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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want my birthday food gifts to be unopened?

85 replies

WorkingBling · 26/10/2016 22:02

I got some fancy hot chocolate as a birthday gift to go with another food gift. Of course I would share it with the family but aibu to raise an eyebrow when I got home to discover that dh and ds had opened it and tried some today? I didn't freak out or yell or anything but I was a little surprised that at the very least the first mug would include me?

Am I just a selfish cow? Dh thinks so and is basically not talking to me now. Should I be apologising?

OP posts:

WeArePregnant11 · 26/10/2016 23:30

My (muuuch) younger sister often made me feel this way. Like, you get up early before going to uni to make breakfast, come back and make dinner and then she bitches because she has to clean the table??! Or gets mad when you remind her that she really has to make haste or she'll miss the bus. And then she usually accused me of blabbing/being a nag etc. I still remember how upset that made me.

I think you're 100% reasonable!!

MrsHathaway · 26/10/2016 23:33

bumsex - so would I, but only once it was open and in the kitchen cupboard. Not the first helping.

I don't think it's at all precious to want to have the first go of a gift you've been given.

user1477282676 · 26/10/2016 23:33

I can't get worked up about food. Even gifts....it's just food. It always seems greedy to be all grippy about "My chocolate!" when you're an adult.

I do accept that it's not the same for everyone. I would only be annoyed if it were something like makeup and someone helped themselves.

user1477282676 · 26/10/2016 23:34

It is childish to want "the first go" it doesn't change the bloody flavour if someone else has tried it!

Bogeyface · 26/10/2016 23:36

bumsex dont you think though that it is just basic courtesy to ask? I know that H would be fine, as would I as it happens, but I would still ask him if he minded and he would me.

And the fact is, it was hot chocolate. No kid ever suffered for being told "No, you cant have hot chocolate, that is mummy's, perhaps she will let you have some tomorrow" did they? Not touching it was as much about teaching him that some things are special and belong to a certain person, and are not for common use.

TheFlyingFauxPas · 26/10/2016 23:36

I love ❤ "OVER REACT THAT!!!" I shall store that up in my little Mumsnet-derived dictionary. Along with an earlier entry of "soon ago" ( interview-induced panic words). Of course yours will be listed first pp.

Op YANU at all

Original poster

WorkingBling · 26/10/2016 23:37

User - I think that's silly. Either you think people can't nick your gifts, or they can. For you it's make up, for dh it might be dvds and for someone else it's food.

For me, it's anything! But I am selfish that way!

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 26/10/2016 23:39

No the flavour doesnt change, but dammit it isnt yours to take!

What if the OP had wanted to save it for Xmas Eve say? There seems to be a big thing about new PJs and posh hot choc on Xmas Eve, so what if that had been her plan? It was hers after all and so she had the right to decide that.

If I decided to use your new eyeshadow before you, what difference is that? It doesnt change colour because I used it first after all!

Bogeyface · 26/10/2016 23:40

Oh "soon ago" is great! I know exactly what it means, but I have never heard it before, love it!

BikeRunSki · 26/10/2016 23:47

YANBU, that's bang out of order. DH yes no respect for other people's stuff.

alafolie29 · 26/10/2016 23:48

Even when it's opened, you should still be invited to have some! Birthday gifts are not for general consumption!

If I got a box of chocolates for my birthday, I would be really annoyed if my husband took one ten and thought it was ok because I'd opened the box. I save particular ones I especially like and offer him the horrible ones. Because they're mine.

(Well aware I sound like I'm 5 but I don't care. Those are the rules).

Bogeyface · 26/10/2016 23:54

Everyone offers the horrible ones, that how you get away with looking generous whilst being selfish :o

Flyingbellycopters · 27/10/2016 00:04

Buy him bottle wine for his birthday then drink it.

QueenLizIII · 27/10/2016 00:13

When I was a student in my early twenties, I studied and lived at home. I had a job in a big law office (law student) and they gave us posh presents for Christmas.

I got a big bottle of champagne from one partner and a box of handmade belgian chocolates from another.

I went away for a few days over new year and stayed at my then boyfriends place. When I came home, I remembered the chocolates, that had been unopened and deicded to offer them to family with coffee.

Family had not reacted well to me staying away as my mother was a fucking control freak and my sister was jealous that I had a boyfriend and she didnt and so I tried to smooth things over by making coffee and offering my chocolate. I had already used the champagne present on my family at christmas and not taken it to my boyfriends so my family got that too.

Imagine my surprise when I saw that the ribbon looked a bit bashed and so did the tape on the chocolate box. The tape had obviously been removed and replaced as the paper was ripped. I opened it and the whole top layer was gone. I was raging. They tried to tell me it must have been like that. I told them the box was not in that state when it was given to me and I very much doubt a senior partner in a top law firm would have given me an open, half eaten box of chocolates.

YANBU. Greedy pigs.

CheerfulYank · 27/10/2016 00:16

YANBU at all! I'd be pissssssssed. I think it's that, with three kids, there is precious little that is truly MINE anymore. Everything is always "can I have a bite, can I have a sip, can I try, can I play on your phone" etc etc etc. Or else I'll try to have a cup of hot coffee or a plate of warm food and have to break up a fight or clean a diaper and then whatever I was having was stone cold.

Hence, when something actually is mine, IT. IS. FUCKING. MINE. Back off, vultures!

Peanutandphoenix · 27/10/2016 00:16

What a shitty insensitive thing to do he is a total arse and now he's sulking because he knows he's in the wrong. for you only op don't share with no one else.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 27/10/2016 00:20

The extremely childish, passive aggressive arsehole in me would wait until Christmas, watch him open his presents, hopefully one of them being aftershave. Then later on open the aftershave and wear it liberally. Like I said, arsehole.

Bogeyface · 27/10/2016 00:30

Hence, when something actually is mine, IT. IS. FUCKING. MINE. Back off, vultures!

This. Just this, from start to finish.

Bogeyface · 27/10/2016 00:36

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2725450-AIBU-to-consider-killing-DH

Where does sharing end and thieving begin?

YouHadMeAtCake · 27/10/2016 00:40

I'm amazed by the amount of husbands and children that help themselves to others food gifts on MN. YANBU they're rude!

QueenLizIII · 27/10/2016 00:43

I'd quite frankly tuck in to the childs chocolate at christmas and anything my DH was given.

Topseyt · 27/10/2016 00:55

That was utterly disrespectful of your DH, and it sounds like he knows it.

Bogeyface, I remember having a similar discussion with my DD1 when she was 14. I was annoyed that she hadn't done her washing up (after baking ) before going over to a friend's house, so I made her come home then and there specifically to do it. She thought I was an awful one hag.

She is 21 now though and looks back on it saying that she got what she richly deserved that day. She is a final year uni student now and gets very marked when her house mates leave dirty washing up in the sink for any length of time.

Topseyt · 27/10/2016 00:56

old hag. Stupid auto-correct.

Topseyt · 27/10/2016 00:58

narked with her housemates.

Bogeyface · 27/10/2016 01:08

Funny you should say that Topsey because we were discussing her starting at Uni in March (NHS course so staggered start dates), and I said that she needed to get used to others not cleaning up after themselves and to make sure she didnt do it for them! 95% of the time she is great, really. The other 5%.....not so much :o

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