to be p**sed off with him?

[Mrstumbletap]

My DH works full time in retail so gets a mid week day off but works on a Saturday, he informed me last night that he is taking up a new hobby - golf.

This will be on Sunday's and probably 2 Sunday's a month. He is doing this with a few friends that don't work on a Saturday, so now the only day we have off as a family (Sunday) he will be missing for 3/4+ hours.

I'm pissed off, he thinks I am being unreasonable. I am annoyed that every other week we won't be able to do anything all together and will feel like I am waiting for him to get home. If he goes early in the morning, we don't get that lazing about drinking coffee with DS crawling into bed and all just chilling together. If he goes at lunchtime, we can't all go out for lunch, zoo, soft play etc whatever because he won't be there.

He has a hobby already, he has chosen to change his hobby.

I think he is entirely unreasonable actually. It sounds as if he gets a lot of time to himself. One day a week to spend all together is really precious, I lived that situation for a long time and neither I or DH would have committed to time out of the house without checking with the other person and certainly not for a regular thing.

And the OP doesn't say they spend all day in bed ffs. Read the posts.

I can't believe people think it's fine for him to just announce that he's going to be out for the best part of the day leaving her alone with her DS for most of the weekend. What if OP had also randomly decided to take up a hobby during the middle of the day on Sunday. Clearly the assumption is that when their both off work she's the default person to watch their DS.

A round will take far longer than that- then post round drink.

YANBU mainly because it's golf and I just don't understand the bloody point of it. Just go for a walk in the countryside and be done with it.

Thank you all for your responses, they were really helpful.

We just had another discussion about it and we both made our points more clearly. If we didn't have a little DS it would be different, he could play golf, I would go and get my hair done, go shopping etc. It would be bliss But there is more to consider now we are a family.

He said he can be a bit flexible with his work hours and be home early on a Saturday etc

I do have hobbies Flourishingmrs, I love painting, cooking, dancing and seeing my friends. But I wouldn't do any of those things on a Sunday my only day with my family without discussing first with my DH. They would always come first in my decision making.

If a friend said "fancy a day out in London going to some galleries/shopping and go for a nice lunch?" I would say ''hell yeah!" find a date that works with my husband, make sure he doesn't have plans and have a fab day out with my friend.

Would I agree to do that every other weekend for the year? No.

YANBU. It's incredibly selfish of him. He has a family, he cannot live as a single man and do what he wants, when he wants with his mates.

I'd make my own plans on Sundays, if you want a day out, go ahead, DH isn't invited. If he can do his own thing, so can you. One day his child will ask daddy why he doesn't come, he can explain why he'd rather hang out with his mates than his wife and child.

I have a friend who's DH plays golf. She is forever having to do her own thing. He is hardly around. From what I have gathered, he just tells her when is doing it and she puts up with it. I couldn't tbh. It would do my head in too much. And it isn't controlling. We you get married and have children, your life changes and you cease being able to swan off when you feel like, unless you are an inconsiderate twat, in which case, don't bother being married.

Harrypotter - your post is nonsense. The ops dh is hardly 'never seeing his son'. In every 4 full days he spends with his son, (2x mid week, 2 x Sunday) he is asking for 3-4 hours out. So, say 4 x 12 hours = 48 hours. 4 hours out = 8%.
I don't think it's healthy to live only through your children, parents are people too. Balance is important.

But he gets loads of time to himself at other times. I'd be totally with you on this if his only chance for time by himself through the week was on a Sunday but it isn't.

Where exactly is the balance for the OP if she is working full time and then her husband is out quite often during the week in the evenings?

No such thing as 2 to 3 hours when menz play golf.If unsure,time them.

I'm glad you've come to a compromise.

It's interesting that you see his behaviour as being a reflection on your lack of control.

You may well not have ever booked anything on your family days without running it past DH but I think that's a societal thing that women will readily give up social activities and prioritise their families all the time, constantly, and then feel a bit put out when that's not reciprocated even when it's not entirely healthy.

Do you tend to have a power struggle in your relationship?

My dh plays golf:
It's always longer than 3-4 hours - unless you live next door to a golf course? Plus if he's a beginner he will be shit and it will take a lot longer.

Going out in the middle of the day is annoying and unnecessary. Why can't he do an early round? My dh used to tee off at half seven on weekends so he could be back by lunchtime? Bit later in winter, as soon as it's light.