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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let DD go to this birthday party?

64 replies

Edma · 17/10/2016 20:13

Her friend invited 4 friends for her birthday, including DD. The other three are also invited to sleep over. Not DD. They're 10.
DD wants to go. We think it's cruel.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 19/10/2016 07:22

YABU _ your dd isn't feeling insulted and wants to go. my dds have sometimes gone early and others stayed to sleep because there wasnt enough room or whatever.

WipsGlitter · 19/10/2016 07:33

Last year there was a pre party at someone's house before a second party at an activity centre. DS was only invited to the second bit didn't seem to bother him. We and another mum had a laugh about our 'B' list kids. The invites for ours were very last minute as well so we think they were possibly c-listers!!

Hope you work it out with the other mum. Your approach sounds good.

drinkingtea · 19/10/2016 07:58

The only flaw in your reasoning is that DD was happy to be invited and hadnt seen any cruelty, slight or humiliation until you and your DH pointed it out!

Could it be that your cynicism and over thinking of the invite has taken the simple, innocent fun your DD was looking forward to away and left your DD suspicious and a bit humiliated, needing distraction and comforting in the form of a consolation family day, when she would have been perfectly happy just going to the party!

50ShadesOfEarlGrey · 19/10/2016 08:08

This sort of thing is horrible! It doesn't seem to get any better when they get to secondary either!
One possible solution - your DD goes to the party, but leaves a little early (which should miss the time where the others getting ready for sleepover anyway) but has invited another friend to yours for the evening for a sleepover. Any talk during the day about the exciting sleepover after the party could be met with similar from your daughter.

Nermerner · 19/10/2016 08:12

It's not worth stressing over. Sleepovers with 10 year old are hideous anyway. Plan an early morning shopping trip or something

Nermerner · 19/10/2016 08:13

What drinkingtea said. Ridiculous not to let her go. It's you that's been hurt, not her.

OutDamnedWind · 19/10/2016 11:06

Really? 10yo aren't always the best at thinking things through. I know at that age I'd have been blinded by wanting to go to the party and wouldn't have thought about what it would be like come home time. And then I would have hated it and been upset and hurt. There's probably also have been part of me that thought perhaps they would let me stay if I went. I'd hope my mum would have had the sense to protect me from that, and help me see that it wasn't nice or fair.

natwebb79 · 19/10/2016 11:12

Sorry I haven't read the full thread so may well be repeating but could you let your dd invite another friend over for a sleepover at your house that night? Might soften the blow a bit. I agree it's not nice 😑

allowlsthinkalot · 19/10/2016 11:13

When I was 10 I had a whole class disco party. Only about five people came. I wouldn't have noticed if my mum and Grandma hadn't gone on about it.

So I'm in two minds here. I would be inclined not to make a big deal of it and let your dd go if she wants to.

hungryhippo90 · 19/10/2016 11:25

I will sound unhinged here, but punch the mum.....don't punch the mum, but do. Don't. Argh! I feel hurt for your poor DD. I'd be all sweetness and light, oh is that the date?! N'aww. Sorry DD has a sleepover planned with cousins/other friends. Or something infinitely more interesting. Next time though! Thanks for the invite...the timings just such a shame! tinkly laugh and walk away.

Why don't parents think?

TaterTots · 19/10/2016 13:27

Sorry I haven't read the full thread

It's three pages Hmm

natwebb79 · 19/10/2016 13:47

Tatertots - I'm looking after a slightly destructive 2 year old. I had 30 seconds to jot down an idea before he tipped all.of the cereal out of the boxes and/or flung himself off some furniture. I'm sure nobody will lose sleep over me not studying the three pages of the thread in great detail before making a casual suggestion. You can unclench now. 😀

FluffyPineapple · 19/10/2016 17:27

It seems a bit weird to invite 4 but only 3 can sleepover. Have you checked arrangements with the mum OP? My children very often attend parties where say 10 children are invited to the party (usually activity centre type thing) and 2 or 3 stay for a sleepover. I think that's fine as the majority of them are not sleeping over so do not feel excluded. If it is only your dd who has not been invited to sleep over then that is a bit off and very mean

littleflamingo · 19/10/2016 20:00

I think I might be a bit crazy. Op said the mum is odd, she's not her friend, doesn't know her... Isn't it reason enough for her to not let her DD sleepover there?

I would NEVER allow my DC to sleepover in a house that I don't trust the parents.

How can you trust your DD to someone's else that you don't even know?

I would love to read some opinions because I think I'm a abnormal mum compared to everybody else here.

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