To want my birthday food gifts to be unopened?

[WorkingBling]

I got some fancy hot chocolate as a birthday gift to go with another food gift. Of course I would share it with the family but aibu to raise an eyebrow when I got home to discover that dh and ds had opened it and tried some today? I didn't freak out or yell or anything but I was a little surprised that at the very least the first mug would include me?

Am I just a selfish cow? Dh thinks so and is basically not talking to me now. Should I be apologising?

There IS, bollocks.

You are absolutely NBU. I asked my DH and he agrees. In fact, his exact words were 'He did what?!'.

so bad. Not his gift - yours to share, should you feel so inclined!

Very rude. And it really pisses me off when someone justifies something by saying 'Well, I wouldn't mind it'. It's just a pissy way of trying to deflect their guilt by trying to make you sound selfish.

Chances are they would mind if it was something important to them. My DH wouldn't care if I sampled some hot chocolate he received but he would be most unhappy if I cracked open his bottle of birthday Scotch and tossed back a few!

Rude!!!!

The only exception is something like... It's DS's "candy day" (we used to have those) and "we didn't have any other candy. So, I'm super sorry but I opened this..."

But then one explains this. Saying you are unreasonable and selfish??! Sure, he may think this is ok, but how would he feel if you smoked the cigars/drank the whisky or ate... whatever he had gotten as a present? Would that genuinely be fine in his opinion?

Well, the least he could do is to acknowledge that you aren't ok with this behavior and tell you that he respects how you feel and won't do it again.

YANBU
How presumptuous!

YANBU.
he is massively, and I agree with pp, he is sulking because he is in the wrong.
The very next thing he gets as a present you should use first. Read the book, open the cd, squirt the aftershave, anything, and prove the point.

wearepregnant that's pretty much what has now happened. He says he doesn't understand but accepts it's how I feel and has apologised. (Well, sort of). I will take that as at least it's unlikely to happen again.

I do feel a bit silly about it all. But honestly, I was a bit surprised and felt it was a little inconsiderate to open my gift. Strangely, most of you agreeing with me has made me feel more upset!

It's fine. It's not like it's a big deal or like I won't be able to enjoy some!

Finn I used exactly some of those examples - but he didn't want to discuss it further! I think he knows he was being unfair!

I suspect that he knows he is in the wrong and is doing that fucking annoying thing of trying to deflect it back on you. To me that is worse than opening it in the first place. "Sorry, DS wanted hot choc and I just didnt think, I will get you some more" would go a long way to making it up. But getting stroppy about it and trying to blame you is not on and I would be telling him that.

Unless of course he would like a new house rule where anything either of you get, the other one has carte blanche to have a go at regardless of whether it is hot chocolate, a laptop or a new car!

Next time he gets a gift, make a massive song and dance pretending that DS wants some but say he can't, it's daddy's, only daddy can open it. He was being a twat to you because he knew fine well that he was in the wrong.

Of course he doesnt want to discuss it further, he knows he is in the wrong and you can fucking prove it!

It was rude of him and ruder still to suggest you were unreasonable. In our house birthday treats are usually shared (or at least offered) but not necessarily in equal quantities and birthday person has first taste.

"Sorry, DS wanted hot choc and I just didnt think, I will get you some more"

exactly bogey

Or even "DS wanted chocolate. I thought this would be alright... Sorry".

Deflecting and trying to blame you, that would make me furious. I can't stand people doing that. I absolutely agree with bogey

wearepregnant I think you are me! That's exactly what I felt. A simple, "shit, I thought it would be fine because ds was dead keen to try it" would have sufficed.

It's fine now though. He might not get it, but he has said sorry and accepted how I feel.

Weare it is more fucking annoying than the original crime isnt it?! I am so glad that it isnt just me that thinks that!

I feel that in my house I am the only person that gets these things. DD and I had words the other day. She is 19 and should now better, and she was being an arse about not putting her dirty pots in the dishwasher. She kept saying "You are just having a go at me about a cup!" NO I WASNT!! I was having a go about her general disrespect of me and this house, but she kept turning it around to me over reacting.

So I made her walk to work. Fucking over react THAT! :o

WorkingBling well, great minds think alike

I'm happy it was resolved.

And yes, I know how to spell "know" , and that my last sentence made no grammatial sense whatsoever :o

grammatical

bogey exactly!! What's so hard about saying "sorry"? About saying that you didn't know? Or did know it wasn't 100% alright but still did it because I usually don't seem to mind or whatever?!!

they simply don't understand our brilliance... And therefore have to walk to work. (Or sleep in the guest room)

It's (in my case) the feeling of being acknowledged, that they don't behave like I'm being totally crazy... something several people I know tend to do sometimes.

I hope my LO will understand. But maybe not. I'll hopefully remember your comment and make him/her walk to work...

Grammatial. That's brilliant. I imagine grammar as a very ponce old uncle kicking around in his Edwardian mansion!!

Ooo that's naughty. I'd be really annoyed if DH did that with any present of mine as well!
I'm like you as I would of course let him have some, but it's definitely off to open someone else's present and start scoffing it without even asking them!
You know the only thing for it is to see if he gets any nice chocolates or beer for Christmas and crack it open for yourself, right?!
After all, he said he wouldn't be annoyed if you did it to him. I'd certainly be putting that one to the test and see if he likes it!

;)

I imagine grammar as my grumpy and mean English teacher, strutting around in the halls of learning (or whatever). Oh well, he was a good teacher. Not speaking English probably would have prevented me from meeting my spouse.

So, thank you, English grammar ponce ;)

Uncle Grammatial was not happy when I did use the words "OVER REACT THAT!!!!" to DD :o I could see that she was weighing up whether to say anything but decided that, unless she was happy to sleep in the shed, she should shut the fuck up.

I wouldnt have minded quite so much, but her new job was 6 weeks from start date to pay day. It is not anywhere near public transport, so I either paid for taxis or gave her lifts, its what you do right?! Its cost me a fucking fortune and I wont be asking for it back because she is saving for Uni in March. And then to have her acting like I am some selfish bitch really fucking hurt. I love her, I really do but honestly, what a cow!

Funnily enough, she has made a point of clearing up after herself since.

YABU imo. If one of my kids wanted a hot chocolate I would be happy for my dh to assume I'd be fine with it and for hi to have one too. Equally I would happily pinch some of dh's and he wouldn't mind either. Not like they drunk it all. I'm surprised by the responses on here tbh!