To not want my stepdad to write a book about my son?

[NoCapes]

Weird one

My Mum recently told me that my Stepdad is writing a book, so the next time I saw him naturally I asked him what kind of book it was/what it was about
He told me it was about a little boy called and magical adventures he goes on through play basically
Then as he goes on it transpires that he's using real life situations/stories/things that have actually happened, in the book - some things that my Stepdad wasn't even there when they happened and only knows about them because I or ExP have told him about

Now I feel really wierd about this, I kind of feel like it's a bit of an invasion of privacy; they are our family stories and memories and I don't want them in a bloody book
I'm not on social media and I don't like when others put things about my kids on social media, so I'm not sure why he thinks writing a book about them would be appropriate
Surely if anyone was going to write a book about a child it should be the parents? Or he should've got our permission or something?
Also, I've got 3 children, and my brother has children, yet this book is solely about Ds1 - I find that a bit weird too

I don't know if I'm being weird and precious (I'm sure you'll all tell me ) and I know realistically only a handful of people are probably going to read this book but still, the whole thing just feels...weird to me, I just don't like it or really want it to happen
AIBU?

User I'm not sure how me asking him not to edit out my other DC from his stories has made you think I'm not a writer or a book lover

My ex in laws started a company featuring the name of our dd2. Think like "Peter Pans" for a cookery company. Obviously not the real name.

I was fuming! I felt like they'd "stolen" the name.

It's really inappropriate and disrespectful of boundaries. He should have asked you and respected your answer. It has nothing to do with the possibility of the book becoming well-known. It's about him disrespecting the privacy of your family life. I would tell him, once, that he should stop any further thoughts of writing/publishing this. If he ignored this, I would go no contact. Permanently. Does he have other difficulties with boundaries?

I'm not sure why this is such a big thing for you. Look at the Little House books-they were edited people in/out etc, and I suspect some of the stories were ones that had been told to Laura as have happened rather than her direct memory.

Dm wrote a book once and sent off to a publisher. She was the original inventor of the lift the flap books! But the publisher didn't like that concept as they said it would be too easily damaged.
The book she wrote had db in by name and neither me or dsis-nothing to do with favouritism so much as simplifying the story so young ones could follow it.

I write short books (never published, but for dc to read/my own enjoyment) and you do use things that have happened, things that you've been told happened. It's normal.

Problem if you say "all the other grandchildren have to have a supporting role". How many? Because lets say there's 3 others. That's 3 characters who either will be no character at all or the book gets over complicated. I find it much easier to have 1-2 children and you can really develop their characters. More than that and it's hard not to have the famous five type stereotypes to make them different.
Let's say he decides to put one in, which might work-but then the others would feel much more left out.

You're talking about favouritism, but I wonder if it's more complicated than that from your latest update. Maybe he feels it's extra important to write down the nice memories from the ill ones. Or that he's a little miracle he never thought he'd get to see him at this age.

Do you think he's chosen DS as a subject to celebrate him and those happy memories you worked to create? Because he had such a difficult time? Isn't that quite celebratory of you and of DS?

How are you portrayed btw? Are you a character, or just a presence behind the scenes?

I think you should ask him to tell you about the book, in his own words, and listen carefully, before arriving at any conclusion.

You're talking about favouritism, but I wonder if it's more complicated than that from your latest update. Maybe he feels it's extra important to write down the nice memories from the ill ones. Or that he's a little miracle he never thought he'd get to see him at this age.

I'd never thought of it like that at all
You kind of feel like when you're children are poorly that it's only you that goes through all the feelings that go with it, but yes maybe he does see things like that too
I feel a bit bad now

lottie I think I'm portrayed as kind of a 'pair of legs' as it were
I'm very much just in the kitchen doing 'Mum' things while DS is off having adventures
He mentioned choosing a certain way to end each adventure though, maybe me calling him in for tea or something like that

I didn't want to ask too many questions, I know writing is a very personal private thing, especially in the beginning when you haven't got all the details figured out yet

I am a published children's writer, I write under my own name and twice I have used my own children as characters. An idea always starts out from real life situations and the children will read snatches of real-life conversations and events that actually happened and shout, "I remember that," but the end product is ALWAYS very much a work of fiction, especially as there is a fantasy element. As for the favouritism thing, it might not be as bad as you think. The book I wrote about my eldest, they had a made up older sibling and the youngest didn't exist. The story just worked better that way. The younger one had a book written about them that also featured a made-up older sibling. What really upset eldest is that the publisher didn't want to use her real name! She was devastated! I had to get the original manuscript printed and bound for her so she had proof the book was about her! :D Bless. Honestly, don't worry about it too much until you have read it. Then would be the time to raise any concerns but I hope you would be pleasantly surprised.

My friend's sister is a published author - a reasonably successful one. If you like chick lit, there's a fair chance you'll have heard of her.

In her first book, the main character's sister was clearly based on my friend (ie the author's own sister). Names were changed, but lots of real things that had actually happened were in the book (eg conversations my friend had had with her sister, presents she had given her etc).

My friend was not best pleased! Especially the bits in which she came across in a negative light!! But when she mentioned it to her sister, she just claimed that 'the character was a combination of many different people partly drawn from real life' which is how I guess all authors do get their inspiration.

I'd find it weird too OP. Not sure there's much you can do about it though.

Many authors base their stories on real life occurrences.

However, I would feel miffed that he is using your experiences without discussing it with you first, and especially that he is using your son's name as the main character.

If, for any reason, this book becomes highly popular, your son will become the star of stories loosely based around his life, which may or may not be 100 % true. He (and you) may not welcome this intrusion into his life and
privacy.

Also, I think that unless stepdad was involved in the stories, they aren't his to tell, without your permission. He can certainly write a book about a fictional character, with fictional activities (maybe loosely based on truth), bit not specifically about your son with his name as the main character.

To clarify, I meant ethical 'rights' not legal ones.

I'm aware that people can legally skirt very close to the line on just taking other people's experiences pretty much wholesale.

But ethics of a situation are very different.

Also, I think that unless stepdad was involved in the stories, they aren't his to tell, without your permission. He can certainly write a book about a fictional character, with fictional activities (maybe loosely based on truth), bit not specifically about your son with his name as the main character

He can do as he likes, and tell whatever stories he wants. He can write a book specifically about about OP's son if he likes, detailing every single thing about him if he wants to.

How do people imagine they can stop anyone writing what they like?

"How do people imagine they can stop anyone writing what they like?"

Perhaps they hope that the author will be nice and ethical enough to tread carefully around taking other people's lives, names and experiences? Especially when that 'author' is a family member and might be expected care about the people involved?

Why the incredulity? Are authors exempt from good behavior?

I don't think it's too much to ask for a writer to think twice before pillaging precious family experiences for 'inspiration' when he's creating a child protagonist drawn straight from life without even asking, and deleting other family members out of these tales that in real life are part of family bonding.

But maybe the OP and family must suck it up because authors are so special that it doesn't matter who they hurt at long as they (self) publish?

Sure they can hope. But clearly I'm responding to the people saying "he can't do it, he won't be able to publish that, you can stop it" posters. He can and she can't.

If he's using the actual name and clear identifying details, it would be reasonable to ask him nicely not to do so - say that you are concerned that, if the book is a success then DS might get teased and his loving grandad surely wouldn't want that.
Otherwise, back off. Suck it up. No one is entitled to tell a writer of fiction what to write.

I think it's quite sweet op.

My dad did this for all of my children and now writing for his grandchildren all family stories and all involving the kids personalities and funny stories.

Of course they won't be published but it keeps him busy and my grown up kids love the stories.

All very well to discuss "authors" or "writers" and the ins and outs of constructing characters "inspired by" real people... but someone self publishing this kind of thing is not a writer in any real sense. So that discussion is irrelevant.

I'd find it less creepy if it was an actual relative, maybe, but a step relative? I'd have no compunction in asking them why they're writing about this and what they hope to achieve and why they think it isn't odd. Because it is. But his rationale would be interesting and maybe questioning him would give him pause for thought. It is inappropriate. If my stepmother wrote twee shite about my kids I'd want some answers. It's not over-reacting to find this creepy. If t makes OP uncomfortable, she has every right to voice that.

Totally don't get why anyone appropriates anyone else's stories for their own or why people fantasise about writing. You do it to make money or you don't do it. You're not an "author" because you have self published a bad novel. If people aren't asking you to write and paying you, sorry mate, but you're not a writer. It's just egotistical nonsense.

Being a step relative there's probably an underlying psychological need to belong and write yourself into someone else's family history. That's what this appears to be. I'd knock the whole idea soundly on the head if I was OP by relentlessly questioning it til he gives up.

There are a lot of user1471434605 on this thread, and not sure if it's the same person or lots of different ones (horrid OP!), but to me, user1471434605 you sound like quite a cunt if you don't think the memory (and the story) belongs with the family

You are mixing your "userxxx#"'s up. Also you fail to grasp the issue of legality and what people can actually do, not what they probably should do.
And I've reported your post as well.

Joffrey why are you so focused on the step thing? What is inappropriate and creepy about it, in a way that it wouldn't be if it was a 'real' relative?

The stepfather has obviously known the little boy all of the little boy's life. Are you trying to imply there is something sinister in his actions? That is massively, massively out of order if so. There was been zero to suggest that.

Has** FFS

I don't get why a step relative would be so focused on a child they're not related to. Writing is intense and time consuming - I'd take the fact his writing was focused on the child to be rather... worrying. Maybe he could dispel those concerns, if questioned. But I'd want to know where he was coming from with this, for sure.

As I said, I grew up in a step-family and it is unimaginable, to me, that my stepmother (who was also a prolific, unsuccessful, self styled 'Author') would do this. Members of her own family, let alone mine, would have been creeped out if she had. I know the sheer amount of time she spent writing and thinking about writing.

And as I said, if I was OP I would be actively asking him questions to drill down on why he is doing it and what he thinks he can get from it. And, as I thought I made clear above, Salem, it's no coincidence he's a step relative, as he does seem to be literally writing himself into the child's life. So I'd be asking that question as well - why does he feel the need?

If it was the child's real grandparent, I'd be less squicked out by it as naturally, grandparents do seem to obsess about their grandkids. I don't get why a step grandparent would put themselves quite there even if he'd been in the child's life from before it was born.

I don't get why a step relative would be so focused on a child they're not related to

They could have been in their lives all of their lives.

Do you really think people should only focus on people they are related to?

IMissGrannyW let me break my post down for you again as you clearly didn't get it/read it properly. The OP's stepfather is writing a work of fiction with fantasy elements, as such, it will bear no relation to the real life events that inspired it, so she may not find it as upsetting as she fears. I may have written about both my children but I didn't do it at the same time, however, they didn't get upset. This might also be the case within OP's family. Who knows? And no, memories and stories don't 'belong' with a family, they are not property. Every word uttered from your mouth does not come with a copyright. I fear this may go completly over your head though, considering how you choose to communicate.

Piglet that's a bit literal. I didn't say or imply that people "should only focus on people they are related to". But then I think you probably know that.