to not let DD go to this birthday party?

[Edma]

Her friend invited 4 friends for her birthday, including DD. The other three are also invited to sleep over. Not DD. They're 10.
DD wants to go. We think it's cruel.

Let her go, but when you pick her up make sure you're going somewhere fab - out for a special tea or to the cinema; something that would have prevented your DD from sleeping over anyway, as this would be much more exciting.

This happened to my dd last year. She did t realise until I picked her up and nobody else was leaving. I was absolutely fuming and upset as the mum is a friend. Dd cried all evening so I called the mum to ask why she wasn't invited and she said she thought i had said dd dint like sleepovers. I did say that she wasn't keen but it might have been better to have asked her rather than leave her feeling left out and humiliated. Anyway, I would contact her and say why you have declined. for your dd.

I wouldn't let my DC attend the party either under these circumstances. It seems very "mean girls." And petty as it seems, I would remember this event when dishing out invitations to your DD's party.

I'd speak to the mum and take it from there.

Surely nobody would create this situation purposely? I really hope this is a case of cross wires. I'd clarify with the mum and if it is indeed the case I would decline the invite. No way in hell would I put my daughter in that position.

I'm going against the grain here, but you haven't once said your daughter is upset at not being invited to the sleepover. What you have said is that she's upset about missing the earlier part. Are you sure you aren't letting your own feelings about it cloud your judgement?

That sounds very mean - why do people act this way? for you & your DD.

because she is 10 tatertot..

My DS agrees to things I know he won't like..Sometimes you have to let them experience this ...However in this situation with a group of girls where one has been purposely excluded or is not wanted for part is not going to make DD happy.. They would be very excited about the sleepover and planning the evening when DD is not there.. This is not a situation I would allow my 10 year old to be involved in.

I am trying hard not to harbour any hard feelings against the mum, which I didn't really bond with anyway. Struggling a bit.
Suggested a shopping trip with DD, very rare occurence, and she is delighted.

The reasoning of some parents boggles the mind.

I wonder how said mum would feel if it were her daughter in this situation?

It's great that you've arranged something fun for your DD in place

I'd tell the mum exactly why she wasn't going. Its so cruel to exclude 1 like that

Sounds like a good result..Hope you have a fab time.

Friend at school did this we were 14 I still remember it. Her parents were evangelical Christians keen to tell everyone how good they were but happy to let their dd pull stunts like this.

Never forgot the humiliating sick feeling of being the only one collected. Good call op don't let your dd be used in their pathetic little power games.

What a shame. How can people be so unthinking/uncaring?

I am going to see a lot of the mum next week as DD and her DD will attend the same activity. I think she will ask me if DD is coming, and I have decided that I will say something like "I am not sure she understood correctly. Are some guests staying over, but not DD. Is that right?" and then when she confirms I'll say "I am afraid DD won't come then as I think she will be too upset when I come and pick her up" I am not confrontational at all, but I think she should know. twofalls Your poor DD

Edma I think your solution sounds perfect.

I hope you have a fab shopping trip with your DD

Some people are so rude and unthinking.

I hope the other mum feels bad when you pull her up on it.

I would say 'are all the girls staying over apart from dd'. If it's how u think then could u invite another girl over for sleepover at yours on same day

Yanbu at all, and I would not allow dd to go in those circumstances, and explain it to her why. Even if you don't have room, you don't leave 1 child out of a group of 4 going to the party, not acceptable.

Edma good plan, that is not acceptable, you tell the mum why.

We had the same issue last year. DD wanted 5 for her party and to have them for a sleepover. We didn't really want/have space for 6 overnight (including DD). We ummed and ahhed and felt the only sociable acceptable answer was to invite 1 best friend or to have all of them squash in somehow. So they all squashed in - a bunch of 10 year old girls are going to end up all on a single mattress anyway.

You said the girl's mum is a little odd. It's enough reason for you to say "no" to any sleepover there. I would never let me DD sleep in a house with people that I consider odd.

ah yes the 'selected few to stay over after the party' party....I remember DD being at one of those and just being gutted....horriible really but if it just one that is not chosen then just do not go.

I don't think this sounds nice either but playing devil's advocate for a second. Is it possible that the child has been told she can have x friends for a sleepover and then agreed. But then said oh I have to invite (your daughter) and frazzled/odd mum has said "theres not space but perhaps she can come to the day". It's not an excuse but I can see how it's happened.

I think kids fall in and out of friendships far quicker than adults so I'm always wary of falling out with a parent. Because your kids will have moved on and you'll have an enemy. So if you do broach it with mum then perhaps say it nicely, just that you think dd would be very upset on the day when she realised she couldn't stay and the others can so you thought it'd be best to sit it out.

It's important that dd knows you have her back, and that she doesn't have to go mid she doesn't want to but as a pp said, make sure your feelings don't influence hers. She may accept it, and you can still do a nice evening thing. I really wouldn't get into title for tat at your dds birthday. Rise above it!