My 12 year old DD shouldn't have to be subject to sexism and unwanted male attention so frequently

[crispandcheesesanwichplease]

This post has arisen from a discussion on an earlier thread about single sex v co-ed schools.

My 12 year old DD frequently gets called a slag or slut by boys at school. This is for little things like being in someone's way in the corridor. The boys at school regularly rate the girls on their 'fitness' in public and comment about their breasts. Some of the girls, including my DD, keep their sweatshirts on in school even when it's really hot to stop boys from commenting on their breasts.

I regularly see adult men eyeing her up when we're out and about (first time was when she was 9). She's a normal, young for her age, 12 year old. She doesn't wear any make up or clothing that could make her look older her look older. She's not particularly well developed physically for her age. She just look likes a kid.

She said she feels like a piece of meat sometimes and the boys at school only rate girls in terms of their physical appearance and 'sexiness'.

I consider myself to be a feminist and have raised her to think critically about gender stereotypes but despite this she thinks it's just something that she must endure, particularly at school.

I've contacted some other mums of girls who attend the same school to find out their experiences and am seriously thinking about approaching school when I have a fuller picture.

Is this awful culture of sexism and hypersexualised behaviour standard in secondary schools these days?

Any teachers/school staff out there with advice on how such a culture can be changed in schools?

Crisp your dd sounds amazing sorry for all t swearing on the thread!

I was at a mixed school in the 80's. As for a pp saying about "these days". It was just as bad in those days way before the availability of prolific media and online porn. Groping boobs and crotch area, name calling... and I mean equally disgusting names including whore. It happened to the more well developed girls of which I was not a member. And I was much relieved when I was groped finally aged 15 maybe . My brother went to the same school. He used an acronym for me, which included bald minge and flat tits (ironic as we both got pubes at the same time, him being 2 yrs older). So I got it at home as well as at school. And he made me believe I was totally undesirable, hence my "relief" at finally being groped.

Disgusting, disgusting op. I felt like an inferior cut of meat. I'm glad you intend to address this. No child should have to put up with such bullying.

I have to add one of my sons did bar work through uni and was constantly harassed and flirted with by groups of middle aged women.

This was laughter off by the managers in a way that wouldn't be if he had been a girl.

It's not all one way and we need to remember that.

Perhaps this is your personal experience but sooooo not true. When I was 19 in the late 80's I worked in one of the roughest pubs in town and the management was appalling and harassment was the norm. It was full of drunk middle aged/old men with a smattering of women. Some of the punters were disgusting. My reactions to the punters had to be appropriate to keep me safe so I remember laughing at one beer bellied drunk, who told me he'd put chewing gum on the end of his dick and fuck me so hard that I'd have chewing gum in my mouth. It was foul and the only way to protect myself was to be equally "tough" The manageress also stole my wages to sub one of the punters and I was too scared to get it back. I left after 2 months or so as I only worked there through the summer holidays before heading back to university.

I was over 18, and had a choice whether or not to be there. As did your son. The circumstances were so very different from being a 12 year old forced to attend a school, where sexual harassment is the norm. Looking back, I would not want what happened to me to happen to my dd or anyone else's ds. Much as I'm equally appalled by these women, I do think I was in far more danger of being sexually assaulted or raped than your son once my shift finished at 11.30 pm and I headed home by myself. I do understand your upset and disgust, but it's a bar where some people go to be obnoxious and get drunk. Clearly, in this bar as in the pub where I worked, harassment of young adults is deemed fine.

It is disgusting. In my first week of secondary I had a boy tell me he was going to stick himself up my rear, only in much cruder and more detailed terms. I had no idea what to make of it, or do, so I didn't tell anyone, but it made me feel sick to my stomach. Even though I was classed as a "minger" I still got called a slut, bra pinged, told I wasn't worth having, etc. I agree with PP, it makes you feel like inferior meat, and after that first comment and a few others I never wanted to be around boys.

I posted this yesterday www.thegreatinitiative.org.uk/great-advocacy/great-men/ but had to dash without explaining. It's a brilliant project that goes into schools ( mainly London area at the moment) They specifically tackle boys on this kind of behaviour and why it's wrong. It's facilitated by young men who are trained volunteers. If you have children at a secondary school where this type of behaviour is occurring, show it to the head! There actually are organisations out there that will come into schools to help.

Pandakin that is so shit, I really think we women need to get ANGRY about all this. I do Taekwan-do and I really love all the kicking and stuff. I have no idea how I would 'handle' myself in any kind of confrontation but I must admit it has increased my confidence. The class is mixed sex and the men and women are all required to be very polite to each other. It does very much increase confidence. (for me at least).

AS well as empowering men and young men to resist toxic masculinity, where are the organisations empowering women to confront (safely) this kind of toxic masculinity?

Women and girls I mean.

That's so horrible. I went to a single sex school (1980s) and there was enough angst without that kind of shit. Unimaginable.

I worry for my nearly 12 year old dd and brings back memories of being so embarrassed at that age when wolf whistled or shouted at. I was at a single sex school but harassed on way to school and at a part time job. I was so shy I just put up with it. I really want my dd to have the confidence to tell them to fuck off. Def need class discussion as to what's acceptable. I'm teaching my 10 year old Son and so far he has a clear understanding despite the messages he already has been exposed to.