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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to rehome our bloody miserable cat?

149 replies

user1473509591 · 21/10/2016 18:25

Okay so he's 5, and he's just an awful, kid hating cat. It's not so bad during the summer, he's perfectly happy to spend days at a time sleeping outside and just coming home for food. But during winter, obviously, he wants to come in more. Now, my kids are 2 and 5 and are naturally curious. They're not rough (although my eldest used to be which is probably why he's quite cautious of kids now) but the kids just have to walk past him and they end up being scratched. Our house is tiny, we've set up a little bed at the top of the stairs separated by a gate for him but the stupid effing thing insists on trying to sleep in the living room, the busiest room in the house. I can't be sympathetic if he's going to be a bloody idiot. He cant sleep in our room because I'm mildly allergic to cat hair, and I don't want him in the kids room. I don't really know what to do with him, he really doesn't seem to suit a house with young children but whenever I even consider rehoming him it's met with outcry from family and friends. I had to give our dog to my mum when our daughter was about 9 months old because she would just pee everywhere and would nip and growl at my daughter when she started moving so I think they just think I'm crap with pets when in reality, the only reason why he's still here is because I won't give him to just anyone!

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sueelleker · 21/10/2016 19:37

My Mum's Siamese did that to me, and I never hurt him in my life. It's just the way he was.

Nickname1980 · 21/10/2016 19:38

Op- you're not being unreasonable. I just rehomed our pet for similar reasons. I felt guilty, wanted to make sure they went to the right place, but pet just didn't get on with little kids (got pet before kids).

Pet is really happy now, I'm in touch with the new owner (a sweet little old lady cliche ☺️), kids don't miss the pet at all and neither do I much! But I didn't know her personally before I rehomed pet with her. I found her through an amazing pet charity who are incredibly thorough in their vetting process, and the new owner lives nearby. I met another interested owner before I met pet's eventual, so was able to choose where pet would be happiest. (Other interested people were a family so I decided they weren't quite right.)

I know it's not a popular thing to say to pet rehoming charities, but your kids/ family life come first. And your pet will be happy with someone without small ones - as mine is.

HoleyMoley2016 · 21/10/2016 19:38

I think the cat needs to associate the kids with something positive. Could they help feed him? It's a great chore for a five year old. Even the two year old could feed him yummy treats. Try sitting down for the story with the cat on one side of you and let a child sit on the other. Lots of happy gentle strokes for the cat. The cat needs to realise the kids are no longer a threat to him. That said if he scratches a child unprovoked he'd get an almighty hiss from me.

heron98 · 21/10/2016 19:39

Our cat was like this growing up. You couldn't even go near her and she would attack with claws and teeth. I don't know why, perhaps some trauma as a kitten. it really put me off having pets and I haven't had one since.

lljkk · 21/10/2016 19:41

Light hearted bypasses 2nite.

Um, could you be sure to find him a happier home, User147? That might be best. In meantime, is there any safe space you could create for him indoors that is less hazardous 4 all?

One of my cats is an idiot. We have love bombed him into being less miserable, but that has taken yrs of bloody mindedness on our part.

Nickname1980 · 21/10/2016 19:41

(Just to add: I didn't give my pet to the charity, they just vetted the prospective homes and advertised him for me. He stayed with me until a suitable home was found, which was exactly what I wanted!)

InformalRoman · 21/10/2016 19:45

Has he been neutered now?

Cats can just take a dislike to people - it doesn't make you a bad owner. Our old cat liked everyone (including babies and small children - she particularly liked bath and story time) except postmen. No idea why - but she would savage them given half a chance.

Draylon · 21/10/2016 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Losingtheplod · 21/10/2016 19:47

YANBU, our very friendly cat, runs and hides when there is more than one child in the house. It sounds like in your house, there is nowhere to hide, which is not fair on the cat or the kids. I suspect the cat will be a lot happier if you can find her a quieter home.

user1473509591 · 21/10/2016 19:50

I grew up with cats too. There was only 1 who we couldn't tame and he only became cuddly in his senior years. My cat is lovely with adults and even older kid (and yes he's been castrated now, it was one of the first things I did when he ended up with me), he's certainty not a hissy attitudy cat. He just doesn't like my kids 😂

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user1473509591 · 21/10/2016 19:53

Kids are in bed so he's all nice and calm. He's honestly such a jekyll and Hyde cat!

To want to rehome our bloody miserable cat?
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BowieFan · 21/10/2016 19:57

I don't blame your bloody cat for being miserable. I'd hate living with you! Please rehome your pets to someone who can look after them properly and give them the love and attention they deserve and don't ever get any more pets.

Crawlingupthewalls · 21/10/2016 20:01

Feliway is great. Someone who knows more about it will come along and explain properly I'm sure, but it's a spray or diffuser that has some magic cat relaxing properties.

halftermyay · 21/10/2016 20:06

Ah he's gorgeous, I love black cats, I have two black ones and one other. Really can't understand why black cats are overlooked...

haven't read it all sorry but cats will sleep where they want to sleep not where you want! Difficult with young children I know as I've had cats all my life and generally cats don't like young children.

When dd1 was born one of the cats I had tried to sleep in all of her things. Car seat, Moses basket, pram etc not while she was in it!!

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 21/10/2016 20:06

just get rid of the cat and don't get anymore animals. If you can't put up with them pissing you shouldn't have an animal (and this is coming from someone who's cat pisses in places since having dd)

DixieWishbone · 21/10/2016 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Konyaa · 21/10/2016 20:07

Please regime your cat responsibly ie not on online crapsites.

Then , please never get another pet.

Konyaa · 21/10/2016 20:08

Regime = rehome

yesterdaysunshine · 21/10/2016 20:08

Omg I love him. Please keep him!

flopsypopsymopsy · 21/10/2016 20:09

He needs somewhere he can go to get away from the children, preferably high up.

Our cat lived with children and had his bed at the top of the stairs. Before he was rehomed, the rescue centre told his owners to move his bed to a place where he wouldn't be disturbed. He had obviously been poked and prodded a bit too much as he used to bite me all the time when we first got him. He's completely chilled now and a lovely cat.

Try the above and if it doesn't work then I would seriously think about rehoming him. He doesn't sound at all happy which is a shame.

MadameMaxGoesler · 21/10/2016 20:14

Have you considered rehoming the children? Grin

Beeziekn33ze · 21/10/2016 20:15

Friends, from the beginning, never punished their cat should it hurt their children but always punished the children if they hurt the cat. It worked. I don't know how old the children were when they first met the cat.

WombOfOnesOwn · 21/10/2016 20:15

If the issue is the walk-by scratching, have you considered claw capping the cat in the winter when this is a problem? I wouldn't rehome an animal if I knew the animal was good as dead -- honestly, I'd prefer to take the responsibility for putting the animal down if I couldn't find a specific friend or trusted person to rehome to.

There are definitely ways to make it so kitty doesn't scratch. My cats loathe claw caps, but after three or four rounds with them, they figured out that it meant they shouldn't scratch up the furniture -- we haven't had to use them since. Kinder by far than a declawing operation, that's for sure.

ocelot41 · 21/10/2016 20:17

I would try cat shelves and if that doesn't work, rehome. Your kids are so little and should be able to play without getting scratched. The cat is obviously stressed and not enjoying living with small children. I think some of the comments you have had here are BVU

user1473509591 · 21/10/2016 20:18

I feel quite sad that I'm still being slated, even though I've explained the situation further - I didn't 'get' him, he was pushed on me. In fact so was my dog, she was abandoned by an ex's new girlfriend after they split, and I offered to look after her temporarily and it ended up being less temporary - but I absolutely adored her, she was my baby before I had a baby. Shes a little Yorkie and we did everything together. But as my daughter got older and more mobile she started growling and yapping and nipping, and yeah okay she was a little dog but I still didn't want to risk it when she was obviously so jealous. The final straw came when she nipped my daughters hand hard enough to draw blood... I tried introducing them slowly and calmly, still showing my dog as much affection as before, but she was just very territorial of me. She's much happier at my mums, where my younger sisters lived too, and she gets all the attention she deserves and I still see her often.
In regards to my cat, I'm just trying to do what's best. He's not mistreated in any way, and I will try the suggestions such as getting somewhere higher for him to sleep away from the children. I'm not a bad person, nor do I hate animals.

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