Struggling to accept my social housing situation [sad]

[TaserPet]

Myself and 15 year old daughter were finally re-housed by social housing. We were totally desperate, so took the first available offered place. Our flat is not bad - I've really worked hard to make it a home. But its very small, no garden and is in a noisy, densely populated area with some 'challenging' neighbours.

My problem is that I fear I/we might be stuck here forever now. There is no way we could afford to move to private housing again, assuming it was even available to someone single in their 50s in receipt of HB (due to health reasons I should add).

I think my problem is just accepting my situation basically. I feel grateful for somewhere to live and I do count my blessings as often as I can. But it just feels like I'm not where I want to be physically, and I'm one of those people who is sensitive to their environment - but feel I can't change it realistically-speaking...

I can't put this in Relationships, as strictly speaking not a relationship issue, but maybe some insights or helpful thoughts here?

I did say it was unhelpful.

And for what it's worth I sympathise. We live in a teeny flat privately rented at an extortionate London rent. Can't move as partner's job ties us greatly. We would like a baby in the next few years- we don't have space for all our own stuff, let alone all the paraphernalia a baby brings with it. We cannot stay there if we want to start a family. There is NO storage space (I really mean that, aside from the wardrobes and kitchen cupboards- no where to store suitcases or things like that. I would love a garden.

But there's no way to change any of that. There just isn't at the moment. The major positive is we both used to house share and now at least we have our own space.

Don't give up on exchanges, they do happen! My teeny terrace on a noisy estate in the middle of nowhere was my swap partners idea of heaven! But there are tons of timewasters out there it took me four years to find the perfect swap!

I'd look at soundproofing your flat as much as possible - thick carpets and curtains to go with blinds, possibly soundproofing the walls.

When you shut your door it is you and your Dds home while its not ideal its yours and hers try and think of it like that and if you and your Dd are content for now that is all that matters, is there another housing association you could get on the waiting list i hated living in a flat but you have to put it at the back of your mind or the resentment builds up

You have been afforded social housing. You don't like the flat because it isn't big enough. How many bedrooms are there for you and your dd? It is not in a "naice" neighbourhood. What other options are available to you? Do you work? Can you afford a mortgage for a home that is more to your liking?

Ideass:-

1. Change your mindset to like what you have.
2. Marry someone who owns a place and move in with him.
3. Move abroad - get more for your money - within the EU so you still have healthcare (whilst in EU).
4. Can we help with the health issue? There are a lot of knowledgeable posters on MN about medical matters. I suspect if we solved the health issue and got you back into full time work you could then buy a property or rent one and your life would be utterly changed

' Can you afford a mortgage for a home that is more to your liking?'

Don't you think if she could afford a mortgage to a home more to her liking, she wouldn't be living in the flat?

I have a friend with mobility problems (MS) who has moved with the council to a new build apartment in town. They do offer some priority if you have health issues I thin, depending on what they are possibly. Also, when you are 55 you would qualify for retirement housing there seem to be lots of these, my dad's in one and also if you have family in other areas you might be able to move there. Maybe it's more of a case of looking at the sort term (next 3-5 years when your daughter will be 18-20 and possibly moving out) and then the future after that. Maybe it helps to break it down a bit like that?

"I suspect if we solved the health issue and got you back into full time work you could then buy a property or rent one and your life would be utterly changed"

Hmm, sounds very easy put like that. I have long term health issues too and they aren't that easily cured!

Possibly some help to make sure the OP is getting all the benefits she could be (e.g. PIP) and if suitable, some work she could do as well, or ESA, might be helpful. The CAB might be able to help with that.

Also I doubt that even starting to get on the housing ladder at 50 would mean a great improvement as would be a long road ahead with a mortgage..

Also if the OP is in her 50s it's pretty hard to get a mortgage.

How many bedrooms have you got in your social housing? I'm guessing 2 with your DD? When you are over 55 and your daughter has moved, you can get into sheltered accommodation. MIL is in one and it's lovely. Very good neighbourhood, and right next to the village centre. Waiting list for them are incredibly short. MIL waited only one year for it, while her old neighbours who were much younger waited 8 years for their council house.

I know you may think you are far too young for sheltered accommodation. But go and have a look at one when you qualify. You maybe presently surprised. I see other posters have already suggested them too. So think of this current flat you have a short term solution. You really won't be stuck forever in it.

Afford a mortgage generally not an option if you qualify for social housing....
But on the Brightside op, you are about to see the economy crash and burn and your housing is safe

Can't you look around GB and find a cheaper location to live in where you could afford the rent for something more much nicer?
I assume your daughter is still going to school so if you could live somewhere smaller where she could take a school bus to her secondary school while you take public transport/your own car to work?
You don't write where you live but it looks like urban environment so maybe somewhere rural/semi-rural would be more suitable?

Not feeling 100% happy in your home can really affect you BUT op, you do have a home. Count your blessings. Everyone makes compromises when it comes to their home, whether they are rich or poor, own or rent.

And...

Bingo! Because living rurally will provide a plethora of jobs and cut expenses....

At least you've got somewhere. I'm on a waiting list hundreds long. Could be worse for you!

I also live in social housing but would give my left arm to be able to afford my own home.
I am lucky and have a house with a moderately sized garden but I'm in Scotland and housing up here (I think from what I've heard) is a lot better and in less demand than in England.

My house is lovely and I've spent lots decorating it, but at the end of the day it's not mine. I have no assets. I think it's silly for anyone to wish to go from owning your own home to social housing.

I used to live in a horrible house OP, so I totally and utterly sympathise and hope you can find peace with your flat soon.

OP, my counsellor recently made a comment about my rather difficult situation. We were discussing things and I talked about finding acceptance too hard, she said that it might help to just reach a point where you can tolerate something. In fact you sound as if you can tolerate your living conditions ok but don't like the idea that it is not within your power to chose to move again?

Nobody knows what will happen to us next. Maybe you will find a way later on. When your dd grows up you will have more choice about where you want to live and possibly your situation may have changes financially or in your personal life.

Can you get involved with any local community groups? That's such a great way of meeting your fellow residents and making positive changes.

Bingo! Because living rurally will provide a plethora of jobs and cut expenses....

We moved to a semi-rural environment because we found the city life way too noisy and crowded, even though we were renting a spacious apartment beside just about every amenity you could think of.
We are saving money on rent now, we commute to our work but it's not a big distance and we don't have to commute through a busy metropole.
I can't see why those suggestions are being fobbed off as something that's not feasible.

Would you consider moving moving to another part of the country? You might get an exchange with someone who's looking to move to your area.

Sorry but "you could be worse" is a crap statement and does absolutely nothing to help OP come to terms with her housing situation.

Many of us could be worse off. I'm absolutely skint just now and can't afford to get a shop in but seeing as I'm not dead in the middle of a ditch things "could be worse" for me, but right now not being able to feed my family a decent tea feels like pretty hard done by to me.

A densely populated area must have half decent transport links? Any parks or big green spaces you can get to at weekends? A quiet walk somewhere open and green and peaceful is good for the soul.

Have you met all of your neighbours, there must be some that are OK?