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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Struggling to accept my social housing situation [sad]

86 replies

TaserPet · 24/10/2016 14:13

Myself and 15 year old daughter were finally re-housed by social housing. We were totally desperate, so took the first available offered place. Our flat is not bad - I've really worked hard to make it a home. But its very small, no garden and is in a noisy, densely populated area with some 'challenging' neighbours.

My problem is that I fear I/we might be stuck here forever now. There is no way we could afford to move to private housing again, assuming it was even available to someone single in their 50s in receipt of HB (due to health reasons I should add).

I think my problem is just accepting my situation basically. I feel grateful for somewhere to live and I do count my blessings as often as I can. But it just feels like I'm not where I want to be physically, and I'm one of those people who is sensitive to their environment - but feel I can't change it realistically-speaking...

I can't put this in Relationships, as strictly speaking not a relationship issue, but maybe some insights or helpful thoughts here?

OP posts:
Original poster
TaserPet · 24/10/2016 22:08

I have been longer than a year Persian. I wouldn't say I was an optimist or a pessimist - to me this is just a pointless juxtaposition - I consider myself a realist. Obviously I am secure; thats not my point either. But I'll be back to respond to the helpful posts :)

OP posts:
Original poster
TaserPet · 24/10/2016 22:10

And I have been in the situation you describe with LL, so don't need the comparison explained to me!

OP posts:
Original poster
TaserPet · 24/10/2016 22:49

Had a chance to read through properly again.

Emmeline25 and expatinscotland - thanks for the sympathy straight-off.
mittenonastring thanks for tea and flowers, and agree health issues can be crap
hollieberrie you got it, have made some of those changes, maybe do a list of your suggestions and make a few more Smile.

MidSummerNight thanks also. I agree with what you say - that its all very well to say be glad you're not living in a ditch/starving/dead/
whatever - but that it can also be quite a heartless thing to say to someone who is struggling.
dailymailjournos thanks for your story and the positives you've found.
*Me2017" made me laugh "marry someone who owns a place" Grin,
And all those who had great suggestions re making our home a cosy, comfortable haven as possible.
MrsDeMere Yeah I know only too well how awful the private renting market is and to that extent I am glad I am here, especially with my health, but thanks for your good wishes.

OP posts:
Me2017 · 25/10/2016 08:10

People do though... even in 2016 many women get on in life by marrying someone who owns a house. My children's father has remarried and his second wife has moved into unmortgaged detached house. She could not have afforded that house and now she lives there and I am sure and hope they will live happily there for decades as I wish them no ill.

MidsummersNight · 25/10/2016 10:13

I can't help but be sour about women who marry into wealth. Nothing they've done it's my own envious issues.

Pretty much all of my friends did the very thing. Got into relationships with wealthy people & are now living in lovely houses.

I on the other hand fell for someone just as skint as me! Wouldn't change it though, he's great. Grin

Me2017 · 25/10/2016 10:25

It is certanily abig thing. Mumsnet is full of women who did the opposite of wehat I did - the others seem to marry men who earn more and I married someone who earned less. Who knows where love will strike but it does tend to striek the man in the expensive suit with the posh car more often than the man living in poverty. Go into a bar in a nice suit and then in paint splattered overalls as a man and judge what female attention you get.

In fact follow the example of the Russian and other women i how to get a rich man. I am sure it's possible to put yourself in the places wealthy men go, not that my ex just having an unmortgaged detached house is wealthy by the way but certainly relatively so.

FrenchJunebug · 25/10/2016 11:00

I too live in a small SH flat and am a single mum. I might not like the flat but I know I have lucky to have it as it enables me to live in the center of London. As for being stuck, you do not know. Situations can change so quickly. Make your house a home, get a cat and enjoy.

dailymaillazyjournos · 25/10/2016 11:28

A lovely big house with fabulous decor and furniture etc means nothing if you are married to a total bellend. Better to live with someone lovely, or on your own, in a small not great place. I honestly believe that. I could have lived in Buck House with my ex and I would still have been as miserable as sin. My flat is a bit scruffy, has crumbly walls but in it I'm free to do what I want, when i want. I can have cornflakes for dinner and eat them in bed watching Netflix. It's bloody brilliant after years of misery and having your confidence taken away bit by tiny bit.

I've come to realise that up to a point your house does not make for a happy life. A happy life makes for a happy life. And that can be in a 1 bed HA flat. And that doesn't mean I wouldn't get a hitman on my ex if I knew totally I could get away with it, because I flipping would!

PersianCatLady · 25/10/2016 11:37

But I'll be back to respond to the helpful posts
Sorry I wasn't helpful enough for you.

Noodoodle · 25/10/2016 11:41

OP, I sympathise. Before we moved we lived in a council flat where the neighbours were drug dealers often doing their business in the block. It was a small flat, no garden, up high...we lived with it for 7 years BUT when we closed the front door all that trouble was OUTSIDE and the flat was liveable. Like you we took the first thing we could-to get out of a cockroach infested private flat in a converted house that the landlord couldn't have cared less about. And after the initial noy of being somewhere safe and clean wore off we saw all the little new problems. I see where yourer coming from, but as some others have said, remember you are safe, secure, and it could be much worse.

I hope you find someone needing to downsize who would love your place.

lasttimeround · 25/10/2016 11:42

It takes time to find contentment in circumstances you wouldn't choose. Maybe break down the issues xnd try to tackle separately so it doesn't feel too big.
Ie no garden - plants in a window box , finding a project where you could garden or somewhere you xsn go to enjoy being outside
Scuffs flat - decorate? I've money is short make a detailed makeover plan of what you want and just do a bit at a time. Paint cushions and throws can be cheap snd make a difference
Neighbours - after least you aren't worrying about resale values when making complaints

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