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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Other mum stealth avoiding me

88 replies

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 23/10/2016 17:53

Name changed as if she's on this I'm sure she'll know it's me

Basically DDs friends mum is really funny with me. But today she spectacularly blanked me. And I don't know why. I don't know what I've done.

Our DDs are good friends. At nursery together. Now school. We live in the same direction about five minutes away. Sometimes we bump into them on the way. They want to play together and go to school together but sometimes she's been - oh no we're going this way! And takes her dd the long route.

Anyway today we're getting the train. My DH has a season ticket so waited on the platform with Dd. I had to go over the bridge to the other platform to get a ticket. As I was crossing over a train came in. As I'm coming down the stairs I see them getting off. She starts calling her husband - not acknowledging me - and gestures to the side exit.
I walk past smiling. I just think they didn't see me. No skin off my nose. But think it's funny as they live the other side so I would've thought they'd be crossing over the bridge.
Get my ticket and cross back. And they're there. Talking to my Dd. But before I could reach them. They'd gone.

So. They went out the side exit. Waited for me to pass. Then went the way I came. And then left when they saw me coming.

I asked my DH what they said and he was pissed off because they didn't say anything to him so he didn't know who these strangers were talking to dd.

I totally get not wanting to have a massive chat on the school run (first thing in the morning I am not at my best!) but I don't get this at all.

The only other thing I can think of was when the DDs were starting school. Three of us mums had been at the same nursery. We were waiting in the playground. And she just said to the other mum - oh we should sort out that play date. And then she started going on about dates. I didn't say anything but felt a bit pushed out. So just started fussing with the baby. For the record I don't care at all there are play dates without my Dd. Just thought it was a bit odd to arrange it in front of me! Maybe I'm just paranoid as I have Pnd at the moment. And social anxiety at the best of times. I've tried really hard just to be smiley. Not push conversations. I don't know what I've done to piss her off so much. She's fine with other mums.

Sorry. I'm really stressed at the moment. I've just been in tears to my DH (now away on business for the week - half term - fantastic timing!) I can't help but take it personally.

Thanks for making it through the mammoth post. Didn't want to drip feed.
But I guess my question is - is it me?! Is it my Pnd talking?! Or is she being odd.

OP posts:

upthegardenpath · 23/10/2016 23:14

You sound lovely.
She sounds like a typical cats bum-faced bitch mother we get around here.
One minute all over you like you're the dog's bollock's.
The next, you cease to exist.
Can't be bothered trying to understand, or dissect, or accept it, for that matter.
Put it down to experience - she is nuts - and move on

avamiah · 23/10/2016 23:15

underthegardenPath,
well said. haha

upthegardenpath · 23/10/2016 23:17

have had to deal with a few, in my time...

MyPeriodFeatures · 23/10/2016 23:22

She's in a terrible marriage

You would be someone who would become close to her because of DDs and proximity

If you strike up any kind of friendship at all it will be extremely difficult to keep you at a safe enough distance so her life doesn't crash down.

Due to this she's a massive control freak and this situation properly challenges her.

That's my wild speculation on this.

TheWindowDonkey · 23/10/2016 23:30

I'vehad similar before, and it used to really get to me if someone appeared not to like me for no apparent reason. It would make me paranoid and wonder why I wasn't likeable. I finally realised that I AM likeable, and if these people who are arkward with me or seem not to want to know me can't be civil or at least give me a chance then it is a reflection of of concequence of something inside them. It's not anything I have done or said or not done or said, they're just not that into me, and actually, thats Ok, because there's no law that says they have to be. So e people tale along while to warm to others, Sometimes we just don't click with others. Some people are extremely socially challenged. Not 'because' anything, its just the way it is. You sound lovely. Don't let it get to you.

SleightOfMind · 23/10/2016 23:42

You're not overthinking, her behaviour is odd.
Doesn't mean it's about you though, she could be struggling with a myriad of things.
I think your plan to invite her daughter over to play is the best thing you can do in the circumstances. Just focus on letting your daughter enjoy her friendship and see how things unravel.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 24/10/2016 08:53

She sounds like a cunt OP - really nasty and for whatever reason she does not want to be mates

A cunt? Really? She's ignoring the OP not spitting in her face

CarShare · 24/10/2016 09:01

It's her, not you. Don't waste your time on it. Ask to her to confirm about DD's party when you chase up non responders but don't give it another thought. Some people are just a bit funny.

Sallycinnamum · 24/10/2016 15:08

I have one of these.

Her DS is best friends with my DS but she blows hot and cold.

I've come to the conclusion that she is just one of those mums who I'm never going to understand so I don't give a flying fig now if she's off with me.

Thankfully I only do the school run twice a week and I've made friends with other mums who find her just as peculiar.

I'd just ignore, don't take it personally and accept that she's never going to be your best buddy.

Robinkitty · 24/10/2016 15:20

I'd agree with myperiodfeatures.

Robinkitty · 24/10/2016 15:29

Also if she's ignored you before it's probably becoming more and more awkward for her when she sees you

FarAwayHills · 24/10/2016 15:29

Reading this thread makes me glad that I am almost at the end of the primary school run.

You sound lovely OP, she is either an arse or has issues but nonetheless there's no excuse for rudeness in my book.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 24/10/2016 16:22

I always assume that people who run hot and cold have mental health problems, nothing to do with me, and could probably do with some support. I try not to take it personally and say hello once they've 'come back', so to speak.

Op, I don't think this is the case here, but I'm not sure what is going on. Could be any if the reasons given above.

user1474627704 · 24/10/2016 16:28

I find people who obsess over interactions and read lots of "she must hate me/what did I do/this was so mean" into waht sounds like perfectly normal interactions are kinda hard work, and I tend to avoid them. These people think everything is about them and they exhaust you with the drama.

Not saying you're like that OP, but you might want to think that maybe its just not about you all the time?

Original poster

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 24/10/2016 18:28

Ah thanks for all the replies. I meant to come back to the thread this morning to say thanks. It really meant a lot to me last night

I love myperiodfeatures theory!

DH rang this morning and said pretty much what everyone said here. Maybe she has got an issue with me. But it's not worth obsessing over. All the other mums and dads say hello to me - and so far haven't had to hurl themselves into a side alley to get away from me - so that's ok!

We had a bit of a laugh about it. It was actually quite funny really. Her shouting at her husband to follow her. It could have been a farce.

Anyway just wanted to thank you all for keeping me sane last night when I couldn't get hold of DH on his travels. You are all lovely.

I shall of course report back if I see anyone diving headfirst into a nearby bush to avoid saying hello!

OP posts:

WindPowerRanger · 24/10/2016 18:35

I have the same-I am rather ostentatiously ignored by one mother in the playground who knows a lot of the same people I know. She has been unkind enough to laugh at me openly on one occasion, in a very 'nuttiest girl in the 6th form' kind of a way.

It is a pity as our children like each other, but DH and I avoid the family because of the mother's behaviour. I don't care about the shunning, and I accept it is probably irrational, but the not knowing exactly why does irritate me sometimes.

Pimmmms · 24/10/2016 18:39

You have a baby as well? She might have been trying for another child and simply can't cope being around someone with a baby. 2 friends of mine fell out, both had ivf but only 1 was successful, the other couldn't handle being anywhere near the baby and had cut the other mum out of her life completely.

PatButchersEarring · 24/10/2016 18:48

Honestly, you could spend forever trying to work out why, but in all likelihood, when someone is behaving like this, it genuinely isn't about you.

It may be that she's depressed or something, and actually like this with a lot of people, but it may be that it just seems like she's only like it with you because you're depressed (if that makes sense).

Either way, her behaviour is a bit odd and unfriendly, but I would bet my bottom dollar that it's not personally directed at you!

Original poster

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 24/10/2016 18:51

Pimmms - someone else mentioned that. She has another child - a ds like mine but I think he's about 2. She could be trying for number three I suppose.
I had trouble getting pregnant with ds. So I'd never intentionally rub anyone's nose in it with him. Though I know sometimes just being around babies when you're trying is really tough. I really wouldn't wish it on anyone.

OP posts:

OfaFrenchmind2 · 24/10/2016 18:53

Cow, cunt, bitch, jealous.... wow, aren't you all fantastic.

OP, no slight against you, but maybe:
-you bore her a little bit, and somedays people just cannot bear to do small talks.
-she plain does not like you. This happens, does not mean she is awful, but we click or not with people.

you may have said something she disagrees or dislikes a lot.

She may or may not have MH issues, but it could as well be that you are not her cup of tea and she has decided not to waste too much time on spending time with you. It sucks, but as long as your daughters are not impacted, you cannot change anything about it.

winkywinkola · 24/10/2016 19:37

Yes but OfaFrenchMind, even if you find someone a bit of a bore there is absolutely no need to be so bad mannered.

It takes very little effort to be polite. It takes considerably far more effort to be as rude as this woman is being to the op.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 24/10/2016 20:12

Maybe, but it seems that is takes also very little for a pack of assholes to tear into a woman they do not know anything about, all in mysogynisc terms. The saving grace is that this lady may not be on MN...

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 24/10/2016 21:56

It actually takes absolutely no effort to ignore someone.

wobblywonderwoman · 24/10/2016 22:03

Of a.. OK nobody should tear anyone to shreds but to be honest - it is hurtful if a woman runs away from you at a train station if you honestly have done nothing wrong.

Op doesn't sound like a bore to me and what's wrong with a bit of small talk anyway

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 24/10/2016 22:05

Not everyone wants to make pointless inane chatter with people they don't particularly like. It doesn't make them bad people, just people who don't want to make small talk.

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