To not understand why she's doing this

[Salsapal]

At office drinks a few weeks ago I drunkenly mentioned to work friend that I thought a guy was attractive (definitely not in his earshot), I was talking to him for quite a while. Now every time he walks last she looks really obviously at us both, once stage whispered at me "that's the guy you thought was cute!" and once when he came by kept saying my name alert me

I don't get why! Is she trying to embarrass me?! He's a bit more senior than me but not that much older. I snapped and sent her a polite message asking her not to do it again as it was unprofessional. My reaction while she was doing it was just to remain calm and not say anything.

Hard to say why, maybe she just thinks she's being friendly or bonding with you. Honestly, I don't think you can blame her for mentioning it before you asked her to stop. Now she knows you don't like it she obviously should!

I mentioned it the first time in a friendly way though and she refused to stop (joking), so the second time I was polite but a bit firmer...

He has definitely heard her say this btw

You've mentioned you fancy this guy and she's just trying to lighten a probably very dull office/working day by, shock horror, looking at you both when he walks past.

I'm sure now you've snapped and asked her to stop, she will.

I feel bad now I wasn't harsh with her, but thought it was childish and embarrassing! It's not very discreet either. He's my senior and there's a strong chance I could end up working with him; I don't mind gossiping with her but not in front of his face!

I disagree with everyone else. I'd be mortified if anyone did this to me. You should be able to say someone's attractive without it being used to embarrass you. It reminds me of something my friend did when we were about 13. She repeated a comment I'd made about a boy I liked during a sports lesson we were having. Everyone heard and it was obviously calculated to embarrass me and make me look a twat.

You've told her now so if she doesn't stop I'd have a firmer word. I wouldn't think it was helpful either to be so obvious about it. She sounds childish.

Thanks... I just don't understand why you would do it

God, how embarrassing!!

I don't know why she would do it either, but she clearly has no concept of the fact that she's in work and not the classroom now!

Some people enjoy the discomfort of others and their own power to provoke it.

Is she 12, because that's what my friends and I did at that age. She is deliberately trying to make you uncomfortable at work and it's not on!

Do you think I did the right thing?

I'm hurt because I like/liked her (have only known her a few weeks but thought we got on well), and this has thrown me I just don't get it tbh

Absolutely you did the right thing.

She's either completely failed to mature from schoolgirl status and doesn't realise how puerile her behaviour is, or she's trying to embarrass you in front of your colleague - neither of these are acceptable, so you had to tell her to stop.

I just don't get why shed want to embarrass me - I'm upset actually as I considered her a friend. Maybe will cool off with her :(

Because she's an idiot. You known what she's like now so if you 'gossip' with her again then you'll be joining her in the idiot stakes.

Cheers Pimms

She's not behaved very maturely, but then again getting pissed at the office do and drunkenly gossiping with someone you've only known a couple of weeks about how you fancy a senior colleague wasn't your finest hour either.

You've asked her to stop so I'd be really surprise if she carried on now.

Continue to be friendly and professional, but keep a check on your boundaries until you get to know people's personalities a bit better.

True. We were in a club though, I was professional but chatty. I confided in her just as she has said similar things to me in the past - I really don't see what I have done wrong!

We work in a very male dominated industry and I have no doubt that men (rightly or wrongly) say things like this all the time. This happened about 4 weeks ago, it was 3am and she has held onto it since then!!

Maybe you shouldn't have said to her you thought he was attractive when you were drunk at an office do? I think that was pretty silly and unprofessional.

How am I in the wrong here now...

I don't think you're in the wrong, but I also don't think she necessarily is. You mentioned something a bit personal to her, as a friend, and she teased you about it a bit, which is also what friends do. She wont have thought she was overstepping alive, because you told her about the crush. She just seems to have done it in a really unsubtle way, but not necessarily nastily.

I kept all my crushes secret for this very reason, so I could watch them in peace without someone being all daft around me