To ask things you have done to ruin "the mood" with your partner?

[BowieFan]

Apparently me moaning about the colour of our ceiling when DP was kissing me was not very romantic, according to DP.

What mistakes have you made that killed the mood stone dead?

Said 'ouch ouch ouch' 12 bloody weeks after childbirth kind of ruined it for both of us tbf.

Just read the whole thread my ruined pelvic floor is struggling to keep up. Can't wait to read them out to dh when he gets in.

"She's in Emerdale! I'd know that voice anywhere!!"

Not me, but our cat was in his bed in the corner of the bedroom & when dp made the move south, cat decided that was a good time to start cleaning himself so all we could hear was slurping noises, completely put me off!

DH was going down on me and I relaxed a little too much and release wind he stopped looked up at me and said in such a horrified voice
did you just fart in my face?
Mood was killed as I was in hysterics

DH was perched on the bottom bit of the bed (like where your feet go if that makes sense) both a bit tipsy, I attempt to start oral on him, next thing I see his feet in air and him doing a slow motion roly poly and he hits the floor

Fanny Fart.

One morning, my ex and I were about to DTD so I swiftly removed my tampon (only lightly blood-stained!) and wrapped it in tissue and chucked on bedside table.

During foreplay, ex was about to sneeze and grabbed the tissue, seeing the string hanging out, he screamed and shot across the room, throwing away what he said later he thought was a bloody mouse!

I never laughed so hard!

This has amused me no end.

I have two stories.

A previous boyfriend led there like a sack of potatos whilst I was giving him a BJ. I actually stopped before finishing and just rolled over to go to sleep. That was a massive turn off.

DP and I were getting to it. We were in the middle of the bed and I was on top. DP tried to passionately fling me over onto the bed and carry on with him on top. Except he misjudged the edge of the bed and just flung me off it. Hard to carry on with tears in your eyes from banging your head and elbow and leg against a wardrobe.

ChickenVindaloo - that is hilarious

ChaChaChaCh4nges

The helicopter trick is when a bloke spins round his manhood like a helicopter... they usually find this hilarious for some reason.

About 8 weeks after my hysterectomy we were going to have sexy time. Except DP slipped and pulled a muscle in his back in our ensuite. I ran in to help him and when I saw the naked mangled mess of him I laughed so much I wet myself a bit (which is normal after that kind of op, apparently).

It definitely put the dampeners on that night!

This thread has had me snorting with laughter. I nominate for Classics

I'm glad somebod enjoyed our ineptness

Once, in the middle of the deed, I went to sort of grab DH closer and somehow managed to poke him right in both eyes. Really hard, as well!

DH takes it as a point of pride that he carried on through the pain and tears and blurred vision.

So I discovered last night that DP has ticklish balls. Apparently that did nothing to help him along the way? 😂

Not sure why I put a ? there...

I read something on here once about champagne blowjobs. I don't drink champagne but i did have a can of cream soda to hand.

Apparently the bubbles are quite a lot bigger and less gentle than champagne on the unlucky receiver of the cream soda blowie.

I also tried the lauded grapefruit technique but I hate grapefruit and apparently it stung a bit, so not very pleasant for either of us!

Not long after my now husband and I got together we had an amazing weekend spent in bed, until he noticed the ball from his labret piercing was missing After a long search we decided it must be in me Thankfully we found it the next day - and it wasn't inside me!

The dog jumped on the bed and licked his bumhole.
Whilst giving him a blowjob I felt a sneeze coming on and tried to stop it and ended up biting his knob. There was blood and everything.
With an ex, we came in from the pub and he suddenly got very amourous. He lifted me up onto the window sill while pushing against me. Unfortunately the window wasn't locked and I started to tumble out.
It was a third floor apartas well.

Apartment

With XH, I tried a sexy thing I'd heard about where you pour champagne between your boobs, let it run down your body and into his mouth while you sit on his face

Half a glass of champagne in the eyes is not an aphrodisiac, apparently.

I'm dying laughing at some of these. Has nobody knocked their partner out then?
When I was a few months into a relationship with DP I accidentally elbowed him in the head and he was out for a few seconds. Mortified! We're still together 6 years later

He carried on..

Told him he had a visible bogey just as he was getting going. He was quite upset actually

Dying laughing at these, especially the crisps and cream soda blowjob

I once tried talking dirty to DP and he told me to shush I musn't have been very good at it!