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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think 'now you all bloody know what I do all day?' (lighthearted)

42 replies

MycatsaPirate · 16/10/2016 19:12

I don't work due to ill health but dp does and teen does before going to uni and DD2 is obviously at school all day.

I frequently get annoyed with them leaving their stuff everywhere and when I moan about having to pick up random shit lying about get the 'well you don't do anything all day' type comments coming back at me (mainly dp and teen to be honest).

Last week I had to go into hospital for surgery. I made a list of all the things I do every day when they are not here (over 30) and stuck it on the wall so they could allocate the stuff between them.

I got home on Friday and am on complete bed rest for at least two weeks, can't even sit in a chair for more than 15 minutes, and after that will be very restricted with doing anything much at home except maybe chopping up veg for dinner.

None of them seem to have sat down at all over the entire weekend. I don't think they really appreciated all the stuff I did until they actually had to start doing it for themselves.

I am feeling smugger than a smug thing in a smuggly blanket.

Have you ever sat and written down all those little things you do daily without thinking about them? It amounts to ALOT!

This is PirateCate - smug in bed :o

OP posts:

gettingtherequickly · 16/10/2016 19:16

Wow, you didn't think to tell them to pick up after themselves before?

We all work, and everyone chips in.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 16/10/2016 19:16

I hope your justifiable smugness aids a speedy recovery!

Original poster

MycatsaPirate · 16/10/2016 19:21

gettingthere of course I bloody did. I'm not stupid (although I do wonder if you are having missed the 'lighthearted' bit in the title).

This is just an observation of how much I do despite it looking like I don't do anything on a daily basis.

Bugger off if you aren't going to join in with my justifiable smugness (thank you snork).

OP posts:

Discobabe · 16/10/2016 19:27

yanbu. There's a lot of truth in that saying 'housework is something you do, that no one else notices, until you don't do it'. Add in shopping, cooking, general organising of various random shit that keeps a house, car, kids running. Enjoy your smugness

gettingtherequickly · 16/10/2016 19:29

Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't notice the lighthearted comment.

I which case my dear, why the fuck aren't you looking after your family and home if they all work or are at school all day? (Lighthearted humour)

gettingtherequickly · 16/10/2016 19:31

Sorry again (and really this time) hadn't appreciated that you've just had surgery.

Yes everyone should help out, and appreciate the people that don't go out to work when they are keeping the house going.

Hope you're feeling better soon

JellyBelli · 16/10/2016 19:32

Ha! YANBU

KittyandTeal · 16/10/2016 19:33

Just think, now you're on bed rest you get to actually watch them fanny around trying to do all the stuff you do. I think you need a mental smugometer to measure your smugness over the next few weeks.

Zoflorabore · 16/10/2016 19:36

Yep I get this op!
I have a chronic health condition which has worsened and have suffered with OCD for many years mainly around cleaning.
I've been unable to do things I used to do and dp and 13 yr old ds constantly moan about the house!
Admittedly I have very high standards and that's the problem, they're used to show home style house but nobody ever commented how nice it was before. Just how nice it doesn't look now!

I wish you a speedy recovery, being responsible for 99% of the housework and all it entails is bloody hard work and often completely undervalued.

cardibach · 16/10/2016 19:38

What on earth are you asking them to do that means 3 people can't sit down for a whole weekend?

Ellieboolou27 · 16/10/2016 19:40

I think gettingtheretooquickly was so intent on "getting there" she missed the whole point

Op I hear you!
Smugness is so enjoyable, I totally get where your coming from

raspberrysuicide · 16/10/2016 19:41

I am paralysed and a wheelchair user, I don't work and I was still expected to cook, clean and tidy up after my ex and 2 children while he was at work and out running every evening and weekend
He had a bloody big shock when I left him and he has to do it all himself!

elephantoverthehill · 16/10/2016 19:49

Lie there in your smugness and use the time to think up witty replies to the inevitable questions, such as 'Where is my clean underwear? Why are the towels smelly? Has anyone seen my coat? Why is the toilet covered in skid marks? Who drank all the orange juice'. I hope they are looking after you at the very least. Best of luck with your recovery.

Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse · 16/10/2016 19:52

More smug than Mrs Smug, being smug, on a smug day, well done you! Totally get where you're coming from. I'm not ill (thank the Lord, who doesn't exist obvs.......) but am not currently working for other reasons. DH in different country and bless him does his bit when he is here. But I often have to quote the lyrics of No Charge for the DCs......

Benedikte2 · 16/10/2016 19:52

Have a smug speedy recovery Piratecat! Long may the help continue -- maybe when you're on your feet again you can get them to help by gradually relieving them of a few chores and they'll be soooo pleased they won't resent the ones they need to do permanently!
Do be very vocal about every ache and pain -- don't let them forget!
Hope you have plenty of things to do while bed bound.
Good luck

Original poster

MycatsaPirate · 16/10/2016 19:55

I think because I did things automatically (ie get up, get dd up, feed the cats, clear cat litter trays, make dd's breakfast) every day that them having to actually add these things into their days is making them all a bit chaotic.

Dp and dd2 are just back from church. Dp said 'do you want a coffee?' I said yes but the lunches need to be made for tomorrow as well. He looked a bit confused as if it hadn't occurred to him that lunches are self-making things that just appear magically in the fridge.

I'll give it five minutes and then start shouting about having to wait for aaaages for coffee :o

OP posts:

Emmageddon · 16/10/2016 19:56

I broke my pelvis after a horrific car accident (trapped in the car for several hours) and was on bedrest for 6 weeks, in 2010. My DCs rose to the occasion, cleaning , cooking, doing the washing (they were all teenagers) and it made me feel ridiculously cared for. I thoroughly enjoyed watching Murder She Wrote back to back. Being off my tits on prescribed controlled drugs probably added to the experience. It's weird, but it brought me and my angst-ridden teenage children close again and we had fun, scrabble, cards, roulette, etc, and that closeness and humour continues 6 years on.

Letmesleepalready · 16/10/2016 19:56

We had a similar thing (although DH learned very quickly after DD1 was born to never mention housework -or lack of it) this weekend. Every day I try to keep on top of it, but it took 2 of us all morning to make a dent, making me realise how impossible it really is for me to do it alone while looking after the kids. (Impossible as we aren't starting with a clean and tidy place, it would be more manageable if we had a blank slate at the beginning of the day)
Hopefully your family will learn, and that you recover quickly !
I remember reading that someone made the mistake of asking their mum what they did all day, and finding out that very next day when the mum made them do all her usual jobs!

Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse · 16/10/2016 19:58

Oooops, just back from church? God does exist then obvs, sorry. Still, thumbs up for maximum smugness.

redexpat · 16/10/2016 20:00

I want a smuggly blanket in which to feel smug!

Ginslinger · 16/10/2016 20:11

you smug caaaah!

Original poster

MycatsaPirate · 16/10/2016 20:11

Yes, it was a one-off service which DD2 had to attend through one of her activities.

Typical though, he left it until half an hour before they had to leave and then told DD2 to get ready. She then moaned that he hadn't taken her trousers up (new ones, too long) and then followed a 20 minute kerfuffle where she was stressing about being late and he was huffing about with the trousers.

I told him and her yesterday. Have you taken up the trousers? Yes. Did you hang them up DD? yes. Clearly no to both fucking questions!!

Still, I kept out of the way, snuggled in my smug blanket of smugness with a cat. (not the pirate cat - he is out killing stuff).

Yes yes to prescription drugs. Shame they wouldn't let me take oramorph home but I have enough other stuff to keep me going :o

OP posts:

Original poster

MycatsaPirate · 16/10/2016 20:15

emma I think I'd need seriously strong drugs to watch Murder she wrote back to back!! What were they giving you?

I've had spinal surgery. I'm now just on codeine. But it was lovely in hospital, two of us had spinal surgery, two had hip replacements, we all got very lively and excited when the drugs cart came round! We just said yes to everything. I actually really enjoyed it in there despite the pain, had a lovely lady in the next bed who has 82 and had her hip replacement while awake. She was fab, was telling us that the surgeon said, you won't feel anything but you may hear the saw starting up. Woman opposite nearly had heart failure (she'd also had her hip done) and started saying 'nooooo! don't tell me!. I miss my room mates.

OP posts:

FlamingoSnuffle · 16/10/2016 20:27

Enjoy your smugness

I am a SAHM with two children in school, Dh is fully aware of what I get done in the day and the children are finally realising what I do., They are 13 and 10.

Ds2 was nearly sick when he witnessed me cleaning the waste trap from the dishwasher. "What is THAT?" he said with big wide eyes filled with terror. I had just removed several plastic straw wrappers (from his apple juice box) that he doesn't remove from his lunchbox before putting it in the dishwasher, they were matted with pink slime. He removes them now as I told him next time he would clean it out.

So snuggle down, get comfy and hopefully they will remember everything you do on a day to day basis.

My Mother's favourite quote was "housework, a thankless job."

Rachel0Greep · 16/10/2016 20:27

I wish you all the best, and I hope you make a great recovery. Don't rush it, stay snuggled .

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