.../naive/stupid/ridiculous/tiresomely 'female' about this??

[NappiesGalore]

stepDS age 7 is here for w/end. hes not v happy at the mo and needs some tlc. emotionally speaking like.

anyway; he really really wants me (and dp has said i would, grr) to help him build/paint some little character model thingys which are part of a game. called warhammer. its a fantasy futeristic game but its really all about war.

i am a pacifist. i hate war (i know i know, dont we all) i hate violence and i honestly believe that little children growing up playing war games like its nothing and normal is one of the reasons adults think war is a reasonable way to deal with things... and i dont want any part of allowing/assisting any child to 'play' at war... harmless as it seems to everyone else on the planet apparently...

SO. am i being a daft old lentil weaver about this, or should i stick to my guns (haha! see wht i did there??)

over to you. lot.

oh dear, NappiesGalore, I have to take issue with your comment ' i certainly will not be taking him to a war games exhibition but you know, thanks for the suggestion. lol.'

Would you be so affronted if you had a 7 year old barbie mad dd who wanted to go to barbie show? Would you assume she would copy the more tarty elements of barbieness in her adult life by being exposed to babies at an impressionable age? (Assuming, for instance you had strong reasons against reinforcing female sterotypes)?. Or would you steer a Harry Potter mad child away from the books, films and toys because of a possible link with black magic? (Assuming you had fundamental christian beliefs)?

I agree with soapbox's point that mothers, because they just don't 'get' their son's interests, can dismiss them out of hand. It would be so much easier for me if I had daughters as I love dolls and fashion. I still have my dollshouse in the loft but sadly no child to give it to! I have to work harder at understanding my sons' interests but just because they are not my interests does not make them any less valid IMO.

You have a stepson who may have an interest in wargames - if he does, then will you only be a grudging supporter of this?

Wargames IMO can be just a form of role play. The emphaisis is very much on games not the glorification of war or violence.

How many times do you hear of rival gangs of wargames thugs roaming the streets and fighting!

Nappies galore you really must go to a war games exhibition or similar it will completely reassure you that 99.9% of people who play these games are not the sort of (mainly) men who would ever want to join up.........they are a unique breed..........

have to say... am enjoying this thread... been a while since i used any grey matter (or noticed anyway) am hardly winning any nobel prizes, but every little helps eh?

thank you buffysmum and lowfatmilkshake for your suggestions... hmmm, metal ones i can do over and over, eh? gahhhhh cant see him painting plant pots either (i tried that line earlier, was dismissed!lol)

pointy - why, thank you

cheers franca

cod

showofhands - nice post, thanks. esp the bit about the hippy and ballet dancer playing paintball. - actually have to admit, am thouroughly inconsistent on this as i have played and enjoyed that lazer thing before !! -

mytwopence -

tigermoth - the comment you didnt like was meant to be lighthearted as it goes , but since you ask, no; i wouldnt be pandering to any of that nasty candy pink boring vacant barbie claptrap either! not coz i think it will make her (my fictional daughter that is) into a bimbo, or anorexic, or over sexed (is ther such a thing?) but b/c it is BORING crap!! and i would push other much more interesting crap on her instead. like witchcraft and what to say to fundamental christians when they get in your face with their preaching of total bollocks! hehehe

i see what youre saying about not getting his interests - but tis not really the case. this is the first ive ever even heard of this game and no doubt this 'interest' will pass as quickly as every other (apart from football that is, which i wholeheartedly support and even let him use MY season ticket to the Arsenal) i am not some twirly pink fairy woman who just doesnt 'get' or even much like boys... so not really a worry here. but i see what youre saying...

ANYWAY - am off to go and help finish up the last of the little creatures and paint a landscape after taking all 4 of them to a soft play place and then will be putting the younger 3 to bed. im a feckin' hero, me

Oh I do get a bit impatient about this tbh. I played and played and played with Barbies as a child. I had two, a blonde and a brunette as different colours suited them (I was under five at the time) and loved their clothes so much. I have really vivid memories of some of them, like a turquoise strapless velvet evening dress with velvet and fur bolero, pearl earrings, high mules and evening bag! My grandma used to take me to East Ham market to buy outfits. I'm a blooming feminist with no eating disorders (except greed).
My ds is fascinated by beheadings, but he's a very gentle, chubby, babyish five year old. I do sort of empathise, I find this sort of boyish activity very, very dull and ugly, but they aren't going to become terrorists because of it.

buffysmum - i have not led a sheltered life. i have met many many different sorts of people, including geeks. am sure theyre a lovely bunch of people, i really am. but the thought of spending all day in a big hall with loads of grown up little boys playing incredibly complex games with little plastic men.... snnnnnoooooore...

no aloha, i agre with that. i know that. i really do. i just find barbie stuff boring as hell - as i did as a child too -and the same goes for the war/killing thing too, on the whole... with a nagging underlying feeling that all of humanity endorsing war/killing games in childhood is partly to blame for war in real life.

but, dont worry - this thread has helped me to explore some of that and you may consider my knickers untwisted, m'kay?

give the characters new insulting names!!!

We never refer to Barbie in our house but Mutant!!!! She is a mutant doll as no normal women look that bad!!! we find that playing with a Mutant is not so appealing.

Boring what on earth gives you that impression............................it's amazing how that glazed over look can occur in 3 seconds flat.....................did you ever watch Red Dwarf with Rimmer recounting his risk games dice roll by dice roll - those people do really exist..........many of them.................

Run not for humanitarian peace but for your sanity.............................

Aloha, I know what you mean barbies game years of pure joy

gave me

I would have absolutely hated it if my mother had tried to put me off my Barbies. I think you have to allow children to enjoy their own things. It is very, very hard if you feel your parents disapprove of what you love. I know this sounds very heavy and serious, but I believe it makes you feel shame about the things you like, and - by extension - yourself. For example, my parents strongly disapproved of pop music, but not in a joky way. I felt ashamed of wanting to watch Top of The Pops etc. I think it's fine to say, hmmm...not my thing, but if you like it, fine, but not fine to mock and denigrate your child's interest IMO. Anyway, my Barbie wasn't a mutant to me, she was my doll and I loved to play with her.

Hard hats on! Over the top, boys! We're behind you, naaapppiieess!!

What is warhammer?

How do I play that?

Warhammer is awful PD, you really want to know as little as poss about it.

Shop is awful, staffed by complete social misfits with ponytails, who leap on you in a mad sort of zealous way when you go in (not that I do). Full of males arguing round a table about orcs, and goblins, in a really intense and serious manner. Avoid at all costs IMO.

those'social misfits' are all police checked btw. I have found them very helpful and laid back.

Are they really police checked? They are helpful I know, but in a sort of desperate over keen way.

So no different to dungeons and dragons then?

Social misfits are ok. I like them.

They sound sort of similar to assistants I have had to speak to in guitar shops.

I think it's good these men have sound hobbies like this.

They are over keen to help women as they hope you are going to spend huge amounts on your youngish son..........learn enough to talk about something with them under the new rules for xyz and they get very startled and leave you alone.

oh buffy I am disappointed.

I thought they were keen to help me because it was an opportunity to interact with a woman. Full stop.

I have been told they are police checked by a colleague whose dh is very into wargames and helps organise wargames events. All the people runnnig the wargames tables at events are also police checked apparently. Not that this is foolproof, but the activity organisers realise that there is bound to be interaction between adult and child enthusiasts so take precautions.

NappiesGalore, sorry if I came over as a bit snappy in my last long post. I didn't mean to. I also do see that your stepson may not be really that 'into' warhammer so it's an academic point.

I agree with Aloha, though, that it's not a good idea to openly joke about and undermine your child's chosen interests. IMO they are using play to find their identity. It is where they express themselves away from adult expectations. It is the antidote to school. So for all those reasons it's a risky business for a parent to lead a child towards or away from a certain type of toy IMO.

fwiw -Aloha and tigermoth; point taken. i actually happen to agree with you there and if any of my children were really into something i wasnt i would never openly piss all over it, and by extension, them and their interests. promise.

Thing is conflict resolution is a very important part of growing up = and play 'fighting' is part of that process. I'd help him, it's not real after all.

conflict resolution! damn damn good point there... must play at conflict to learn/practice conflict resolution... a point made earlier by xenia i think (her least contoversial and most sensible post ive ever come across - the first one, not the second which was a bit more characteristic) which i translated as; you have to participate in something to have any influence in it, or words to that effect.

by 'characteristic' i mean i dont really agree/get it, btw