to be p**sed off with him?

[Mrstumbletap]

My DH works full time in retail so gets a mid week day off but works on a Saturday, he informed me last night that he is taking up a new hobby - golf.

This will be on Sunday's and probably 2 Sunday's a month. He is doing this with a few friends that don't work on a Saturday, so now the only day we have off as a family (Sunday) he will be missing for 3/4+ hours.

I'm pissed off, he thinks I am being unreasonable. I am annoyed that every other week we won't be able to do anything all together and will feel like I am waiting for him to get home. If he goes early in the morning, we don't get that lazing about drinking coffee with DS crawling into bed and all just chilling together. If he goes at lunchtime, we can't all go out for lunch, zoo, soft play etc whatever because he won't be there.

"I think you are making a big deal of this, its just a few hours on my day off"

In that case, ask him whether you buggering off for four hours every other Sunday would also be 'no big deal?'

Talk to him about where you can fit your 'me' time in.
Also you can do nice stuff on a Sunday. Like zoo etc, it's just he'll be missing out.

I'm laughing at the person who says golf isn't getting any exercise.

I really don't see a problem here. The only problem occurs if the OP says she wants some time to do something and he says no (which it doesn't sound like he is). Two Sundays a month really doesn't sound particularly awful. Especially when it coincides with just lying in bed watching TV.

Well that didn't go too well. Just sat down for dinner with DH, he said you are being strange and quiet. When we got round to me saying I think this golf decision is rude, he said "tough".

There is nowhere I can go with that, so I walked out and I'm currently in McDonalds car park eating a big mac as I was starving. I couldn't sit opposite a table with him being such an idiot.

Although I'm probably the idiot now aren't I because I walked out?

Good to see no overreacting here from either party. I still think he's more in the right, though the "tough" line is harsh.

Mind you, you say "got round" to saying, which suggests a conversation beating around the bush before you finally said why you were annoyed. Passive aggressive behaviour is never going to make things better

Totally selfish. Dh gave up golf when dd was born. 4 hours out of a whole weekend was too much time apart for us - by the time we've caught up with jobs we then have family time (now have 3 dc). I would feel unvalued and unloved. There's me time and then there's being a selfish idiot. The fact the decision was made with no discussion or consideration to the feelings of others would ring alarm bells for me, but then I expect dh to want to spend time with me and our dc.

I would have walked out too. You don't respond to your partner's concerns like that - how rude.

I think you are being slightly controlling. And I think the replies would be a little different if the genders were reversed. It's only 3-4 hours every other weekend - to get some time to himself, to socialise with his friends, to get some fresh air and exercise, to do something he enjoys. If you would otherwise be lying in bed watching TV, I don't really see the issue. Provided of course that you get an equal amount of me-time each fortnight.

You both work 5 days a week, you both look after your child one day a week, you both get a few hours of free-time every other fortnight - sounds fair enough to me. Maybe you could send your child to his grandparents or his friends house during that time?

I would also have walked out.

And it's not about the time per se, it's about his attitude.

Could you perhaps take up a hobby on the weekday evening that your dh is off work?

He doesn't care about your family time it seems. Does he even want to be a family?

I'd have left too. But then id also stay out for a long time and tell him 'tough' if he commented.

Thanks for your input user, you have missed my point. I don't want to lay in bed watching tv. That is what we do from 6:30-8am you know when your 3 year old comes in bed for a snuggle because you have all been busy at work/nursery all week and this is the 1 morning you get to be all together, before shops, soft play, swimming opens because it is a Sunday.

If he is up and out from 8-1pm we can't have breakfast as a family, we can't go out for lunch as a family. We can't go out for the whole day as a family.

He isn't doing it for the excercise, he isn't doing it for the love/interest in golf, he is doing it to see his friends.

When I bring up thinking golf is rude and he says "tough". What do you suggest I reply to that???

Absolutely Jenny. It's the attitude. Saying 'tough' suggests a horribly non-partner-like approach to a shared enterprise ie raising a child and running a home.

Is he saying he doesn't care if you are happy or not? Yes, he has needs. But you have needs too. And the only way for a marriage to work is if both parties find a way to meet their own, each others' and the childrens' needs without hurting the others. Most marriages manage this, more or less.

YANBU. When are you meant get your me time. Also what the hell is he doing all day on his mid week day off if not me time?

YaNBU, but everyone needs 'me' time. You both need to compromise so you both get what you need.

Why does he not care about family time? It's really just "staying in bed and watching TV" time he's checking out of, which is fine. As a previous poster said, this isn't everyone's idea of quality family time. He's doing it once a fortnight and has said that he won't be doing it if they have something planned. That's incredibly reasonable to me.

The OP sounds very controlling here. Imagine if her husband didn't let her our to see her friends once a fortnight for lunch.....

But why does your wanting to snuggle etc trump his wanting to do what he prefers?
I don't think a few hours me time every other week are a bad thing.
The 'tough' line isn't great though.
How I would work it is - he plays golf every other Sunday morning. You do what you want every other other Sunday morning. Family time in the afternoon. I don't think that's unreasonable.

And is he going to be embarrassed in front of his mates if he says he can't play so often? He might find it a bit easier to climb down /cut down slowly, but of course first he has to want to.

What's he supposed to reply? Obviously not using "tough" would be nice, but there's no real compromise here. Either he doesn't play golf or he does. And once every two weeks, for 4 hours, doesn't seem unreasonable. Especially since it's not clashing with anything other than being in the house it seems.

You can still do lunch too if he's back at 1pm, and on the other week when golf isn't on too.

So only you get to decide what he does? No wonder he snapped with the "tough" comment. You sound very controlling and stifling.

It's a few hours a week, he works and spends time with DS so not like he is not pulling his weight. Everyone should have a a hobby and some down time.

Blimey.

So he works 5 days a week and looks after your son for one (midweek). You work 5 days a week and look after your son for one (Saturday).

He wants to spend 3-4 hours out every other week pursuing a hobby. You want him to prioritise spending time in bed with you and your son.

Unless he is preventing you from spending 3-4 hours out / by yourself on the opposite weekends (or later the same day, or of an evening), I think you're being completely unreasonable.

People are allowed to have interests outside the home, and he is entirely entitled not to regard your time in bed watching cartoons on a Sunday morning as sacrosanct, even if you do.

People missing some of the point here. It is not only the issue that he wants to go out every couple of weeks - that is not in and of itself unreasonable. The issue is that this is the only day available for them to spend time as a family and he is choosing to decide what to do with it without consultation. And now he is saying 'tough' as if his partner's views do not matter. I am not saying there isn't a compromise to be made, but his attitude stinks.

I think what seems so hurtful, is if one of my friends said about meeting for lunch, we would go on the Saturday with the DC, so I can then spend Sunday with my DH. I wouldn't even think about making myself busy on the one day we get together as a family as I would always keep that free for family stuff.

Shoving golf in the middle of it, and letting me know last night and going today was just a bit inconsiderate. The 'tough' comment is just what gets my back up as it seems so old fashioned, its like saying "you have no input on my life, I will do what I want and that is the end of it" there is no reply to that, it backs you into a corner.