To think artificially prolonging childhood isn't about the children but the adults

[onlythedaze]

I suppose I am wondering about this as Christmas is once more upon us and parents go to great lengths to convince their preteen children that Father Christmas exists when normally they would naturally be coming to that realisation alone.

AIBU to think parents should let children discover the world themselves and not enforce beliefs?

My parents keep up the Santa tradition with me and my sister and we're 36 and 34!

Agree Rosa.

Also if someone does mention phrases like keeping the magic alive, they are not necessarily weeping, gnashing their teeth and whispering Santa is real santa into their sleeping children's ears.

Some parents may be genuinely upset and try to prolong the santa myth but so what? It shows they have fantastic childhood memories and are sad that phase has ended for their kids. That's OK, they're feelings we all have about aspects of childhood as our children grow. Santa wasn't a big thing in my childhood and the main part of my kids Christmases, so of course I won't understand that disappointment.

Can I ask a totally genuinely and non-goady question please?

I grew up in a very multi-cultural city (NY). My parents didn't 'do' FC and I cannot really remember anyhow who did, in a big way. I mean, sure we knew who FC was and went to see Santa's grotto at the local mall etc, but I don't know any children who honest-to-goodness believed he was literally real.

This was in large part, in retrospect, due to the fact that my school was about 30% Jewish and there were children of other faiths there too. So when a large proportion of your friends don't even celebrate Christmas and don't get presents, it was probably more comfortable to frame FC as a tradition that some people celebrate rather than a real thing iyswim.

So.............after the essay..........the question!

What do you do if celebrate FC and live in a place where there are people who don't? I always see MNers saying things like they would be pissed off if parents at the school 'let' their DC say there is no FC. But surely if you live in a majority Muslim neighbourhood or anywhere that is not rural East Anglia your children are just going to meet people for whom FC isn't even a thing?

I know families where there is no Santa, and families where that fiction is assiduously maintained. As far as I can see, there is no difference at all between the levels of excitement and 'magic' experienced by the children in either type of household. No-one is being deprived of anything, and no-one is being damaged by the fiction either. Can't we just all accept that different families do this differently, and that it doesn't really matter?

I suppose we all celebrate what we choose to in our own little bubble, it's not all about school and the community.

I remember when dd's Chinese friend's tooth fell out, and she emerged from school with it in the "tooth bag". I said, "Oh, lucky you, the Tooth Fairy will be calling tonight, then!" Upon which her mother replies, "The tooth fairy is an artificial construct designed to distract children from what they may see as a trauma." True, but

I know what you mean OP

Lots of my friends 11/12 year olds still believe! (Small village life, mass conspiracy )

We came from another country when DS1 was 7, so he had never "believed", so we were avoided around Christmas, and I have had to tell DS to keep quiet. Proud to say henever spoiled it for anyone.

But with certain kids at secondary now,I wonder can they really keep up the pretence ?!

All the Muslims I know do Christmas and FC. So that's not an issue.

Our kids have always known that we buy the presents, santa delivers. Santa isn't a huge deal here, he doesn't punish by not giving presents etc. Neither of my kids have ever come home saying 'xx said santa isn't real'. If they did I would ask then what they think

In our house santa is a tradition really, not a real person and dd loves being part of the other side of it, by putting mince pies out etc.

I think Christmas is magic. Not actually magic, but there is something wonderful about Christmas eve in our house and our santa traditions are part of it.

On Christmas Eve we all prep the dinner together, make mince pie so they are fresh for me santa, have the santa tracker on, watch movies and have a special dinner.

That doesn't dissappear because kids realise santa isn't real.

My near twelve year old let slip last year that he doesn't believe anymore, but still joins in because it's fun. Surely that's what it's all about?

My mum does us all stockings from Santa. When discussing what time we should come over to hers, we've always asked if Santa has been yet. I imagine it'll be the same in reverse this year as we are hosting!

My kids are teens,and of course know Santa isnt real.But they still leave out mince pie,he still leaves presents,I had Santa come until I left home at 23

In the case of Muslim/Jewish/other families, if young children asked why FC doesn't come to them, you could always say it was because they don't believe in him.

Someone told my dd when she was only 5 that there was no FC. (she didn't believe in 'telling lies' to her kids.).
I told dd that she had probably been so naughty when she was little that FC never came, so no wonder she didn't believe in him.

Worked fine at 5, thank goodness - I was so mad with the killjoy bitch, though.

Jeez I'm 27 with my own baby this year and my mum asked me if I was coming for my Christmas stocking from Santa

I know I believed in Santa up to 10 but I think that was cos my parents did it so well! I wasn't disappointed and kept up the pretense for years as my little sister was 1 when I found out.

Now living in a Muslim country and they all seem to do Christmas - tree lighting ceremonies, visiting Santa so I'm not sure if living in a multicultural place impacts much

Children stop believing a long time before they let on to their parents

Not always.

I still believed (fervently) when I was 10.

My parents were and thought I was just pretending to believe for the presents, but I wasn't.

I was very open about my beliefs with my peers and ignored their mockery.

Of COURSE Santa exists! He lives in Lapland! I met him there when I was travelling in Finland when I was 18.

What are you all talking about

When I told my childminder that my DD started doubting Santa (and she doesn't believe at all anymore), she was totally horrified and started a campaign to "turn her".
I had a massive WTF moment when DD was coming back from her CM telling me about yet another Santa movie she watched there.
Needless to say, my DD is rather pragmatic about her presents and doesn't really connect "the magic of Christmas" with presents. It's about us being together, baking gingerbread and cookies and lazying around a bit for her.

My 13 year old has made no pretence of still believing for years but doesn't spoil things for his little brother who's 8 and, to my surprise, either still believes or makes a very good show of going along with it. We now have a 3 month old too so I suppose Santa will not be leaving us just yet.....
As an aside, I've never done the elf on the shelf thing (too lazy) but I did tell my children that Santa could watch them through the burglar alarm sensors! This worked wonders for getting them to finish their meals/go to bed on time in the run up to Christmas.

We lived in a Muslim country (Oman) for many years, and there was lots of Christmassy stuff in the hotels. Many of the locals enjoyed the decorations and whatnot - I was teaching English to mostly young males and they certainly did.

Dds were at the English speaking school, and one year Father Christmas came to school on a camel - a ceremonial one kindly lent by the Royal Oman Police. He told the kids he'd had to leave his reindeer at the airport because they didn't like the sand!

It was a very friendly, tolerant place - I know it was a whole different ball game in Saudi, though, where I was told you couldn't buy Christmas cards, let alone anything like a tree.

Dd1 said to me when she was about 9 "I know Santa isn't real you know but I don't think Daddy does so we'd better carry on pretending so as not to upset him" She is 23 now and still leaves out her stocking for Santa to fill.

If this is about Father Christmas then yanbu.

However there's a broader question about childhood innocence and what we expose our children too - I think some parents are too quick to have their children grow up.

"I know Santa isn't real you know but I don't think Daddy does so we'd better carry on pretending so as not to upset him"

😂😂😂😂😂

Is it any different from putting up a tree and greenery so that the winter spirits have somewhere warm to live for the 12 (very cold) days of Christma? We mostly all do it, even if we no longer remember why we do it. And we certainly don't believe in the winter spirits nor their anger if we forget to set them free by taking down the tree/decorations on 12th night.

Mine will all 4 be teenagers this Christmas.

They all " play along" with Father Christmas existing. However also all 4 will come to me and say " mum I found a good stocking present for xx"

My 14 year old son gave me the eye in the shop last year when he asked " Was this where you got the present little sister got in her stocking last year?"
I responded " Father Christmas got it"
Looking at me he goes " seriously mum?"
I responded " Father Christmas got it"
He looks at the person at the till (I would estimate 30) who gave him a big smile and said
"Everyone knows father Christmas brings stocking presents"

He groaned then laughed and said " OK did " making air quotes" father Christmas get it here?" Laughed and responded " yes"

He goes " Was that so hard then?" and gave me one of those little side ways almost hugs teenage boys do.

I very much used the " Father Christmas himself is not real but what he stands for. being loving and giving and kind to one another. That is real and it lives inside all of us"

My children all enjoy Christmas.

I hope to prolong it as long as possible.

But I have no intention of trying to make it happen or of actually lying at this stage - if DD (almost 11) asks, I will answer pretty truthfully, but still about the magic of Christmas etc.

But we will still have fun and magic even when its obvious that there is no more FC visiting. DD is an only child so no one to keep up the pretence for (DH and I are both the eldests, so did have that).

However, while there may not be a specific big present in the mornings once it is accepted openly (we know she knows, and we think that she knows that we know she doesn't believe anymore - this year was a much more obvious request for things than last year!). But I still intend to do a stocking for her every year, with fruit, a book, sweets and some fun stuff. The difference will be that I can finally start doing the stockings for DH and I that I have planned for years too!!

The idea will be that anyone in the household can put things into any stocking, and we all have some fun bits on Christmas morning.

We always had a present from us under the tree with presents from everyone else, which get opened much later in the day. And things evolve as DCs grow, but that doesn't mean that it's not still magical - just in a different way!

I certainly know parents who make elaborate pretences to keep their children believing, who are up in arms at any mention that someone might "spoil" it for them, and adults who started secondary school believing - genuinely believing - usually those who were younger in attitude and somewhat naive.

It's a bit of a minefield if you are involved in any work with younger children as there is bound to be one at some point who asks you and how old do they have to be before you are allowed to say "well what do you think?" without having a horde of angry parents on you like a tonne of bricks!

My mum still swears blind to me, in my 30s, that Santa is utterly real.

I really don't see the harm, I obviously worked it out when I was about 7 but humour her to this day.

It's a game. Quite a fun game. And it's been a game since I was about 6 and pretended to be asleep one Christmas night when my mum Santa crept in with my stocking. One year when I was still a student, the stockings got forgotten, so I left a little note from the Chief Elf saying Santa had been stopped by the police for being drunk in charge of a sleigh. (The stockings were opened a bit late that year).