"My bird"

[chelseafan123]

My fiancé is great, obviously. But her refers to me as his "bird" and other people in the same way, eg.

"Fred is a great guy, he really loves his bird."

I called him on this and asked him to stop doing it and he appeared baffled and asked: "Well how do you want me to refer to you then?" I said: "Well you know o call you your name, or my fiancé, why not do that?"

He thinks I'm being OTT and making something out of nothing. AIBU to be irritated by this?

I have a friend on FB who's husband I've never met but he bugs the hell out of me the way he constantly refers to her as 'The Wife'

I don't like it. I don't like "the wife" either. It seems disparaging.

I worked in an office where the women would call each other bird, but to differentiate we were bird, bird bird, other bird, other bird bird.

I just can't get worked up about that.

I'm Scottish and Glaswegian so "bird, doll, hen" are all phrases that we hear frequently.

I like "Better half" or failing that, "partner" is good too.
My gf calls me, "her fella", I like nor dislike it tbh but I respond by calling her, "bird"

He thinks I'm being OTT and making something out of nothing. AIBU to be irritated by this?

You aren't, but you already knew that.

Call him something equally humiliating and ridiculous and perhaps he will get it then. (Though perhaps not, as men are not treated like that all the damn time)

Personally, I would end the engagement over this. I just hate it when people disrespect me, and would not willingly tie myself to such a person.
This may be a local thing and hard to get rid of as a habit, but the fact that he doesn't acknowledge its wrongness is a red flag.

I say that as a woman who would refer to a man as "bird" if the nickname fit the guy. (But never ever talk about other people's spouses that way.)

Giving your partner silly affectionate nicknames is okay if your partner is okay with that, forcing an animal name on half of the population is insulting.

If he's calling you something you don't like, just tell him. YNBU. Although I'm assuming this isn't new and he has used this so called 'term of endearment' for a long while now. Not just on you but others.

call him something equally humiliating

Wow have I missed something? "Bird" is humiliating?

I've never known one person to think it's a humiliating term.

Jesus. Humiliating?

Grips that way >>>

I scowled and said "Tweet fucking tweet". I have used this expression more than once. But in the 1980s, not recently.

I agree that you need to start referring to him in increasingly ridiculous ways. May I suggest, "Snookums", "My Little Pumpkin" and "Fluffy Bun". In front of his friends and loudly in public.

*Wow have I missed something? "Bird" is humiliating?

I've never known one person to think it's a humiliating term.*

That seems extreme to me too - but really, it's irrelevant. OP doesn't like being referred to her like that, so her partner should stop.

OP doesn't like being referred to her like that, so her partner should stop.

Exactly

Has he always done this?
If it offended you so much early on, why did you agree to become engaged?

I'm not trying to be harsh-it's obviously something that really is upsetting you so I don't understand why you've tolerated it.

Agree that you need to find a term he finds repugnant and start to use it when referring to him

It's a term that makes me wince slightly, but hear it at least several times a day so I'm probably numb to it.

I had someone try to justify it once as: women are delicate with wings to soar above us.
They also squawk and peck frequently

Hate it.

Not as much as I hate my adult friends referring to their partners/husbands (some of which are grandparents) as "the boy".

I say fella

As in - 'didn't know you had a new fella, what's his name?'

Normal round here in my defence (Essex/East London)!

Are you engaged to Chas and/or Dave? No-one says bird any more

Unfortunately one very nasty example of a person who does has been in the news recently.

I don't think "bird" remotely compares with Scottish or Yorkshire or other regional terms like lass or maid. They are words which actually mean a female human being , are as likely to be used by any family member and have a traditional, folky , even poetical ring to them ( my username is from a Burns poem)

I hate it when adult women call grown men boys. Or themselves girls. No luv, those days be over.

What age is an adult though? Can you call yourself a girl if you are 23/24?

Doesn't bother me but it bothers you so he should request your wish not to be called it.

Everyone is different, I've never liked 'partner'. Makes me think of business partner. I don't see why it cant just be boyfriend, fiance, husband.

It's when women in their 30s and older do it that annoys me, even then I think there are different ways of using it ' me and the girls' referring to mates is different to ' where are all the nice boys for a girl like me' by a bloody grownup woman.

I have a Glaswegian female friend who calls me 'hen' and I actually quite like it! I am curious as to why bird/hen/chicken are used for women! My ex used to call me 'kitten' - urghh....

I'm with deathandtaxes I'm Scottish and occasionally my partner refers to me as his bird and I don't mind it at all. It's a little tongue in cheek at times and it makes me laugh. I'm most definitely not offended. But if it offends you he must understand that and not do it again. As an aside I'm also called his missus and we aren't married but I do sometimes squirm at girlfriend and boyfriend as we are both reaching 40....

I'm Scottish and DH is more likely to refer to me as "the missus", which I don't care for either.

I absolutely hate being called a bird. My dear late husband (who looked younger than he was) was often called 'lad' by one of our elderly neighbours if he couldn't remember his name and it made him cringe inwardly.

'Bird' is outdated, but then so is calling a male "Cock" . My all time pet hate is "the wife" though.