To be pissed off with anti-child threads on a parenting forum?

[ItShouldHaveBeenJessMass]

I love Mumsnet. I love the diversity on here. However, lately I have seen more and more threads appearing (possibly from trolls) about how awful kids are, how the OP is so glad they are child-free, how they dont want kids etc, etc.

It's a parenting forum. I'm not suggesting for a minute that anyone should be excluded from any internet site, but the judgement of parents by non-parents on here is becoming more prolific by the day. You don't want kids? Cool. I hadn't planned on becoming a mother either, but here I am! I honestly don't care who joins MN, and I'm love learning about different viewpoints/lifestyles, but the anti-child crap? Why join in the first place?

AIBU?

costa. I'm not referring to travel, style, beauty, TV etc. I'm not even referring to people who don't have children giving advice to those who do. I'm talking about non-parents making negative remarks about parenting on a parenting site. A recent example was a woman who posted in AIBU saying how much she despised children (she didn't have any). What was the point?

And while I appreciate advice from anyone about parenting, it is reassuring to read posts from individuals who have been through similar things themselves, and how they managed to resolve the particular issue.

Yanbu.

Maybe not, but other posters are

If something breaks talk guidelines, report it

Otherwise, shrug and carry on

petit and piglet

I'm not attempting to police anything, nor am I telling people what to say. I get much pleasure from reading a lot of the non-child-related stuff on MN; it's enjoyable and interesting. I think you are misinterpreting me. I'm talking about negative remarks about children and parenting made by those without kids (and who have openly stated they don't). It just seems very mean-minded and unnecessary to do so on Mumsnet.

I agree with what Costa said about childfree and childless. There's a big difference.

So in your opinion Jess, it's ok for parents to talk about how great life is with kids (the phrase "Before kids my life was black & white, now it's Technicolor" has appeared a few times) but if I talk about how much I love my childfree life I'm what - gloating?

(I don't judge parents, by the way. I know they're doing a job I would never be up for.)

So in your opinion Jess, it's ok for parents to talk about how great life is with kids (the phrase "Before kids my life was black & white, now it's Technicolor" has appeared a few times) but if I talk about how much I love my childfree life I'm what - gloating?

The clue is in the name of the website, it's called Mumsnet. Why people seem to struggle with this, I'm not sure.

It's as pointless posting about the joys of being childfree on Mumsnet as it would be pointing out the delights of parenting on childfree_lj.

Again, I'm not sure why this is so hard to understand.

Then report such posts and if mnhq agree, they'll be deleted - also not hard to understand

I've only ever seen a handful of posts that are vehemently stating how much they dislike kids and how relieved and thrilled they are to be childfree etc...it's quite rare. But that type of post doesn't make me feel anything except sorry for the poster tbh. No one bangs on so forcefully about how they hate something unless they're trying to convince themselves IME.

unless they're trying to convince themselves IME.

Or other people who insist on telling them they're wrong

I never tried to have a child because I had no confidence, given my upbringing, that I could be an adequate parent, never mind a good one. My life is not tragic, though. It's a different sort of good, that's all.

I really don't judge any parent with a "boisterous" child, because I don't know what's going on in their lives when I'm not there to witness and I genuinely wouldn't presume to have a clue what to do in their situation.

I was a child, and I will judge mean/aggressive/neglectful parenting when it's obvious. I might also judge parents who oversee or encourage their children being mean or aggressive to other children (or animals). If that makes me anti-child in your eyes, I disagree.

The clue is in the name of the website, it's called Mumsnet. Why people seem to struggle with this, I'm not sure.

There are many topics and threads that have nothing to do with parenting.

Not sure why people seem to struggle with this.

I think people who struggle with it must have a very narrow view of the world if they view themselves as parents only, and not individuals with lives and interests of their own.

I think both of you are struggling with OP's perfectly clear point.

I really haven't noticed that many vehemently anti-child threads even on AIBU where I spend way too much time. I think part of the problem is that any thread on such a contentious issue quickly polarises - I read the opening post of the 'I don't like children - am I normal?' thread not as a vitriolic attack on children but rather someone wondering, slightly tongue in cheek, slightly sad, whether their lack of maternal feelings made them a freak, since they were so out of step with everyone else. It turned into a bunfight, despite the relatively ungoady (I thought) responses of the OP, but I didn't feel there was a malevolent intention there. Maybe I'm naive.

I also read plenty of 'should I have a child?' threads in which childless/free posters ask for genuine realistic advice about whether they should embark on motherhood. There's often some robust responses about the sticky reality of parenting, from other parents.

It would be a real shame to hound posters, men and women, off the site because the rudeness of a tiny minority of posters looking for a DM quotable bunfight reaction. If MN think someone's posting to start a scrap, then they should quietly remove the post - or maybe it's better just to tumbleweed that poster. What is there to say, after all?

OP:

You clearly take the site name literally.

"It just seems very mean-minded and unnecessary to do so on Mumsnet."

You are attempting to stifle opinions. Charming.

MN has grown into one of the most popular chat sites in the UK. Non-parents have always been on here - despite the name & strapline - and I'd guess our numbers are growing.

I get the point about it being unpleasant when childfree people have a go at parents or talk about how awful kids are (which I don't). But if some of us want a thread to chat about why we like being childfree, how on earth is that any skin off your nose?

And children are sometimes pretty unpleasant as are parents. Why shouldn't that be voiced?
For heaven's sake, talk about defensive and precious.
Get over yourselves.

Get over yourselves

Everyone who has children or is that at someone specific...

But if some of us want a thread to chat about why we like being childfree, how on earth is that any skin off your nose?

Nobody would object to that, would they?

Unless it tipped into something else.

It's fine to discuss why you enjoy being childfree (although I reiterate : bit odd to do it on a parenting forum, when there are child free forums out there, but that's your call)

poppy. So I've taken the name literally....... Not sure I'm with you on that point.

YANBU, I do wonder about the anti parent or anti child rants. I am a meat eater, I am also keen on fish. Not sure I'd share those recipes on a Vegetarian forum, it might not be wanted there.

I don't have children. I have commented on some posts regarding children and parenting, but only if it's likely to affect me, e.g. Being expected to move seats on a plane so someone can sit with their kid, children's behaviour in restaurants etc.

It's fine to discuss why you enjoy being childfree (although I reiterate : bit odd to do it on a parenting forum, when there are child free forums out there, but that's your call)

I've discussed far odder things in MN than why I like being childfree.

Errant toasters, duck sex and the location of HQ's gin stash are a start.

empress. Were these three separate posts or all in one?!