Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to put a child lock on husband's phone

66 replies

user1471606333 · 17/10/2016 10:12

My husband works flexible hours, but he always goes into work 1 hour after me and comes home later then me even though he could work the same hours as me. This doesn't seem very efficient to me but when I've asked him about it he says it's to do with time zones abroad.
I know it's naughty and there's no excuse but I had a look at his history on his phone yesterday (which is something I haven't done in about 2 years), and found that he watches porn on his phone every morning for the hour after I have gone to work, and also after I go to sleep if I go to sleep before him.
I was really angry - not even so much about the porn itself but the amount of time he spends on it. What a waste of time!
I thought about confronting him about it but I think he would just be angry and say I shouldn't have looked at his phone, change the pin number and refuse to talk further about it. Instead I decided to put a child filter on his phone that he won't be able to remove without a code as a 'punishment'
Now I will just wait to see whether we never speak about it or if he confronts me. If he confronts me I will deny knowing anything about it. He doesn't have a personal computer so his phone is his only personal device.
Is this a clever plan or AIBU?

OP posts:
WhooooAmI24601 · 17/10/2016 10:14

I think it won't alter the fact that he's doing something you're clearly unhappy with and he's likely to just find another way around the lock to continue watching the porn. Talk to him instead, tell him you're unhappy with it and work out what you're both going to do.

Sparklesilverglitter · 17/10/2016 10:16

Yes you would be unreasonable, he is your husband not your child Confused

His an adult that makes a decision to watch porn, if you don't like him watching it then have a chat about it

dinosaursarebisexual · 17/10/2016 10:17

YABVU

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 17/10/2016 10:17

No, it's incredibly controlling and I would be fuming if my DP decided that he would implement child protection measures to stop me doing something because he felt that it was a waste of time - I don't watch porn but he could easily decide that MN was a waste of time, and add it to our block list.

If you have an issue with him watching porn, talk to him about it. If there are things he could do that he isn't, talk to him about that. If it's really just that you think porn watching is a waste of time, move on. It's not your time to waste, it's his.

If he's clever, he'll just get around the child filter (they aren't difficult to bypass) and you'll never know.

Iloveyouvodka · 17/10/2016 10:18

Yabu purely for the fact that he is a grown man and your DH not your child

If you don't like him watching them talk to him but ultimately he is an adult and will decide for himself what he wants to watch.

Iloveyouvodka · 17/10/2016 10:19

Also if DH went in to my phone snooping and but a lock on I would be fucking pissed off

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 17/10/2016 10:21

Wow.

That's really PA of you - if you have an issue with him then, ya know, discuss it. I would be pissed off if someone had snooped on my phone even though I have nothing to hide.

If he won't change then you can decide what to do.

Presumably you would be happy for him to look on your phone and then piss about with the settings!

And what's to stop him taking the filter off?

If I were him, behaviour like yours would be a deal breaker as it's so controlling.

MLGs · 17/10/2016 10:21

You need to talk about it.

Yanbu to be annoyed that he is wasting his time if it impacts on you, eg caring for DCs etc.

Yabu to lock his phone rather than discussing it.

It's a bit worrying if you are frightened to discuss it though.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 17/10/2016 10:22

As for it being a 'clever' plan - no it isn't. It's pathetic and childish. HTH

c3pu · 17/10/2016 10:22

"What a waste of time!"

The same could be said for pretty much anything that involves a screen.

YABVU, and quite controlling frankly.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 17/10/2016 10:23

And tbh I can understand why he may not want to work the same hours as you, if you are this PA all the time.

Pumpkinpumpkinpie42 · 17/10/2016 10:24

Clever plan, my fucking arse how old are you 12?

Yabu he is an adult and can decide what he wants to watch.
If it effects time he spends with DC etc then talk to him ffs!

If my DH snooped on my phone and then put any kind of lock on, there would be one mighty row in this house.

PhotosGinAndALongLieIn · 17/10/2016 10:26

YABU and I'm sorry but a bit ridiculous. Of course it's about the porn. Would you have reacted this way if he was watching an hour of netflix or playing candy crush? Both equally time-wasting but I bet you wouldn't have locked him out of those.

If you have an issue with porn then discuss it with him like an adult. If it genuinely is about wasting time then you are still unreasonable because you snooped in his phone, locking him out is passive aggressive, and it's his time he's wasting not yours. Like a pp said, MN could just as easily be seen as time-wasting. What if he blocked your access?

EternallyYouthful · 17/10/2016 10:29

OP I don't think it would be a clever plan and YABU sorry to say.

It would bug the hell out me knowing that DP watches porn on his phone, you need to speak to him about it.

Good luck Flowers

Lweji · 17/10/2016 10:35

YABU.
Why stay married to him if you have to treat him like a child?

Dontpanicpyke · 17/10/2016 10:36

Not even sure it's legal op. You sound ridiculous.

Mishegoss · 17/10/2016 10:37

You have the problem not him. What a weird controlling thing to do. If a man did this to a woman's phone I think it would be seen as borderline abusive but you think you're really clever..

StarryIllusion · 17/10/2016 10:41

Op, that comes across as worryingly controlling. Think of this as a reverse. We would all be screaming LTB, it's your phone, your body, your time, your choice what to watch/whether or not to masturbate. Get a grip for gods sake, it's a bit of porn. What would your reaction be if he said to you "I've been through your phone and you are spending x hours a day on MN when you could be going to work earlier, what a waste of time so I've put a child lock on your phone. Because I would lose my fucking shit and that would be the end of my relationship. I couldn't live with someone that controlling who micromanaged my time and my bloody work hours! It would do my head in. You aren't his mother. Why does he have to work the same hours as you? Is he not entitled to a bit of time to himself?

Cherryskypie · 17/10/2016 10:42

He's spending 2 hours a day watching porn and lying to you about it. I don't think putting him on the naughty step is an appropriate response. Talk to him as an adult.

OnionKnight · 17/10/2016 10:43

I play video games, if my wife decided to put a child lock on my Xbox etc I'd be pissed beyond belief.

You sound controlling and very immature.

Why snoop in the first place?

GeorgeTheThird · 17/10/2016 10:47

He could just restore his phone to factory settings though

badtasteflump · 17/10/2016 10:47

YABVVU! He's an adult and anyway, you're not his mother Confused

If there's something you're not happy with, talk to him about it. If your way of dealing with conflict is to sneak behind his back and then lie to him, you're as bad as him - or maybe worse.

isupposeitsverynice · 17/10/2016 10:47

Porn is not the same as mumsnet or candy crush. You are allowed to object to pornography and your husband using it, but you can't just lock his phone and that be an end to it. You need to have a proper talk about this with him.

EternallyYouthful · 17/10/2016 10:48

I think OP has been scared away... Blush

Ausernotanumber · 17/10/2016 10:50

Talk to him.