Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask exh for contribution for braces

53 replies

StrongerThanIThought76 · 26/10/2016 11:06

Ds needs braces. NHS approved treatment so not just for cosmetic purposes. NHS waiting time (as not priority) is upwards of 2 years from initial consultation to first having braces fitted so could be 4 years plus before he is done.

Private costs are £2500ish. Exh has never contributed a penny over the CSA rate, I've struggled to provide for the kids and have juggled finances to accommodate most expenses but this is beyond my budget.

Should I (or how could i) ask the ex for some help with this?

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 26/10/2016 11:09

can't you just ask him instead of posting this? Confused

Pickled0nions · 26/10/2016 11:13

I would go with the NHS.
I currently pay privately for braces as I'm over 18 and it has cost me £3200 and whilst it is all worth it, the orthodontist I see does NHS anyway so I'm not getting anyone with a better skill and I certainly didn't get to jump waiting times, I still had to go have teeth out wait, have molds done and wait for my first fitting appointment.

Yes it wasn't 2-4 years but if I could go back in time I would have done it via the NHS. Don't waste your money.

helpimitchy · 26/10/2016 11:13

You can ask, but he probably won't cough up

Snowflakes1122 · 26/10/2016 11:16

Is there an interest free payment plan at your dentists?

I would say he should go halves, but it depends how generous/tight he is regarding your ds.

harderandharder2breathe · 26/10/2016 11:27

You can ask but from what you posted I can't imagine him saying yes. Especially since it isn't 100% necessary to go private

c3pu · 26/10/2016 11:37

It's not unreasonable to ask, but he will no doubt feel it's not unreasonable to refuse, since there's an NHS option available.

Also since he already pays maintenance the "official" stance on the matter is that the maintenance is contribution enough.

myfavouritecolourispurple · 26/10/2016 11:38

My ds needs a brace, we have waited and he is fortunately having it done on the NHS. There are better things to spend £2500-3000 on.

You are lucky if you qualify for NHS treatment, a lot of people do not. You may find that the treatment is much quicker than you think as well - when my ds was approved we were told it would be 3-6 months but it will only be 2 when he goes, and we were actually offered an earlier appointment.

The only advantage to us of paying ourselves would be that ds would get better appointment times. NHS patients get school-time appointments. However, ds's school has a continental-style day so we can usually get an appointment at the end of the day without him having to miss a lesson.

MsVestibule · 26/10/2016 11:52

How old is your DS now?

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 26/10/2016 12:06

I wouldn't contribute half towards my child having private orthodontic treatment when nhs was available. Why do you think your ex should /would?

Original poster
StrongerThanIThought76 · 26/10/2016 12:17

Ds is 13. NHS route will see him (with realistic timings as per the orthodontist yesterday) not being finished with treatment until almost 18 years old. 2+ years on waiting list then up to 2 years in braces. Right through gcse studies and into a-levels or college. Prime time for body image/girls stuff too.

Ex has bad teeth. Really bad. He refused to wear braces as a kid and it was always one of his biggest regrets. Apart from marrying me, obvs.

He never has paid for anything for the kids outside of the time he's seen them, which has been 5 times in the last 2 years. It would be the first extra I've ever asked for, and IMHO far more important

OP posts:
FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 26/10/2016 12:21

You wouldn't be unreasonable to ask but I doubt he'd agree. Both because he doesn't want to pay anymore and also because the NHS treatment is available.

AllotmentyPlenty · 26/10/2016 12:21

I don't think anyone thinks he shouldn't pay - more for his kids in general, a share of this. I think they are just trying to be realistic about how he might react.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 26/10/2016 12:21

If he's never paid for anything so far he's unlikely to start now.

I'd just wait for the nhs treatment personally, I'm feeling very relieved we only had to wait 3 months for treatment though, I had no idea the wait was so long in certain areas!!

lucyandpoppy123 · 26/10/2016 12:22

I can see a bit why you want to have it done privately (although it's not like having braces will affect his GCSEs and it's probably best to hold the women off until later anyway, at least he would be done by Uni and possibly even earlier as wait times are only a guide) all you can do is ask! So ask him then get back to us with the answer

Rattusn · 26/10/2016 12:24

You can ask, but he wouldn't be unreasonable to say that he wanted to wait for nhs treatment. If you go ahead with private treatment, without his consent, then yes you should pay.

hotdiggedy · 26/10/2016 12:48

Why is there such a big wait time? Does it depend where you are in the country? I don't think we had much of a wait at all, maybe a few weeks.

Original poster
StrongerThanIThought76 · 26/10/2016 13:20

Both Orthodontist and his assistant confirmed a 2 year plus wait time on the NHS to begin treatment, uncertainty re funding each financial year etc, and had a huge pamphlet about it.

Have sent a text with the basic info - pros and cons of each, even suggesting that £6 per week for 2 years between us is a small price to pay. As I said, he's never paid for anything other than through CSA (which I know some resident parents struggle to get), and it's not like he has the expense of seeing the kids more than a couple times a year.

I have very low expectations. Maybe I should have started the thread "2 year Nhs wait for free braces or £2500 private, wwyd?"

OP posts:
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 26/10/2016 13:23

£24 a month is pretty cheap for braces or did you mean £48?

grannytomine · 26/10/2016 13:30

I had braces at 15, it was no big deal. I still had them when I got married at 17 and when my first child was born when I was 18. Got rid of them shortly after the baby was born. I think one positive thing about braces at 15 to 17 rather than 13 to 15 is hygiene. Keeping teeth clean with braces isn't always easy, I have heard many kids having a telling off at hospital appointments and leaving in tears. I think being slightly older makes that easier and no point ending up with straight rotten teeth.

grannytomine · 26/10/2016 13:32

My daughter had her braces removed the week before she started uni. It felt like a wonderful start to her new independent life. I do understand the uncertainty about funding though, we went through that.

grannytomine · 26/10/2016 13:34

Just thinking about the maths, £2,500 paid over 2 years has got to be roughtly £100 a month, where does the £6 come from?

oleoleoleole · 26/10/2016 13:35

This happened to us, I rang and said I was willing to travel out of area to a shorter list and luckily they allowed it. Son got braces on in time for all treatment to be free.

I did t ask ex-H as he wouldn't part with the steam off his piss never mind cash!!

CremeBrulee · 26/10/2016 13:42

Can you seek confirmation of wait time from another local orthodontist? As other posters have said we have not waited at all for DD13s treatment and 2 years seem excessive. To be honest, the cynic in me wonders if this is a money making x gene for the orthodontist practice as they are managing their own wait list.

ConkerTriumphant · 26/10/2016 13:50

Just thinking about the maths, £2,500 paid over 2 years has got to be roughtly £100 a month, where does the £6 come from?

No, £2,500 over roughly 100 months (2 years) is £25 a month - hence the £6 per week.

UsernameHistory · 26/10/2016 13:51

I don't have an ex but I think that both they and I would be against using that much money when there's a free alternative. We earn a reasonable amount and do have private health (not dental) care but that's a shit-ton of money that could be put to better uses.