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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To fake a letter from the council?

84 replies

BrumBrumBishes · 19/10/2016 07:24

Have 4 children. 3 boys in one room. From 6 am (sometimes 5.30am) they wake up shout, bicker, squabble.
Scare each other. Chase each other.

"Get out of my bed!"
"I'm telling mum!!"
"That's mine!"
....que tears .

I'm sick to death of it. Seriously.

I don't know what to do. I've lost my temper so many times because my wake up call everyday is a barrage of noise and fighting.

AIBU to fake a letter from the council about noise pollution or a complaint from a neigbour saying they have to stop all the noises in the morning or we will be evicted?

I don't know what else to do. It's really upsetting me.

My mental health is already in decline for other reasons and this is just making me hate waking up.

OP posts:
LIZS · 19/10/2016 08:30

Agree the routine needs to change. Give each a list of tasks to do and separate them as much as possible. Depending on age one could hear another read, tests spellings etc or help dress and get ready. If you are about to go on half term try a new regime after. Maybe a reward scheme (marble jar?) for each would work better than removing stuff. Also no tv etc before school.

puglife15 · 19/10/2016 08:32

Don't fake the letter! If it doesn't work, what will you do then - pretend you've been evicted?

Have you read "how to talk so kids will listen"? There's a section in there on problem solving where you come with a solution together. Assuming you've not tried that yet, I think it's worth a shot. The premise is that you effectively brainstorm solutions to the problem then narrow it down, together, to one you're all happy with.

yesterdaysunshine · 19/10/2016 08:32

Three in a bedroom is a bit cramped.

I think I'd be looking at how to utilise the space you've got in all honesty. I'm not trying to be difficult, but essentially the kids are 'saying' they are unhappy with the situation.

AChickenCalledKorma · 19/10/2016 08:38

I think the idea of losing their home would cause a huge amount of underlying anxiety and stress, which could actually make their behaviour worse.

BoffinMum · 19/10/2016 08:39

I think you need to look at the space in your house and make sure each person has enough, even if this means swapping a living room over to make a bigger bedroom or something. Or change the beds so they are a bit more self-contained with curtains around them, or something.

BoffinMum · 19/10/2016 08:41

Yesterday, when I was at boarding school they rammed three of four of us into rooms that had been double bedrooms in a Victorian house in years gone by, so it can be done. Obviously we didn't dare kick off because we weren't at home and there were dreadful sanctions, like having to get up an hour early etc.

drinkingtea · 19/10/2016 08:46

Scandalous idea on MN where getting up before 7am seems to be a crime worse than murder, especially if you are under 18, but if it is the noise and fighting bringing you down- disturbing and upsetting you that is the sole issue )not that the boys are sleep deprived= could they just get up, go downstairs, make breakfast, get everything ready to leave for school on a school day, then watch TV.

There could even be a rule that if they stay silent in bed til 6am they are allowed to get up and go downstairs at 6am, if you are worried that getting up time will creep earlier and earlier if they are allowed to leave their room.

Unless they are all under 4 or something of course.

OnchaoFerngrass · 19/10/2016 08:47

Get up when they start and use the useful phrase "If you can't play quietly, then I can give you something to do."

Either they start playing quietly or you get the washing sorted and windows cleaned all before 7 am :)

drinkingtea · 19/10/2016 08:49

I see it isnt so scandalous as Jokers already suggested the same actually!

pipsqueak25 · 19/10/2016 08:50

is it possible to speak to the council about a possible move or swoping with someone [presume you are council tenant.
i think you need to get your mental health in order to help you cope better, have a chat with gp. is there family / partner support available ?
faking things won't help anyone tbh, you need to tell it as it is. how old are the dc ? would it be possible to get them on board for a morning rota do do breakfast, watch tv quietly for a set time etc,
don't get worried that you aren't able to cope, you will be able to but you need mental support first and fore most. if mum isn't happy the kids will pick up on it, shouting never helps it shows loss of control so you need to work on staying calm as much as possible when speaking with them.
you say they are great kids, good at school etc so that is positive, re-enforce your thinking with that aspect and look at the fact the bedroom space needs to have its own 'personal areas' ie my bunk bed, my area.
i had four boys in one room so i know what you are saying, it is hard but you need to get everyone on board, gentliy but firmly. make the rules - get them involved too and then encourage from there, be consistant as soon as you show you aren't consistant they will act on it,
you're doing your best, it is hard especially if you are on your own, but you will all get there. Flowers

ShowMeTheElf · 19/10/2016 08:53

What is their favourite breakfast?
I broke the cycle with my noisy early risers by saying that 2 days quiet until 7am and they would get French toast. It meant that every third day for a few weeks I had to be up, showered, dressed and cooking by 6.45 but it was worth it overall just to break the habit.
Now they are teens I can't get them out of bed!

HazelBite · 19/10/2016 09:11

You need to change their morning routine or send them to bed later in the hope that they will wake up later.
Why not allow the oldest one to go downstairs at a certain time (give them a clock in their room)
When we moved house I had 4 boys all in one room for 18 months, the youngest 2 would get up first and were allowed downstairs to watch TV or whatever providing they were quiet.
I think splitting them up as soon as they wake is probably your answer, find out who wakes first so that they can go somewhere else.

BakeOffBiscuits · 19/10/2016 09:14

How old are they?

Fidelia · 19/10/2016 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCompanyOfCats · 19/10/2016 09:19

Do it if you think it will help.

My parents made me write a letter to the 'police' once to explain something naughty I'd done. It did work, I thought I was going to jail but obviously, my parents just threw it in the bin or suchlike.

expatinscotland · 19/10/2016 09:23

I'd give up my own bedroom and split them up.

AndieNZ · 19/10/2016 09:25

Do it!!

We once had a spell where our teenage boys would be in such a rush to get out in the mornings they would forget to lock the front door on the occasions where they would be the last to leave the house. They also would leave bedroom windows wide open too. We lived in NZ and in an open plan bungalow style house so obviously wide open bedroom windows on a ground floor just asking to be burgled. We were all at work all day every day of the week and I would be on pins at work. We just couldn't drum it in to them.

One day the last teenager to leave forgot to shut the front door...yes shut. Not lock but shut!! and he left it wide open! On that day, the postman delivered a parcel and walked right in and propped it up against the sofa! the layout of the house was the sliding ranch slider doors led straight to the living room.

So one day DH and I decided to take drastic action and faked a burglary! Yes we went to those extremes and staged it perfectly so it was realistic. They were mortified.

It did the job. They never left doors open/unlocked again.

NapQueen · 19/10/2016 09:29

If they have already had their stuff taken they've got no reason to be good today in the here and now.

I'd suggest saying for each evening they mess around they lose TV after breakfast time. Then they have the chance to earn it each day. Same with the I pad. Messing round loses it for the next 24 hours then they get it back.

MimsyPimsy · 19/10/2016 09:35

I would spend a week getting up just before them, and as soon as I heard them, I'd rush in, say I'm glad I heard that you're up, then set them on a task. Eg leave a load of washing up in the sink, vacuuming etc. Be very cheerful and vigorous. Then, hopefully, they'll soon learn they need to be quiet to avoid having to do anything. (It worked with mine, anyway!)

Original poster
BrumBrumBishes · 19/10/2016 09:35

And where would I sleep expat? [Hmm]

I have no spare living room to make into a bedroom. Its 3 very small bedrooms. 1 small living room small kitchen.

Most houses round here are the same and it's a popular area so waiting times to be rehoused are very long. Its near both schools and I don't drive so I can't move.

I doubt I would be given anything bigger as most houses are terraced and I'm not entitled to more rooms.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrumBrumBishes · 19/10/2016 09:37

I think I will ask the school for help as they do tend to listen to the school rather than me.

Thanks for the ideas x

OP posts:
MidsummersNight · 19/10/2016 09:38

How did you end up having 4 kids with not enough room for them all?

(Sounds arsey, it's absolutely not, just a question)

OwlinaTree · 19/10/2016 09:47

Could they have their tablets in the morning so they can go on those quietly?

MiaowTheCat · 19/10/2016 09:48

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user1476781406 · 19/10/2016 09:49

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