Other mum stealth avoiding me

[aaaaargghhhhelpme]

Hi

Name changed as if she's on this I'm sure she'll know it's me

Basically DDs friends mum is really funny with me. But today she spectacularly blanked me. And I don't know why. I don't know what I've done.

Our DDs are good friends. At nursery together. Now school. We live in the same direction about five minutes away. Sometimes we bump into them on the way. They want to play together and go to school together but sometimes she's been - oh no we're going this way! And takes her dd the long route.

Anyway today we're getting the train. My DH has a season ticket so waited on the platform with Dd. I had to go over the bridge to the other platform to get a ticket. As I was crossing over a train came in. As I'm coming down the stairs I see them getting off. She starts calling her husband - not acknowledging me - and gestures to the side exit.
I walk past smiling. I just think they didn't see me. No skin off my nose. But think it's funny as they live the other side so I would've thought they'd be crossing over the bridge.
Get my ticket and cross back. And they're there. Talking to my Dd. But before I could reach them. They'd gone.

So. They went out the side exit. Waited for me to pass. Then went the way I came. And then left when they saw me coming.

I asked my DH what they said and he was pissed off because they didn't say anything to him so he didn't know who these strangers were talking to dd.

I totally get not wanting to have a massive chat on the school run (first thing in the morning I am not at my best!) but I don't get this at all.

The only other thing I can think of was when the DDs were starting school. Three of us mums had been at the same nursery. We were waiting in the playground. And she just said to the other mum - oh we should sort out that play date. And then she started going on about dates. I didn't say anything but felt a bit pushed out. So just started fussing with the baby. For the record I don't care at all there are play dates without my Dd. Just thought it was a bit odd to arrange it in front of me! Maybe I'm just paranoid as I have Pnd at the moment. And social anxiety at the best of times. I've tried really hard just to be smiley. Not push conversations. I don't know what I've done to piss her off so much. She's fine with other mums.

Sorry. I'm really stressed at the moment. I've just been in tears to my DH (now away on business for the week - half term - fantastic timing!) I can't help but take it personally.

Thanks for making it through the mammoth post. Didn't want to drip feed.
But I guess my question is - is it me?! Is it my Pnd talking?! Or is she being odd.

Someone said upthread that people who obsess about this kind of thing tend to be very dramatic, and everything is about them - I couldn't agree more. I would sooner be left alone than have to speak to someone who I don't like for whatever reason. Maybe this woman cba with the OP? Not ideal but that's just how it is sometimes.

I tend to look for approval from those who appear to be passing judgement. Invariably if I've ever been pointedly ignored by someone, I haven't the faintest idea why, so it's not like I will learn any useful lesson from it

I'm definitely not a dramatic person, more of a wallflower type! I think it's a bit unfair to say that the social worrier makes it "all about them". It's really the person doing the ignoring who is selfish as they don't care about hurting other people's feelings.

Like everyone else, I meet people I don't like, or completely disagree with, but still smile and say hello, as it's just automatic and it would seem deliberately rude not to. I don't see how it's courteous to basically give the message "I don't like you, can't be bothered to say hello, and am not going to give you the benefit of the doubt".

I genuinely find it quite odd that ignoring people you know, just because you don't like them, is often seen as perfectly acceptable behaviour on here It could be growing up in an underpopulated place where you had to get on with everyone around you, whether or not you liked them or had anything in common. In a city (I've since lived in a few) it sometimes seems as if people find others almost exactly like themselves and ignore everyone else.

It does actually take effort to ignore someone. Ignoring people on purpose is not an instinctive, natural human response and therefore it takes effort.

Beyond instinct, it is not considered polite and well mannered behaviour.

This woman, op, has issues. I would make every effort to be polite but distant. She certainly has very poor manners.

I try to avoid people quite frequently - even people I'm fond of - sometimes I just can't be bothered with the chit chat.

If the woman is being so blatant about it, then the OP has done or said something (whether real or perceived) to actively piss her off! It could be people stirring the shit but active ignoring is for a reason. (As opposed to the 'pretending you haven't seen someone' type of ignoring)

She is definitely making a point. When I meet people I know but dont like then I do the smile and Hi thing, without stopping to chat. Its what you do. But to make a big song and dance about going the wrong way simply to avoid the OP and then doubling back to speak to her child, ignoring the husband, is to make a point.

Its very childish, very "I am not talking to you!" playground stuff and probably designed to make the OP react as she has. Which is why the best thing to do is to pretend to not see her. IF there is one thing an ignorer hates, its to be ignored first! She cant make a point if no one has actually noticed her accidentally on purpose. In fact after ignoring her for a couple of weeks, she will probably be all over the OP like a rash.

Actually pretending not to see her is the best idea for your own dignity as much as anything else. I don't imagine she will give a shiny shite either way

I would never be 'over someone like a rash' in that situation. If you dislike someone enough to ignore them, how would you notice them ignoring you (iyswim) and, if you did, why would you care?

How odd that anyone would think that

Does her husband fancy you a bit? I've had this a couple of times and it's usually straight after the husband has been a bit 'friendly'. But anyway, don't worry about it, it's her loss.

It happens!!

Its like the man who dumps you and then when you move on, he wants you back. Its not because he wants you but because he wants you to want him.

Some people are like that. If you make it clear that you want to be friends then they dont care, but make it clear that you dont and they chase after you. Weird but true.

Okay well you obviously know some odd people! This isn't a relationship between people who have or have had any kind of feelings for each other so it seems a bit of a leap to think that she would come back and try to be friends with the OP. Chances are she will just be relieved.

But then I would have some respect for someone in the OP's position who didn't keep trying to speak to me if I was the woman in that situation

Barinspace - yes! That's how I'd describe myself too really. I force myself to be a bit more chatty so people don't think I'm rude.

Livia - i'm full of sertraline and massively sleep deprived - I would much rather not stop for chit chat! But if I saw someone coming towards me who I know I would always say a friendly 'hello' as we pass. To throw myself into a side alley wouldn't even cross my mind.

We're adults. I'd like to think if I've upset her (intentionally or not) she could have a word. Or of course she might just not like the cut of my jib - and that's fine. I'm not in the playground to make best friends. All that matters to me is that the girls are happy. theyre both quite perceptive and will pick up on behaviour like this. dd has already asked me why she didn't stop to say hello when I arrived - they literally left two seconds before I reached them.

Bogey face - yes that crossed my mind too! It was so dramatic and over the top she can't really have thought I wouldn't see

Anyway it's given me and DH a good old laugh. we'll see if she comes to the party. I'm not going to lose any sleep over it - I lose enough as it is courtesy of ds!

Thanks again everyone