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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let DD go to this birthday party?

64 replies

Edma · 17/10/2016 20:13

Her friend invited 4 friends for her birthday, including DD. The other three are also invited to sleep over. Not DD. They're 10.
DD wants to go. We think it's cruel.

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 17/10/2016 20:14

If she wants to go I'd let her.

FetchezLaVache · 17/10/2016 20:15

YANBU!! That really is cruel. Imagine your poor DD when you go to pick her up and the others are all in their pyjamas, excited about their sleepover. :(

Dontpanicpyke · 17/10/2016 20:16

Wow so they left her out of the sleepover and she's the only one. Why?

mysistersimone · 17/10/2016 20:16

It is cruel. I you know the girls parents? Can you ask them why she's not invited to the sleepover? I'd need to know the reasoning.

Starlight2345 · 17/10/2016 20:19

Yes I would speak to mum... It sounds a little odd.

Selfimproved · 17/10/2016 20:20

Seems a but cruel, but does your daughter mind? Maybe she hates sleepovers and she has told her friends this? My DS1 had to be picked up from the last 2 in the night. We are now having a break from the sleepovers and he's happy to be picked up while others sleep over.
Maybe it's this and not a cruel game.

notangelinajolie · 17/10/2016 20:20

Nooooo! That is mean. I would not allow DD to go. If party girl's parents ask why you should tell them.

Original poster
Edma · 17/10/2016 20:23

Don't know the parents very well. Mum is a little odd. Not sure she likes us for some reason (only guessing, I have no idea). I don't want to ask.
DD says that birthday girl could invite 4 for the day but only 3 to sleep over.
DD got really upset when we said she couldn't go as apparently they've arranged a treasure hunt.
We think it's insulting to leave out 1 girl. if there were more than one, it would be more understandable.

OP posts:
Original poster
Edma · 17/10/2016 20:24

DD adores sleep over. It's her favourite thing in the world!

OP posts:
Graceflorrick · 17/10/2016 20:25

Oh, that's really awful. I would check with the mum as perhaps there's been some confusion?

Selfimproved · 17/10/2016 20:27

In that case, it's weird and perhaps cruel. I would either talk to the parent or just say no.
Sorry for your DD.

OutDamnedWind · 17/10/2016 20:29

I think I would speak to the parent in a 'DD is under the impression that she's not invited to sleepover, just wanted to check we haven't got wires crossed' and take it from there.

If indeed she isn't, YANBU, that is quite nasty.

OutDamnedWind · 17/10/2016 20:30

And as much as your DD wants to go now, how will she feel in the day when they're talking about what they'll do later on/when it's time for her to be picked up and they're planning what to do next?

Original poster
Edma · 17/10/2016 20:30

Thank you for confirming. I was genuinely wondering.
Have told DD we will do something else equally fun and she's just to turn down the invitation gracefully.
Some people are weird.

OP posts:
Original poster
Edma · 17/10/2016 20:33

OutDamnedWind this is what DH is trying to explain to DD.
I feel it's humiliating to even broach the subject with the mum.

OP posts:
agnesf · 17/10/2016 20:35

Maybe they just haven't got room for 4. At least she is invited to the party. This happened to my DD at this age - people round us have quite small houses. DD just accepted the explanation that only 3/4/5/ or whatever could stay

Showgirl109 · 17/10/2016 20:36

This happened to me at about 12 and I still remember it. I was so upset, I agree it's really humiliating. Seems a strange thing to do. Either do something else or speak to the parents. I suppose it's possible that they said only 3 as it's a sleepover and they didn't want her to be left out entirely and just have not thought it through.

Original poster
Edma · 17/10/2016 20:37

I would absolutely understand if there at least 2 not sleeping over. Just 1 is awful.

OP posts:
OutDamnedWind · 17/10/2016 20:38

Agreed OP, although I've always found the 'selected few to sleep over' after a party divisive and unpleasant. Have the sleepover in another day if they're desperate.

Charlie97 · 17/10/2016 20:42

Horrid!!! Yanbu don't let your DD be humiliated!

Original poster
Edma · 17/10/2016 20:44

Agreed OutDamnedWind Either you invite people, or you don't invite them. A half-invitation is mean. More understandable when there are a few getting only half-invited though.
It's not the end of the world. Must find something exciting to do on that day with DD.

OP posts:
Dancergirl · 17/10/2016 20:46

Maybe they just haven't got room for 4

Well you don't have that sort of party then. Have a sleepover with 2 or 3 guests or do something in the daytime for a bigger number of children.

Dontpanicpyke · 17/10/2016 20:48

Yes do something fun as a family. I wouldn't encourage this friendship as it sounds a mean set up and will only get worse.

Also it's important to show kids it's ok to turn down an invite if it doesn't suit.

Leeds2 · 17/10/2016 21:06

I wouldn't want to put my daughter through that.

EweAreHere · 17/10/2016 21:13

That's like being invited for the wedding ceremony but not the reception ... where you get to bring a nice gift and then go home when the festivities begin.

No thank you. I would decline the invitation as well. It's rude..

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