To ask things you have done to ruin "the mood" with your partner?

[BowieFan]

Apparently me moaning about the colour of our ceiling when DP was kissing me was not very romantic, according to DP.

What mistakes have you made that killed the mood stone dead?

DP once started eating a big bag of crisps in the middle of me giving him a blow job. I don't even know where they came from confused. This was about 5 years ago now and we still laugh at it when we talk about blow jobs 😂

Got to try that and see the reaction.

DP has just reminded me of the time he said he was going to do the helicopter trick and I said (not thinking) "Hang on, let me put my glasses on"

DP once started doing a crossword when I went down on him. It's a wonder we've been together so long.

Oh and once we were on holiday and trying to go at it on the water bed we had. We must've been too rough because there was a big shift of water and we flew off the bed together. DP was convinced he'd broken his cock. (He hadn't.)

Our pets seem to be masters of interrupting us. They sleep at the foot of our bed (yes, three cats and two dogs) so they sit waiting at the door when we've locked them out, waiting for us to finish. They definitely know what we're up to. The funniest occasion was our cat not really understanding what we were doing and deciding to take it upon herself to defend me from DP and there were claws everywhere. Poor DP.

Picked up my phone to log it on Fertility Friend before we'd finished.

Apparently, the first time DH and I got down to it I said "Hop on then". I only found this out recently, but it sounds like me.

Some of these are very funny!

Tbf this wasn't my fault but the sound of a cat noisily throwing up (thankfully on the other side of the door) was a bit of a passion killer...

Lived in a studio flat with my cat. Having sex with my then boyfriend when suddenly a heinous smell of cat shit permeates our nostrils. We had to stop for me to get rid of it and open the windows.
I once flung my leg sexily over the bloke I was with and whacked my foot on the radiator, cutting it quite deeply on the sharp corner. I carried on because I was drunk, next morning, blood everywhere

I giggle when if I queef.

I once zoned out totally and was apparently watching 'A Touch Of Frost'... I think I was just looking at the general direction of the TV, but whatever

That would make a good user name, Jellibelli

As would 'I queef when I giggle'.

Queef giggles, hairy shorts and crisp eating have me snorting my cup of tea out through my nose in a very sexy way 😂😂😂 can't even read them out to dp as kidaroos are about!!

A slightly gross one but DP once had a loose filling. We were enjoying a bit of sexy time and he suddenly realised he'd lost the filling completely. Cue us crawling around the floor trying to find it because if it wasn't there the only place it could be was inside me...

We found it in the chewing gum on his bedside table, so all was fine. Just imagine if I'd have had to go to the hospital to say "Yes, the problem is DP lost his filling when he was going down on me..." We'd have definitely ended up in the paper!

Ive got a few but that still makes me chuckle.

We were kissing and my wife was playing with my balls when she suddenly pulled away and said'bollocks, i forgot to get the balloons for the kids party'

I think my reply was along the lines of at least my bollocks had been of some use!

Not long ago i couldnt take my eyes off a very prominent grey pube. Upon telling my wife she said, fuck that means we are now officially too old to have sex!

Oh I've a other one. Not me, from my Nan, as it goes, because she's far too open about her sexual exploits.
My grandfather sadly died quite suddenly. He went in for something routine, they found he had the cancer of the everywhere (I was 13 at the time and I don't remember details, I was told this story much later) and died after a fortnight in hospital.
When he was neat and he end, and they were considering hospice care, a nurse opened the curtains to find my Nanny with her mouth rather full.
She tells this story laughing now, she says she wanted to do it one more time because Grandad would never get another blowjob. I pity the nurse.

Indulging in some mutual masturbation when the tv left on in the background suddenly starts playing the William Tell overture with me unconsciously matching the pace.
I still laugh when I hear it now.

My wife saying to me one time, look are you putting it in or what!

There was a time the early days, we'd been out partying and she was working her way down to give me a blow job. Not only was I totally flacid, I was also fast asleep

When dd was about 3 we went on holiday. Had a 2 bed apartment. Settled her down with dvd player in her room and waited until she was asleep to have quiet sex. It was quiet I promise. A few giggles and the occasional quiet gasp. Bed was slightly squeaky but not horrendously.

Was just laying back in a post shag glow when a little, cross sounding voice calls out 'if you 2 have quite finished some of us are trying to sleep in here'.

Was mortified.

I fell asleep. Relatively new relationship so still in the plenty of sex stage. We'd been up most of the night but had a long lazy lie in and a shower so I felt quite awake. Started, then wanted to change position. I "dismounted" so to speak then laid down. The next thing I know he's very gently shaking me and asking if I wish to continue with planned activities or should he take himself to the bathroom? I woke up then and carried on, amazingly!

Many years ago I had some psoriasis on my manhood .
Once during a rather long hard session I pulled out to change possition to see blood everywhere.
My then partner said that she wasn't due on for another two weeks so we both looked at Mr.Winkie to find the skin had torn all the way round in sevetal places.
To say the mood died is putting it mildly

What's the "helicopter trick"? And "queef"?

Oh god, my husband and I are in pieces at the 'bag of crisps' story. The comic timing of 'I don't even know where they came from' is fabulous.

From the Internet

A queef is the sound a vagina makes when it sucks in a bunch of air for no reason, and then blows it back out. This sound is loud, disruptive, and often vibrates. Unlike farts, queefs are irrepressible.

Glad you all appreciate the crisps story. DP is absolutely mortified I have posted this on here haha

In all fairness we were both quite drunk, I thought it was hilarious (even at the time) and he seemed to enjoy it all the more for it 😂