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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding speeches

39 replies

anaemicenglishtea · 15/10/2016 09:25

To hate weddings where all the men do the talking and the women sit around looking lovely like wall flowers. I have been to a few where the only time a woman spoke to everyone was when the bride said her vows. I asked dh and he said that's the tradition. (British white-weddings, not the race but the type of wedding)

OP posts:

TurnipCake · 15/10/2016 09:28

Oh God yes, I remember cringing through one where all the best man could talk about were private jokes from the stag and the father of the bride making reference to the fact that it took them 11 years to get married.

When my best friend married, her mother made a speech and it was beautiful

ConvincingLiar · 15/10/2016 09:30

One of my best friends had her sister do the father of the bride speech, it was lovely.

roofio87 · 15/10/2016 09:35

I gave a speech at my wedding and so did my mum. As she said "I'm the head of our family so I'm not letting your dad speak for all us!" He made a speech too but no way was she letting him have all the say.

mum2Bomg · 15/10/2016 09:43

My sister did a speech as my dad died. It was lovely x

Original poster

anaemicenglishtea · 15/10/2016 09:45

Am proud of the women who standup against this stupidity.

It's annoying when the best man tries to be provocative as much as he can get a way with at the expense of women, as along as what he is saying, he can get a way with.

OP posts:

KellyBoo800 · 15/10/2016 09:46

Completely agree. At our wedding, my mum and dad did a short "parents of the bride" speech, then my Maid of Honour did a speech, my husband and I did our speech together, then the Best Man did his speech. Nobody questioned it at all or even commented on how it was "different to the norm", which was refreshing, BUT I've never seen it done that way at any other wedding which is a shame.

n0ne · 15/10/2016 09:54

Both times I've been married we just had an open floor for speeches, and just as many women spoke as men. In fact in my family, it's the women who have the stronger characters so we'd never just sit around looking pretty!

vdbfamily · 15/10/2016 09:58

some people like to follow tradition and have a funny man with a hammer banging on a table and announcing things, other people like to do exactly what they want. For some brides, having to giving a speech would probably ruin their whole day. I gave a speech because I wanted to but it is not sad if a bride chooses not to, you kind of have to assume that is what they wanted!

HeddaGarbled · 15/10/2016 10:04

I completely agree but I do think that one problem of adding loads of extra speeches from the women of the family means that it all goes on for far too long. I went to one recently where practically everyone on the top table gave a speech, some with PowerPoint photo presentations full of in jokes and references which were lost on most of us. Just when we thought it was all over, the president of a social organisation the bride and groom were involved in popped up and gave another speech with presentation of some joke object which again most of the guests didn't understand.

What would be really great would be no speeches at all.

Wolpertinger · 15/10/2016 10:06

Yes! Speeches are the worst bit of weddings anyway - some people go on and on and on and they are so boring.

At my wedding my DDad had sadly died shortly before. So we had bestman, groom and me. People men were falling over themselves to speak instead of my Dad and shocked when I said I'd be doing it. My mum wanted to do it and I said no as I knew she would be in tears - she thanked me on the day as she was in bits and couldn't have done it.

Bestman and groom were given strict instructions not to talk for more than 5 minutes They both overran a bit but it was perfect

wheresthel1ght · 15/10/2016 10:06

I think yabu. Clearly those who follow the tradition do so because it is their wedding and it is what they want. If you don't agree that is your issue and do what suits at your own wedding

Sandsnake · 15/10/2016 10:07

I did a speech, for that exact reason. My mum considered it but as we already had two 'extras' (me and Step Dad) she decided it wouldn't be fair on the guests! Just went to a friend's wedding and she had both parents walk her down the aisle, which was lovely.

neonrainbow · 15/10/2016 10:08

I did a speech. I don't let the men speak for me at the best of times and if you're throwing a party the polite thing to do is to thank people for coming.

ImogenTubbs · 15/10/2016 10:12

I spoke at my wedding. I mainly did all the thank yous and gave the thank you gifts, but tbh by that point I was so overwhelmed by all the nice things that had been said about me it was as much as I could do to get through it! I still managed to gently insult my FIL which I was pleased about (he loved it).

My DM also spoke. This meant I had to be quite strict about speech lengths as we had five people speak!

muminthecity · 15/10/2016 10:22

At my sisters wedding my DD (aged 10) did a brilliant speech, as did the mother of the groom, the best man and the groom himself. Dsis was also given away by our mum and dad (they all walked down the aisle together.) It was lovely actually to see the women given just as much input as the men.

yerbutnobut · 15/10/2016 10:25

I gave a speech on my wedding day, told the guests that I admired several of their marriages having lasted in a day and age where many seem to split and I told them that I was lucky enough to marry my best friend.

woodhill · 15/10/2016 10:28

My dd did a speech at her wedding and my other dd who was her chief bridesmaid did a joint speech with her dad. Worked well

MalbecAndLindt · 15/10/2016 10:31

Not married yet but DP and I have decided there'll be no formal speeches at our wedding. I/we will thank everyone for coming and people can talk if they want but definitely not 'expected'.

CeeCeeEnnEss · 15/10/2016 10:32

I gave a speech at our wedding, and so did my maid of honour, alongside my dad, husband and best man. We kept timings tight and content light. There were things I wanted to say to my new husband and our guests; I would never just have sat there.

NicknameUsed · 15/10/2016 10:32

"For some brides, having to giving a speech would probably ruin their whole day."

This ^^

OH said he didn't start enjoying our wedding until after his (short) speech because he felt nervous about having to do it. It never occurred to me that I might speak, but perhaps it wasn't the done thing 35 years ago.

I think speeches should be short and only given by people who want to do them.

TyneTeas · 15/10/2016 10:33

My dm and I both did speeches at mine

AntiHop · 15/10/2016 10:35

Yanbu. Really annoys me. We had three very brief speeches at our wedding. Dp, me and 2 women.

SexLubeAndAFishSlice · 15/10/2016 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Squiffy01 · 15/10/2016 11:03

At my sisters wedding she did a speech and told the MC she had to go last. It started with "I want to start how I mean to go on talking out of place and having the last word"

Most weddings I have been to recently a bridesmaid or sister also does one so not just men.

53rdAndBird · 15/10/2016 11:11

I offered to let my DM and bridesmaids do speeches, but they hated the idea. I did a speech, though

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