I had gone into a better (different) career, one which I could have sustained and had family life around..

I regret being older (much) than my DP. But not much I can do about that!

I really really regret being a complete idiot in my 30's..having a panic that I wasn't going to meet 'The One' and basically shagging my way around ....got a really bad reputation that was deserved. Mortifying now looking back.

I regret buying a flat for silly money just before the housing crash - lost £50K on that (all my savings) and now don't own at all. What a waste of 15 years of paying a mortgage. Nothing to show for it! And now can't get back on the ladder.

Loads of regrets..but as someone said, maybe if all that hadn't happened, I wouldn't have met lovely DP and had our lovely children. Everything happens for a reason - right?

KP86 · 27/10/2016 21:43

Vain, but I regret letting myself get fat through laziness and poor eating habits. I am capable of losing weight (and have done already this year), but my body will never be 'nice' and I will always have to work at it.

I envy people who have lots of close friends. That's never really happened for me and I do sometimes feel that I'm really missing out.

user1473509591 · 27/10/2016 21:47

Settling down and having kids so young. Was 17 when we moved in together, pregnant by 19. I'm 25 now and although I love my kids so so much I wish I had put it off for a few years, with all my friends in their mid 20s travelling and buying homes, while I'm working to survive and finally doing a degree. It's true when they say mum knows best. She knew I would regret not getting an education before settling down, but 17 year old me was so desperate to be independent.

I also regret not learning to drive while my grandad was a driving instructor, he's now retired and living 4 hours away. I kick myself now because I would have had free lessons.

Mrskeats · 27/10/2016 21:50

I regret getting married too young and then staying in an unhappy marriage for two long.
I regret another relationship that I had which was abusive.
However I have 2 gorgeous kids from my marriage so that's a silver lining. And I wouldn't have met lovely dp without the experience I've had.

MrsJayy · 27/10/2016 21:55

The amount i used to drink whole events lost embarressing (sp) myself and my family through getting so drunk I couldnt walk shocking behaviour and i deeply regret it.

The80sweregreat · 27/10/2016 22:00

Mrsjayy, glad your sober now. Thats what matters.
I regret loads of stuff. Another getting fat one, no willpower. All my own fault.
Hate my body.
Dont regret the children though!

MrsJayy · 27/10/2016 22:00

God yes starting smoking at 15 wtf was i thinking horrible stupid habit

MrsJayy · 27/10/2016 22:02

I do still drink but i have not been in a state for about 7ish years i finally learned to stop when i have had enough

mrstomriddle · 27/10/2016 22:11

I regret not marrying my soldier when he asked me to. My family didn't approve. He was killed in action in 2009 and I know if I'd married him he wouldn't have been there that day to die.

It breaks me every day that I have gone 7 long years without him. And it was partly my fault.

Name changed for this.